Stolen Glances
by xXPlayedByLifeXx
Summary: Jude quit after the first ep after the kiss .3years later she's back in the biz.She meets Tommy as the producer of her archenemy.Will sparks from long ago fly again or will it be the worst fight ever?Better than it sounds.Give it a shot,summary inside.
1. 1 Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or any of it's characters. All I do own is the idea to this plot.

**Please read first: **Hey everyone, this is my newest idea for a ff, thanks for giving it a shot, because the last days I couldn't stop writing and thinking about this ff. I hope you like it as much as I do. I got the next four and a half chapters already written out, so if you like it, I'll update pretty soon, so review! :)

What I wanted to say before you start reading, is that I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, english isn't my first language, but I keep on getting better. ;)

Please review, because I usually write the most for the story with the most visitors/reviews. And reviews make me happy and since it's school again I can really need anything to make me smile. Schools pretty stressful when you're in your last two school years.

Read and enjoy and review!

**Summary:**

Jude left at the end of the first episode, just like she said, after that kiss with Tommy. She's been quite a normal teenager since then and she hasn't met Tommy again, although she was regretting her choice kind of everyday. She never told anybody about that kiss, she just had brushed it off with no explanation for her decision. Now its three rough years later and all that there is to music in Jude's life, are a few performances in some clubs in the town. That is when she gets a second shot at her music career and this time she's determined to not mess it up again. But when Jude's in the music biz, Tommy's not far away, as always. And he just makes everything pretty complicated, especially for Jude. And since he's now at the competive label their relationship wouldn't be considered good anyways, so there's no chance for them, even if they weren't fighting all the time, is there?

This fic is a Jommy and I rated it T, just to be on the safe side for some later chapters I haven't written out yet.

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Chapter 1/ Prologue

Jude was in the "Elvis" again, a small, not that popular club where she played a few times every month. The owner, Ryan, was one of her best friends, although he was far about 30 years old. He was giving her some drinks when she needed them, but took care of her, so that nothing could ever really happen, except a little hangover the next day.

Jude was sitting backstage, her guitar in her hands and tears in her eyes while she listened to the sad music from an emo-girl, who was singing on stage. She couldn't believe just how messed up her life had become. She had had a contract once and had thrown it away, because of some stupid ex-boybander who had happened to be her producer. Then she had tried to forget about that life and had totally failed – just like she was keeping on failing in school and getting grounded for it. And now, about half an hour ago, she had walked in on her dad doing some other woman who wasn't her mom.

_Great, can this life suck anymore?_

"Hey Jude, didn't know you'd be around today." Ryan said from behind her. She turned and glared at him, she hated people calling her "hey Jude" although Ryan was the only one who was getting away with it. But since her eyes were pretty teary and some were even falling down her cheeks her glare wasn't really impressive.

"What's up, rock-star?" Ryan asked when he saw the tears and came up to her, sitting down next to her and watching her closely. He had known her long enough that Jude wasn't one of these girl who cried for nothing and everything. She had a crap of a life an had enough reasons to cry, but she never did.

Jude sighed and leaned her head on Ryan's shoulder, while he was putting his arms around her. "It's my dad. He… he's cheating on my mom." Jude managed to say somehow while trying real hard to keep the tears from falling. Ryan was shocked and he really felt bad for that girl. She had had a chance of her lifetime and had thrown it away, she had lost her friends about that and people at school were laughing at her. And now this.

"I'm so sorry, Jude." Ryan said helplessly, holding her tighter, trying to comfort her somehow.

Jude heard the pity out of his voice and immediately hated herself. She didn't want pity from no one. She had lived through teenage hell everyday ever since she had quite G-Major, she wasn't going to crack because her idiot of a father. She put on her usual brave face, smiled weakly and brushed the tears away. "It's ok. Or at least it will be. But now I gotta get out on this stage and play my song. I wrote it just a few minutes ago."

Ryan smiled sadly at her when she went out on the stage, if someone of her family or friends would carefully listen to her songs, they'd know what she was going through, but they weren't caring enough to listen to her songs. They had stopped paying attention when Jude had quit G-Major and had been too stubborn to explain it. They had tried to get it out of her, but she had resisted and slowly her friends and her family had distanced themselves.

_**I drift away to a place  
Another kind of life  
Take away the pain  
I create my paradise **_

_**Everything I've held  
Has hit the wall  
What used to be yours  
Isn't yours at all **_

_**Falling apart, and all that I'm asking  
Is it a crime, am I overreacting **_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie **_

_**So, what you had didn't fit  
Among the pretty things  
Never fear, never fear  
I now know where you've been **_

_**Braids have been un-tied  
Ribbons falls away  
Leave the consequence  
My tears you'll taste **_

_**Falling apart and all that I question  
Is this a dream or is this my lesson **_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie **_

_**I don't believe I'll be alright  
I don't believe I'll be ok  
I don't believe how you throw me away  
I do believe you didn't try  
I do blame you for every lie  
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine **_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie **_

_**Oh, my permission to sin  
You might have started my reckoning  
I've got a reason now to bury him alive  
Another little white lie**_

When she had finished the song she left the stage, being completely in some kind of trance. The song was deep and she felt kind of better now, after letting her feelings out, although she was as sad as before. She didn't even hear the crowd cheering for her. All she heard were her own thoughts, screaming at her, making her even more depressive with any minute.

It was like all her hope and dreams had been fading through the last years, and now it was gone. She knew that this time her family would fall apart. It wasn't really like they were such a great family, Jude hadn't felt loved by them for quite some time, but until this night there had been still the illusion of everything getting better again.

"Ryan? Something with many percents please. Something with Vodka, please?" Jude pleaded with her puppy eyes at the bar. She didn't need to beg very long through, Ryan knew she needed anything to forget about what had happened and he hadn't the heart to deny it to her. After all she could just as well go to another bar and get her drinks there, without anyone watching after her.

"Jude Harrison, right? Already starting drinking? The night's just starting." Someone said next to Jude. She turned annoyed, while downing her second drink.

"I got no idea how anything I'm doing is anything of your business!" She told boldly to the tall, bold black guy who was actually wearing sunglasses in a club.

"I'm sorry, forgot my manners. I'm Darius Mills. I'm a manager and I'm publisher of the magazine "Solid", you might know it. However, I'm actually here for you. That is if you got a minute."


	2. 2 The Offer

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„So, you're a big someone in the music biz. What do you want from me? Been there, done that, done with it." Jude said slightly slurring. She wasn't in the mood for some stupid guy to tell her how great she was and what a career she could have and everything. In the end these guys all only tried to hit on her or to use her for something. It was just getting ridiculous how often Jude had already believed them. It was over by now though. She had no interest in getting her hopes up high once again.

"Jude, you really got potential and I can make a star out of you. You just gotta let me. I heard your song for Instant Star and the other songs you wrote since then and performed here in some sleazy clubs. This" He motioned for the whole club. "isn't worth you. You got talent. Now it's your call what to do with it."

Jude rolled her eyes, she had heard this stuff often enough. Even from some guy who had been sure as hell about 40 and in the end he had just tried to rape her. That had been the last time she had believed one of these wannabe-managers. She still had nightmares from that night. How he had clenched his fists around her wrists, how he had been coming way too close and had touched her in a very uncomfortable way…

"Darius Mills? You're the man behind Solid, aren't you? I love your magazine. It's great!" Ryan suddenly interrupted Jude's dark thoughts. She looked at him surprised.

"You know this guy?" She asked, completely ignoring Darius presence.

"Yeah, 'course I do! He's been often enough on the cover, hasn't he?" Jude looked a few seconds at Ryan, then she turned back to Darius with a small smile on her face.

"I'm sorry Mr Mills. It's just that there are a lot of lying idiots out there and at some point you just get suspicious against everyone and everything. It's saving you usually a lot of trouble if you're living my life. So no offence." Jude explained more politely now.

"No offence taken. I just want you to consider my offer." Darius said with a smile.

"Well, that would be what exactly?" Jude asked, trying to not sound too interested, but truth was that hope was slowly rising inside of her again. Everything had just been so wrong in the last few days and she couldn't help but not only hope, but want to hope.

"Well, I'd say you'd come by the studio tomorrow and I'll show you around and you'll try a session with a producer. Then you can decide if you want to sign a contract or not. If you do, I'll be your manager and I'm going to make a star out of you."

"Doesn't sound that bad. But I got two questions. First, how come you're choosing me? Out here in Toronto are a lot of good singers." Jude asked cautiously. Everything sounded a little bit too good for her taste. It was like she got the chance of a lifetime again. And that didn't just happen like that, especially not to her. Darius looked at her a few moments, like to estimate what would bring the most for him.

"Let's talk honestly, ok? I need a new female singer that got potential and is good enough for the competition. The biz wants new young girls and you're just what I was searching for. I saw you're appearance on Instant Star and when I asked around some weeks ago I heard you quit after a week. I looked around some more and then I found you and I heard your songs were still pretty good, just like this one tonight. You got emotion in it and you got an amazing voice. In don't know why you quit back then, but I'm offering you a second chance."

Jude looked at him more closely; he seemed to talk the truth. Something that was rare these days in every business. Jude glanced at Ryan, silently asking for advice. He was smiling at her supporting and she knew that he wanted her to take this chance. But he didn't know what had happened. What she had gave up already and how hard it had been afterwards. If it didn't work out this time, everything would be just even worse.

_Oh come on, who am I? I've never been a coward, I used to love the challenge. This is what I have hoped for my whole life. If I don't take this chance, I'll regret it forever. Time to make something out of this mess they call my life._

"Ok, I'm taking this second chance. But I got one condition. I'mn nearly 18 and I want out of my parents house. I want a place to stay, even if it's just a room or something. Because my parents won't let me make music again." Jude explained with her head held high, she wouldn't let this man pity her or look at her with arrongance or try to deny her her condition. This was going to happen her way or not at all. The only problem was that if he wasn't going to agree, she'd be left alone again without any hope. After all, who ever got a third chance like this?

"Ok, then this is how it's going to be." Darius agreed after a few moments that felt like an eternity to Jude. "Be at I.O. Golden Records tomorrow at 9 a.m. You know where that is?"

"Of course, I'm a singer and I grew up in Toronto." Jude assured nearly affronted. I.O. Records and G-Major were the most successful labels in the area and at G-Major she had already been once.

"Great. Then I'll see you tomorrow Jude. It was nice talking to you." He said and walked away. Jude looked after him for a few moments, then she turned back to Ryan and squealed loudly.

"Did you hear this? I'm going to sign a contract! Again!"

"Yeah, rock star, I always told you, you're it!" Ryan said happily that Jude finally got what she deserved and he hugged her over the bar.

_Finally! This time I won't get fooled by some stupid guy like Tom Quincy, this time I'm gonna make it!_

_

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_Curious what will happen to Jude at D's label? Well, let's just say that she won't have another guy LIKE Tommy Q in her life, since he's going to be there himself :) Please tell me what you think. No matter if you hated or loved it, I want to know about it! Pretty pretty please!


	3. 3 The first day

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Chapter 3

"Oh come on Jamie, please!" Jude pleaded with her best friend and neighbor. She had shown up unannounced at his doorstep 10 minutes ago and had talked to him for the first time since months. She had shut everybody out since she had left G-Major, had written more music but had kept it to herself and to her new friends who were solely from the Toronto club scene, like Ryan. Her old friends like Jamie and Kat had given up on her at some point and she hadn't really cared, because she had kind of given up on herself too.

"Jude, I don't get you! We've been friends since forever, then you got this contract, won the contest and got everything you ever dreamed of. Then you just quit from one day to the other and since then you never even really talked to me or Kat and now you're here and asking me to come with you to your first day at I.O. Records?" Jamie asked angry and disbelievingly.

"I know, I know. Just like I said, I'm sorry for shutting you out. I really am. I just… I don't know, needed some space I guess. Please, you're my best friend since I can think and I don't wanna lose you, just because I've been an idiot!" She said with her puppy eyes and she knew that Jamie couldn't resist them; he had never managed to stay mad at her very long. In fact the last 15 minutes topped everything already.

"Don't gimme these eyes!" Jamie said, feeling his resolves weakening and his anger washing away. "Ok, ok, I'll come with you. But if you pull something like the last years off again, I'll promise you you can plead as long as you want, because I won't forgive you again!" Jamie threatened, but he sounded too convinced of his own words. Jude just grinned widely and pulled Jamie with her out the door and to her car. The only good thing her parents did to her in the last years, they bought her a car. She still didn't know why they exactly did it. Jude's theory was that they were feeling guilty and tried to get rid of the bad feeling, but she wasn't complaining at all. She loved to trade her dysfunctional, not caring family against a car.

Ten minutes later they were parking in front of the I.O. Records building. It was huge. At least in contrast to G-Major, it had like three storeys more than G-major.

"It's… impressive." Jamie commented while they were standing in front of the entrance and looking up with their heads in the neck.

"Yeah, you could say that. It's bigger than I had expected. Seems like Darius got some extra money."

"Yep." Jamie only said. "But you won't let this impress you too much, clear? You're still you and it's your music. Don't let them change you, ok?" Jamie told her and Jude was reminded of their first time at G-Major where Jamie had been sitting right next to her on that couch, looking so dorky in these days quite the opposite to now, and had told her exactly the same. Last time she had promised him not to let them change her music, but in the end she had let it happen anyways. And she didn't really regret it. The song HAD been better afterwards.

"I'll remember that when I'm working with my new producer." Jude answered while they were walking into the building. "Jamie, I can't believe it. Pinch me, please. I need to know this is real."

"Should I really do that?" Jamie asked chuckling, knowing how Jude was always upset when someone actually pinched her, no matter if she had asked for it or not. Jude just rolled her eyes at him, feeling happy inside that Jamie was with her again and that he still knew her all that well. She had missed this feeling, to know that he'd always have her back and that he knew her better than anyone. Well, maybe except for Ryan nowadays, but then again, he didn't even know Ryan existed.

"Besides, about the changing part, what's that new haircut of yours about? I wasn't that thrilled when you died your hair blonde in the first place, but this…" Jamie said and motioned to her now shorter hair.

"You don't like it?" Jude asked nervously, there had been a time when she wouldn't have done a single thing without Jamie, but now she had two tattoos Jamie didn't know about and he probably wouldn't know about her haircut either if he wasn't her neighbor.

"Jude! If that isn't my favorite newcomer!" Darius deep and full voice was booming through the lobby, which was arranged with pretty expensive interior.

"Hey Darius. Here I am, 9 a.m. sharp, just like you said. This is my best friend Jamie." Jude introduced Jamie smiling at Darius. She was still not really believing this all was happening to her, it was like a dream after three years of nightmares.

"Then let's go and introduce you to your new producer then. He'll show you around, because I got some business to take care of." Darius explained and lead Jude through the busy people to studio E.

"Jude, this is Kwest, he's been working for me since forever and you'll be in good hands." Darius said and after that he left the studio again, immediately pulling out his cell phone and calling somebody.

"Hey, I'm Kwest. Glad to meet you." Kwest said friendly and Jude knew immediately that she'd like him.

"I'm Jude, but you know that already and this is Jamie, my best friend. Would you mind if he'd stay today and listens a little bit? He won't disturb or anything, will you Jamers?" Jude asked grinning, happy about how things seemed to fall in place immediately.

"Sure, no problem. Hello man." Kwest said and shook Jamie's hand.

"Actually I can't stay, I got to meet Kat in like half an hour. I'm sorry Jude." Jamie excused himself without looking at Jude.

"Oh ok, see ya later then, right?" Jude asked surprised, trying to make sure that Jamie had really forgiven her.

"Yeah, of course." Jamie assured her and hugged her quickly before he left the studio.

"Then let's get to work, rock star." Kwest told Jude and sat down in front of the sound board. Jude nodded and walked into the booth while asking loudly: "Why does everybody calls me rock star, even when they didn't even heard me singing once?"

"What can I say, you're a natural!" Kwest chuckled. Jude grinned back and began to sing.

"Ok Jude, that was great so far, come in here and we'll listen to it together, alright?"

"Sure, whatever you say mister producer, sir." Jude joked, feeling totally and completely content about being able to sing, getting paid for it and being in a real studio, feeling like a real singer.

They listened to Jude singing Skin and both bobbed their head in the rhythm, Jude couldn't believe how she sounded, she felt like it was a totally different voice from that CD Tommy had given her, after she had told him she'd quit. But that was probably because she had been another person back in these days.

"I think that's a great song, maybe we can use another beat for it, wait a second, I nearly got it…" Kwest said, obviously busy with his thoughts while pushing and adjusting some buttons. Jude smiled at his eagerness, it was kind of cute to see him there, mixing her song, obviously in this thing with his whole heart.

Suddenly Kwest's cell went off and both were interrupted in their own thoughts. Kwest turned down the music and pulled out his cell. He threw Jude a look that told her that he had to take this call and accepted the call.

"Hello?"

Jude looked around in the studio while Kwest was listening to whoever was calling. This was going to be her studio, her workplace, her second home. She was happier than she had been in quite some time.

"Man, I'm working with my new artist here, I can't just leave now, and you know that. Some of us are actually working for getting paid." Kwest laughed into the phone.

Jude smiled at his words, seemed like he was talking to a colleague or a friend or something. She was still amazed that she'd soon get paid for singing, for doing what she liked the most.

"No, not telling you a thing. D wants to keep it a secret for now, but I tell you, she's gonna make it, no matter what you try to pull off, T. She's way better than anything I heard in quite some time."

Jude wondered if he was talking about her, but why would Darius want to keep her being at I.O. Records a secret? She was a nobody in the biz, her one appearance at Instant Star didn't really count after all. But who was she to question Darius' decisions? Besides, she couldn't even be sure Kwest was talking about him. Although she had to admit that she was kind of assuming it.

"Ok T, I gotta go now. Work's calling and I won't tell you anything so this conversation is a complete waste of time."

Half an hour later Jude was already pretty tired and yawned a little.

"Tired rock star?" Kwest asked amused.

"Kind of. But don't stop on my account, I can last a little bit longer." Jude assured him not very convincing and yawned just once again against her will.

"You know what? You can go home for today. Be here tomorrow morning at, ehm, let's say 9:30?" Kwest proposed and Jude nodded gladly. She was really tired.

"See ya tomorrow." She said and left the studio, still smiling when she climbed into her car and headed home.


	4. 4 Everything's Changing

Ok, here's the next update, or better double update since I'm putting chap 3&4 up. I already got the next chapter mostly finished, I'll just have to read through it again before I can put it up. But I won't continue this story if you don't want me to, so please tell me.

Enjoy reading and REVIEW, please.

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Chapter 4

Jude was climbing out of her car, walking to the front door of the house she kinda called home. But truth was, today had only been her second day at the studio and she felt more at home there already than at her real, "official" home. Jude glanced at her watch and groaned inwardly when she realized her not-so lovely family was just dining in the living room, something that happened every Thursday night and was called family dinner. Absence wasn't allowed without a very good reason. Jude had stopped coming to them about a year ago and her parents hadn't said that much about it. In fact only her mother had asked two things.

_**Flashback**_

_Jude was coming home from school, she had skipped__ the family-dinner the night before to sing at a club and had had a hangover the whole day and was still recovering. As soon as she had closed the door behind her, her mother came out of the kitchen, the usual judging look on her face Jude's parents usually sent her these days. Jude sighed and waited for the rant to come. Since Jude had more or less stopped talking to her parents, they hadn't cared much about her either, they were way too busy fighting each other and cheering for Sadie. And when they did talk to Jude, then only because Jude's teachers had called because she had skipped school or because Jude had done something other wrong, then her parents were starting their lecture and as soon as they realized Jude wasn't even acting like she was actually paying attention they grounded her. But they never cared enough to look after her in her room, so they never knew that she climbed out of her window about every night._

"_You weren't at dinner last night." Victoria stated condemning. Jude rolled her eyes. What a hell of a statement._

"_I really admire your observation skills. Ever thought about a spy-career?" Jude asked annoyed, she knew she was crossing the line, especially after last night, but she was eager to get a reaction out of her mother, she hated these silent-treatments. It was like in her family everything that wasn't acceptable was kept silent as if it didn't exist at all. That was pretty much what her parents did to Jude anyways._

"_Not in this tone, Jude. I just wanted to know if you're planning on skipping the next dinners too, because if you do, I won't have to set up the table for four persons anymore. So, are you going to have dinner with us or not?"_

"_Ehm, now that you're asking so politely. I think I won't__, thanks for asking through." Jude answered angry, she couldn't believe how her parents were acting. She had once thought they'd love her, but truth was that as soon as Jude had broken her contract and had refused to live her dreams, her parents hadn't understood her and they had began to give up on her. But this day it was coming clearer than ever to her. Her parents had given up on her. And that had hurt so much, much more than Jude ever wanted to admit._

When Jude walked through the door she shook her head to get rid of the memories, it wasn't doing any good thinking of these things. They had happened the way they did and Jude had dealt with it, there was nothing left to wonder about.

Victoria, Stuart and Sadie were sitting around the table in the living room, eating their dinner and looking just like they always did when Jude was sitting there too, like a perfect family. Only thing was: Jude wasn't sitting there and wasn't a part of this family anymore, which took the familiar warm feeling away she used to have seeing these "people" together at dinner, before the whole her-not-being-part-of-the-family-anymore-thing. The three at the table were looking up surprised when Jude didn't walk straight upstairs to her room; instead she was walking into the living room, leaning against the doorframe, looking at her oh-so-perfect family.

"Jude!" Stuart said after a few minutes of silence. Jude snorted at his tone and his look, he knew she had seen him and his weak attempt to act like everything had been three years ago was just plain ridiculous. She wasn't a little child anymore who needed her dad, she had learned to live alone the hard way.

"I won't interrupt this perfect family picture much longer, I just came to say that I'll be moving out tomorrow. Sadie, you can have my room, I know you always wanted it as your second closet. So, enjoy the dinner I guess." Jude said and was about to turn around when Stuart's voice made her stop again.

"What are you talking about? Moving out? Where? You're in your senior year, you got no job, from what do you want to live?"

"What do you care?" Jude asked annoyed.

"You're part of this family, and as long as you're under my care I want to know where you live." Stuart replied firmly, trying to use his usual father-tone.

"Gee, dad, I wouldn't have thought that you of all would care for this family soo much. Just for the record, I do have a job. I'm signing the contract at I.O. Records tomorrow. And about school… well, who cares about school anyways? I haven't been there for quite some time, something you would have known if you really cared." Jude commented venomously.

"Jude! Don't talk to your father in this tone. You won't move out of here or drop out of school for god's sake. Don't you think signing one contract that doesn't work out is enough?" Victoria asked angry and even sounding a little bit worried too. But Jude knew better than to take her worry for real, her mother was just acting that way so that she'd to be able to tell herself that she was a good mother.

"Oh come on mom, don't act like it's your call or something. I'm 18, at least I'll be in a couple of weeks. If it's so important to you, I'll sign the contract on my birthday. But no matter what, you don't get any say in my life anymore. You can't make me stay here or not take this job or go to school. You just can't." Jude said and rolled her eyes at her mother's shocked face. Sometimes she was really asking herself what was going on in her mother's head. What had she been expecting after the last three years?

"Well, maybe I can't make you do anything because I'm your mother, but it's my money your living off, so if you as much as leave this house and try move out or go to this stupid studio tomorrow, you don't need to ever come back and ask for money when you blew it again." Victoria threatened.

Jude looked at her mother disbelievingly. This was her threat? Not giving her any money or support? _Oh, this is going to be fun. I can't believe she actually dared to… No._

"Know what? I don't care. You're saying that if I leave you won't support me anymore? That you'll abandon me? Well, here's a newsflash, I don't give a damn about this family. Wanna know why? Because I haven't been a part of it since three years ago! If I had, I would sit at this table there with you, but –obviously- I don't. I don't give a damn about your support, you haven't done me any good these last years." Jude said bitter and upset. She couldn't believe they were actually trying to threaten her, to blackmail her into doing what they wanted after three years of not caring.

Jude stormed upstairs and grabbed her backpack, her purse and her suitcase, which she had packed the night before. Then she walked downstairs and straight out of the house, not even bothering to look at her family or say good-bye. She walked to her car, put the suitcase in the trunk and locked the car. She wasn't in the mood for driving, she wanted to walk, to run, to do anything to get rid of her rage that was burning inside of her.

She walked, just walked for walking's sake. She always used to do this when she was young and her and Sadie just had a fight and their parents had taken Sadie's side, like usual. She used to love walking through the rain, it was like the rain was smelling good to her, although everybody would tell her that rain doesn't smell. For Jude it did.

_How did it come this far? When did my l__ife get so messed up? Ok, stupid question. It obviously was when stupid-me kissed Little Tommy Q. I still don't get how I could ever feel for that guy, not to mention throwing my career away because of that stupid kiss. It was nothing, at least nothing for him and I should have stayed, asked for another producer or something. He even told me it was all fine, afterwards, when he gave me that CD. But I was so busy with feeling embarrassed, with feeling ashamed. I should have just told him that it had been a dare or something and that there had never been anything to it. I would have gotten over him eventually, just like I did after I quit. Just that the quitting part was completely unnecessary. I mean, I had a crush on Tom Quincy, so what? Just like Kat said, he's hot and everything, it was just normal. It wouldn't have lasted very long anyways. But then again… that's just so typical me, imagine that there actually was something between us, like that was ever going to happen. I was just a kid for him and to be true, I was. I was naïve and stupid. _

_Oh damn it. There's no sense in thinking about this day again and again, I can't change it anymore and all these "what if"s won't get me anywhere. I got a second change, thanks to Darius and I'll use this one. Kwest's a good guy and I like him, although I'm not attracted to him, so that won't be a problem this time. It's gonna be all about my music and nothing else.__ I won't look back and I won't mess this up again. I can't. Because if I do, I'd have to go back to my so-called family and I'd rather die than doing this. _

A tear fell down Jude's cheek, when she thought about how much she had changed the last three years, it was like when she had quit she had been a little girl and now she was an adult. She had learned to live on her own and she had learned it the hard way. She wouldn't back down for anyone anymore, she had no parents who would try to tell her how to live and she wouldn't take crap form anyone else. In fact, she had no parents anymore, at least not from her point of view.

Just like she wasn't a redhead anymore, like she had been at that Instant Star contest. She had died her hair blonde like a month after she had quit and after she had seen her dad doing this woman on their couch three days ago, she had went to a coiffeur who was a friend of hers and had her hair cut short, so that it just about cupped her chin.

A few lyrics shot through Jude's mind. From a song of Avril Lavigne, she had really come to like her music in the last years, she could somehow relate to her lyrics. Although Jude liked Avril's old songs better than the new ones. Jude started to sing softly.

"It's time now to turn around

Turn my back on everything  
Turn my back on everything  
Everything's changing

When I turn around  
All out of my control  
I'm a mobile  
Everything's changing

Everywhere I go  
Out of what I know  
I'm a mobile"

At some point Jude reached the I.O. Records building, she hadn't intended to walk to the studio, but her feet seemed to have a will of their own. She looked at her watch and realized that it was already almost 9 p.m. No surprise that nobody was in the studio and it was locked. Jude sat down on the stairs, reaching in her backpack and taking a few sips of her bottle with coca cola.

Jude didn't really know what to do. She wouldn't get an apartment till the next day and she really didn't want to try to call Darius or Kwest. She didn't want to seem helpless or something. She wasn't even planning on telling them or anyone about her parents kicking her out. After all, she'd have moved out the next day anyway, so it didn't really matter. It didn't make a difference, except that it did.

_Just that I gotta spend the night somewhere. I could always walk back home and sleep in my car, but I'd probably meet my parents, waiting at the car to talk me out of leaving. I sure as hell don't wanna talk to__ them now- or ever. Besides, these steps feel somewhat comfortable, really. It won't be that bad sleeping here, I mean, hey, I'm Jude freaking Harrison, I can just as well sleep on the streets._

Jude closed her eyes and leaned her back against the door of the main entrance, she was feeling happy but sad at the same time and she didn't knew what to do with these feelings. When she thought about her family and that she hadn't one any longer, she was sad and about to cry, but when she thought about what was lying ahead and that she wouldn't have to listen to any fights or something anymore she was happy and excited.

What Jude hated the most was that she was so damn weak. She had always told Ryan how much she didn't care about her parents and now here she was, crying about these people called her family all over again. But this time it was over for good, and although she was crying a little bit right now, from the next day on, she wouldn't look back once. Because she wasn't someone to live in the past and miss everything, she was someone to move on and live her life. At least she wanted herself to be that way.

_Oh this is so stupid, here I'm sitting, on the front steps of the studio, crying myself to sleep. If that isn't pathetic, then what is?_

"Hello?" A voice asked, sounding far away.

Jude stirred and opened her eyes, looking around to see who had spoken. A guy was standing right in front of her, black hair, sunglasses and a leather jacket.

"Hello." Jude replied cautiously.

"Are you ok? Because I just saw you crying here in front of this studio and it's not safe for young woman like you to stay out on the streets this late." The stranger said. Jude would have rolled her eyes if she wasn't that scared, this guy could be just as well one of these guys who didn't take "no" as an answer. But something about him was strangely familiar to her. She tried to blink the tears away, to see the person in front of her better while she retorted coldly.

"Mind your own business, would you? I'm just fine, isn't that obvious?"

"Not really. Look, why don't we walk down the street? I know a place where you can crash. You don't exactly seem like a girl who's sleeping on the streets." The guy said with a small smile. That was the moment when Jude recognized the stranger. He wasn't a stranger. She knew these blue eyes behind the sunglasses like her own, she had been lost in them often enough. Jude waited for the realization to dawn on Tommy, but it didn't seem like it. Tom Quincy was standing in front of her, Jude Harrison, and he had no idea who she was.

_Well, can't exactly blame him, he hasn't changed a bit, but I changed about everything, I'm blonde and I grew up. I guess nobody would recognize me as that girl from the contest. Just what I intended._

"And why would I trust you enough to even talk to you?" Jude asked to win time.

"Well, since you're already talking to me, the trust issue can't be that bad. Besides, I won't force you to anything, I promise. I'm Tom Quincy and I'm on my way home, why don't you accompany me, and if you trust me enough you can crash at my place, I got enough room to open a hotel." Tommy proposed smiling and Jude felt something in her stomach when she saw his smile and his eyes checking her out. She had to bite back laughter through. Tom Quincy was hitting on her, because that was the only reason Jude could think of, why he'd talk to her and offer her a place to crash. The Tommy, who she had kissed three years ago and the same Tommy, who had been the reason for her quitting.

_I should tell him to leave me alone and walk home. But on the other hand… I don't want to go back home and I don't wanna sleep here either. So the only other option is… But that's probably a bad idea, I mean what if he recognizes me? Oh well, he knew me for what? A week? I have changed, I'm a completely other person then I was three years ago. Besides, it's still better than sleeping in a car or on the streets. And he's still hot, although he's already 25._

"Ok, why not." Jude murmured and stood up, grabbed her things and started walking. After a few steps she stopped turned around to see Tommy starring at her surprised. "What? Are you coming any time soon? Or are these sunglasses of yours slowing you down? By the way, it's not that cleverto wear some of those at night, when it's dark outside."

Tommy grinned and caught up with her, obviously happy about that unexpected turn of events.

"So, how come you were about to spend a night on the steps in front of I.O. Records?" Tommy asked after some time that they just walked side by side.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I was planning on moving out of my… boyfriend's apartment. He didn't like it at all and kicked me out immediately when I told him. I somehow doubt I'll get a new apartment tonight, especially without any money." Jude lied without even flinching. She had learned lying too in these last years, just like acting. She had even taken acting-courses since Ryan's girlfriend had been organizing one and had told Jude she really had talent.

"Stupid boyfriend." Tommy commented. Jude threw him a weird look and he added grinning charmingly. "Anyone who lets you just walk out the door, gotta be stupid."

"Charming, really." Jude smiled, thinking about how HE hadn't even kissed her back, how would he call himself then? A fool? Although Jude preferred self-righteous, cocky idiot.

"That's what my fans call me all the time." Tommy said chuckling. Jude rolled her eyes at his behavior, she couldn't understand what every female fan was seeing in him. Ok, so she could understand it, but she didn't want to admit that.

"Look,… ehm, what's your name?" Tommy began but stopped asking for her name. Only then they both realized Jude hadn't introduced herself yet. She blushed slightly, she just had forgotten to introduce herself, since she already knew who he was and everything.

"I'm Sadie." Jude lied through her teeth without hesitating. Her sister Sadie had always been a big Tommy Q fan, so what name would suit her better than Sadie's? Especially since it would literally kill Sadie to know Jude was walking down the street with Little Tommy Q hitting on her, and Jude loved everything that made Sadie jealous.

"Ok then Sadie." Tommy said smiling this special smile that had earned him all the girls hearts, although Jude somehow felt like he had smiled to her differently back then at the lake and everything. But she brushed it off as some stupid imagination, she after all had had a wild fantasy three years ago anyway for thinking Tommy had actually felt for her.

"Look, I still gotta stop by this club, meet somebody and pick something up." Tommy explained and Jude just nodded. She was Sadie tonight and there was nothing for her to worry about, after all she was on her way to Tom Quincy's apartment, a million girls would kill to be in her place right now.

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What's going to happen between Jude and Tommy this night and what will be the consequences to Jude's little lie? REVIEW to find out.


	5. 5 Surprise

Ok, guys, I got a few other stories I gotta update. But I gotta admit that this one is the one I like to write the most, but I usually update after the reviews and visitors a story gets... And I'll now write more for my other stories, but I still got at least one more chapter written out. So please review and tell me what you think!

For all who read my other stories, there'll be a update soon!

Enjoy reading and review, please.

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Chapter 5

Jude and Tommy walked through the not very crowed club; it was familiar to Jude since she had sung there a few times. She was just hoping that no one would recognize her and talk to her.

"I see my friend, he's over there!" Tommy shouted, louder than the music. Jude's eyes followed the direction he was showing and she felt her heart nearly stop when she recognized Kwest. As in her producer Kwest. As in: probably the only person Jude AND Tommy knew.

_Great. So much to stay anonymous. __Damn it, I can't go with him over there._

"Ehm, Tommy? You go over there and talk to your friend, I'm going to the bar, 'kay?" Jude asked nervously, but she was playing her part well and Tommy wasn't paying that much attention either so he didn't notice that she was nervous at all. If he did, he probably would have brushed it off and thought it was because he was Little Tommy Q and everything.

A few moments later Jude was sitting at the bar, a shot of tequila in front of her.

_That was close. Only problem i__s, that the disaster isn't prevented yet, because Tommy might bring Kwest with him to the bar. And then I'm totally busted._

Jude downed the shot without hesitating, the only things that could help her right now were faith and alcohol. She usually preferred to rely on alcohol since Fortuna hadn't been a good friend of hers lately, except for the whole Darius/contract thing.

_But maybe Kwest won't tell on me, I'll just have to let him know he shouldn't, maybe he'll do it. After all I like him and I think he likes me too, so he might be ok with being quiet just for this night. I'll explain everything tomorrow._

Jude ordered another drink. And downed it right away.

_But Tommy said Kwest i__s his friend, so he'll probably tell on me, I'd do the same for a friend of mine, especially with not knowing what's going on. Oh, this is soooo messed up._

"Hey Sadie, I see you found the bar then?" Tommy asked while sitting down next to her. Jude looked around quickly, checking the area for Kwest. But he was nowhere to be seen. Jude sighed relieved and smiled genuinely at Tommy.

"Yep, I did. So you picked up what you came for from your friend?"

"Yeah, I did." Tommy replied grinning, then he ordered a drink too. "So, you mentioned you weren't that much into music earlier. So what are you into then?"

"Well…" Jude began, not sure what to say, she had flat out lied about the music thing to avoid any questions or any topics that could remind him of who she really was. "I'm into fashion. And acting. But I'm not famous or something like you. Obviously." Jude said and giggled. She'd never giggle usually, but she couldn't help herself with him starring at her like that, besides, she was playing a role after all, so why not invent the new character properly? The less she was herself, the less she would feel bad or guilty afterwards. So far in theory.

"Fashion and acting? Sounds interesting. You know, I got many friends in the film business, the same with the fashion scene. To me you seem like a girl with talent, you know?" Tommy said, with his charm on full battery. Jude nearly laughed at him, he was so obviously trying to get into her pants it was getting ridiculous. But she assumed that he was just used to girls who adored him so much that anything was working. And, she blamed the alcohol for that, she actually liked it. Although she knew how cheap his sentences were and how he totally NOT meant it, she couldn't help but like it, like him.

"Why don't you tell me more about your famous friends, Tom?" She asked the question every model or actress would ask. She knew he expected her to ask something like this, and who was she to disappoint him?

"You can call me Tommy, everyone does."

"Alright. TOMMY." Jude said and grinned.

Half an hour later Jude was slightly drunk and was laughing at a joke Tommy made that wasn't funny at all. But Tommy was used to this kind of behavior from his other model-girlfriends. They were all this way, just living their life, getting drunk, having fun, looking hot like hell. He never had problems with getting too attached through, because these girls would never understand his music and a girl who didn't do that, wouldn't do it for him at all.

"Let's get out of here, ok Sadie? Come on, I'll help you, let's go home." Tommy told Jude and grabbed her arm, leading her through the club.

"I don't need help walking." Jude said irritated, but she kind of slurred. Everything, even her vision was blurred.

"You don't? Then maybe I just want to hold your arm and have an excuse for it." Tommy chuckled at Jude's kind of childish indignant tone.

"Granted." Jude giggled. This urge to giggle was really getting weird. Three years ago she hadn't been giggling all the time either.

"I totally love Toronto at nights. You know, when I was young I used to climb out on the roof of our house and watch the lights of the city in the dark; it was always my little get away, my hiding place. I haven't done that in far too long." Jude babbled happily while they were walking through Toronto's downtown.

"Sounds like a nice childhood you had. When I was in BoyzAttack, I used to love flying with a plane or something, seeing the lights of the city's miles under you. It was like watching…" Tommy said, stopping to search an appropriate metaphor.

"Like stars on the earth." Jude ended the sentence for him; they both looked at each other and got kind of lost in each other's eyes. Tommy felt like he only did once or twice in his whole life before, he felt himself connect with this girl, starting to actually like and care about her.

Tommy tore his gaze from Jude's eyes and stopped walking in front of a big skyscraper. He wasn't supposed to feel anything for this girl, all he wanted was to have fun with her tonight. That was it, or at least that was how it should be.

"I guess we're there. This is where I live."

"This is where you live?" Jude repeated. "Wow, impressive."

"And you haven't even been inside yet, you're easy to impress, right?" Tommy teased smiling.

"Not at all Quincy, not at all." Jude replied. None of the two noticed that Jude was slipping back into her old habit of calling Tommy "Quincy" when they were joking around. If Jude was sober she probably would have rolled her eyes at herself for developing "habits" in the one whole week she had "known" Tommy.

Tommy looked down at the girl next to him and couldn't help but feel drawn to her. This girl was similar to the other models he had dated, at least if you're talking about good-looking, hobbys, interests and such stuff. But somehow she was different, she was saying what she was thinking and she didn't seem to care about what others thought about her. She had this attitude, she didn't want any help from him and she didn't appear needy or something, although he had found her sleeping on the front steps for god's sake. He hadn't met such people who wore their heart at their sleeves and still had this dignity that often, one of them had been an artist of his for a week or so, but then she had quitted, although she had had a very promising career in front of her, but she had felt for him, like many others, and since she had been way too young he had messed everything up and denied feeling for her too.

"Wow, this is… wow." Jude mumbled when they entered Tommy's apartment and brought Tommy back from his memories to reality. He grinned at her shock about his luxury apartment. He hadn't had many visitors, but she didn't know that she was one of only a few selected people, if she did, she would probably drop her jaw too. Tommy chuckled at the thought of that. Somehow he couldn't picture this girl next to him as one of these arrogant and self-righteous models or actresses she said she belonged to. Although he had only known her for a few hours, he couldn't help but feeling like she was something special.

"Don't laugh about me!" Jude cried laughing and punched Tommy playfully.

"I don't, I'd never ever laugh about you, girl." He said with an honest face, from which he knew every woman was buying everything he'd say.

Jude walked through Tommys apartment, while he stayed in the kitchen, watching her looking around in his home. He shortly remembered what Kwest had said in the club before. Kwest had been upset about Tommy having another one of "those girls" with him, he had even made a biting comment about what had happened to Tommy's latest preference for red-heads. Luckily Kwest didn't know about the inappropriate thoughts he had about Jude three years ago; even nowadays he still thought about her sometimes, which was obviously the reason for his preference for red-heads.

"Well, I like your apartment." Jude said while entering the kitchen. Tommy smiled at her and asked her what she wanted to drink. Then he took two glasses of wine and they went over to the living room, sitting down on his comfy old leather couch.

"So, you got some pictures of your BoyzAttack times standing around." Jude stated after they had talked a bit and somehow reached the topic music.

"Yeah, some memories that weren't that bad, you know." Tommy explained with a somewhat constrained smile. He wasn't proud of his boybander-times.

"I hate to break it to you, but that music you made, it was crap. I hated it, my sister loved it and I hated it even more." Jude told him and laughed for no reason.

"This might surprise you, but I agree. That's why I left the band after all." Tommy said with a grin after Jude had gotten herself together again. Jude met his gaze and suddenly both felt the sparks between them, the electricity was in the air and they couldn't tear their eyes apart.

A few moments later they were kissing, not even remembering who had started the kiss. Not that they were caring about it in that particular moment. All they cared about was each other's hand all over their body, the kind of familiar passion inside of them which was like a burning fire and their lips that seemed to be sealed together for forever.

Jude woke up the next morning, feeling extraordinary happy. She hadn't felt this content like… ever before. At least she couldn't remember a time where she had felt this unbelievable good. After a few moments Jude realized three things through. First, she wasn't in her bedroom, but in a bedroom that was completely strange to her. Second she had a hell of a headache, the typical hang-over headache she had had often enough to recognize it just too well. Third, her memories were slowly coming back and one of them was that she had had sex the night before.

Jude stirred in the bed. She wasn't a virgin anymore and she had been losing her precious virginity while she had been drunk?

Jude turned around quickly, trying to get a good sight of who was lying in the bed next to her. She immediately regretted the quick motion through, because a sharp pang shot through her head and made her groan silently. She groaned again when she noticed WHO was laying in front of her. Tommy.

_Gre__at, I slept with Tommy. Tommy as in the notorious playboy who's on like every tabloid in the country at least once a week. So much to what I told Micheal a year ago when I still dated him, about that I wanted to wait with my first time, wanted it to be special. This is sure as hell not special. I'm sure tons of girls can pride themselves of waking up in the exactly same situation. Best thing's still coming; he doesn't even know who I am. Although... he probably didn't know all his groupies that well either. Damn it, I gotta get out of here real quick._

Jude stood up tentatively, eager not to wake Tommy up. Her plan was pretty simple but effective. She'd collect her clothes and escape this apartment; then she'd go to the studio, move into her new apartment and act like last night never happened. And maybe she'd stop by at Starbucks and get herself a few liters of coffee against the major hang-over. All she had to do was to not wake Tommy up. Should be not that hard to accomplish somehow, should it?

While Jude was putting her clothes on she wanted to start crying. Her head was literally killing her, her memories were coming back and she remembered pretty clear how she had behaved like the cheapest slut, at least in her opinion. How could she have lied about her identity and slept with Little Tommy Q of all people, plus he was the reason she had given up on her dreams once already. And what had she been thinking going home with him in the first place?

_Don't think about that now Jude, focus. Get your shoes on and get out of here. Go to Starbucks and get your coffee fix, then you can think about the mess you got yourself into. Maybe, if you're lucky, you won't ever see him again, and even if you do, there might be a chance he forgets "Sadie" re__al quick, after all he wasn't exactly sober too._

But no matter what Jude told herself, it was highly doubtful that Tommy wouldn't recognize her as the girl who had ran away in the morning, after he had taken away her virginity. Something he'd know since the sheets were kind of bloody at a few spots.

Jude managed somehow to get out of the apartment and inside the elevator without wakening Tommy and she couldn't have been more relieved about that. She was scared to hell, when she thought about Tommy ever finding out who "Sadie" really was. But maybe, maybe he wouldn't. Hope always dies last.

* * *

What will happen next? How will her new apartment be like, and what will her family say once they realize that Jude's gone for good? What if someone finds out?

Teasers for Chapter 6:

"You're living next door?" Jude questioned...

"Park over there. This is my parents' house." Jude said suddenly quiet...

"Yvette! You forgot something!"...

"That" Jude stressed disgusted "that was my dad's mistress...

"Jude Alexandra Harrison. You're coming back into this house with me right now. This isn't a discussion."...

"What we need is someone who's better than Eden and Karma together. We need Jude..."

"No, no. All questions answered I guess."

Wanna read the whole thing? REVIEW, please, it only costs seconds but it makes me extremely happy....


	6. 6 New Apartment, but the same old family

hehehe... ok, I know I'm a bad bad person, because I intentionally put the teaser that way that you'll all expect a Jommy chapter, or at least a chapter with TOMMY in it. Hate to dissapoint, but he isn't in this. He still doesn't know that Jude's back in the biz, nor that she's Sadie, but he will soon, I promise and from then on it'll be Jommy... There'll be a whole chapter of Tommy's point of view (7 or 8) and after that I got some real good things planned for the big revelation, at least I'm excited to write it out.

Since the tests-weeks start monday I'll try and write some more this week-end when I'm not studying, but from then on I can't promise anything, please stick with me through... :) Ok, here it goes, and I promise all those who are angry now because there'll be no Tommy: It's worth it (I hope)

Enjoy Reading And Review, Please!

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Chapter 6

Jude was standing in front of the elevator, waiting for it to come. She took another sip from her sixth latte this morning. Her first five she had drank right at Starbucks and had taken two aspirins along with them. For the first time since she had woken up she was smiling softly, thinking that she had broken her personal record for one morning. Besides, she was supposed to be smiling, after all she was about to see her new apartment.

After she had left Tommy she had gotten into the next cab and had been driving straight to the studio, storming into Darius office. She had announced that she needed the new apartment right now and that she wanted to move in right away. Darius had given her the keys just after she had signed her contract. She was now an official artist of I.O. Records and Darius was her manager.

The elevator came and the doors glided open. Jude entered the cabin and pressed the button with the white 11, anxious to get to see her new home. To her an own apartment meant freedom, independence, finally her own space. Finally no parents coming in whenever they wanted to, no sister across the hall, who was making her life hell.

Now she had a lock and the keys for it and she was the only one who had those. Well, expect for the janitor and maybe Darius got some emergency key somewhere… But no one would come into her apartment without her permission. And to know that felt so damn good.

Jude had decided to just not think about what had happened the night before. She would forget "Sadie" and everything would be just fine. The only thing she'd have to do was avoiding Tommy, then nobody would ever know. Nobody but her.

_It's bad enough that I know through. It's like __I can't get rid of the thoughts, because although I decided to not think about it, I can't help but wonder about what would have happened if I had stayed. And when I don't think about how awesome last night was, then I'm thinking about how I really should forget this night. This so totally sucks._

When Jude unlocked the door to her apartment and went inside she held her breath without even noticing she did so. She was totally stunned. This apartment was unbelievable to her. It had about four rooms, but she had already known that from Darius. But the interior was similar to Tommy's in some way. It was also luxury and the kitchen was even from the same firm.

_Oh great, and here we go again. I can't even not think about how his stupid apartment looked. That's so pathetic. Tommy would have never taken me home or anything if he knew who I was and since I'm now in the business again he'll probably find out someday whom virginity he really took and I sure as hell don't wanna be around when he finds out. He'll be mad, probably, or he'll make fun of me or… STOP right there. He'll never find out and I got an apartment to examine, I won't think of this stupid Tommy Q the whole time, damn it._

Jude just walked into her bedroom when she heard a doorbell ring. She paused for a moment, wondering if it was really her doorbell, since she didn't have a clue who should actually visit her. But when the bell ringed again Jude knew it was her door. So she walked over to open it, already angry with herself again because she had assumed for a short moment that maybe it was Tommy. As if he knew where she lived or like he'd actually come to her in the first place, he had gotten what he had wanted from "Sadie".

Jude looked through the spy hole in the door and smiled happily when she saw Kwest waiting in front of the door with a little bunch of flowers in his hands. She opened the door and hugged Kwest before he could even say a word. She let go of him after a few moments and pulled him with her inside.

"Hello to you too, Jude." Kwest said amused and a little bit startled at her cheerful behavior.

"Sorry Kwest, but I'm just so unbelievable happy, I finally got out of my parents house and now I have this awesome apartment all to myself!" Jude said grinning at his surprise, she couldn't really tell him that she wasn't only happy seeing him and cheering her joy about her new apartment, but also that he was a very welcome distraction for her from certain topics about a certain night with a certain someone she wanted to forget.

"Well, then I'm happy for you. You look like you can't stop grinning, just like if you had been…" Kwest said chuckling but stopped himself before he could end the sentence. He wanted to say like Jude had been laid the night before, but of course he couldn't really say that to a girl, especially when he knew her for only two days. When Jude blushed he knew that she knew just too well what he had been about to say. And although he cursed himself to say something like this, especially since he normally wasn't the guy who said these things, but something about Jude made him less cautious like around most other girls, he couldn't help but think if the blush was a "yes" to his unfinished assumption. "Well, I got here some flowers for you, as a little welcome-present. I think you should better put them into a flower vase with some water, don't you think?" Kwest tried to say something to end the uncomfortable silence.

Jude nodded quickly and took the flowers from him, walked into the kitchen and grabbed a vase she had seen when she had first entered the kitchen and put some water and then the flowers in it. She knew very well what Kwest had been about to say, although she guessed that it probably had been a joke. None the matter Jude planned on trying to act less cheerful and a little bit more Jude-like. She didn't want other people to think like Kwest.

When she came back into the living room Kwest had already sat down on her leather couch. It was a new one, so not very comfy yet in contrast to… Jude sighed and walked over to Kwest, determined to talk with him about something that made her forget the ex-boybander although a little doubting voice in her mind was wondering if there was such a thing after this night.

"So, what about that little welcome present? I came to I.O. Records three days ago, forgot that already?" Jude asked and smiled at Kwest, showing him that she didn't care about what he said before and that things weren't awkward between them. Surprisingly they really weren't awkward for both of them.

"Well, but you're only since today my neighbor, so I thought what I missed the first time shouldn't happen twice, should it?" Kwest answered her question grinning at her surprised expression.

"You're living next door?" Jude questioned, she had wondered who'd live on her floor too when she had passed the door of the other apartment, but she had never even dreamed of Kwest being her neighbor.

"Not exactly. I live one floor under yours, in the tenth. The apartment you came by when you came through the hallway isn't occupied at this point of time, the old man who lived there has moved out a week ago and the owner is still on vacation so it'll take some time till it's rented to someone else." Kwest explained.

"Oh, ok. But this is soo cool, my producer living right beneath me. We can even drive to work together." Jude concluded, happy that she already had a friend in her new building. Because Kwest was her friend, that was something she was sure of.

"That we can do. But today I actually came here to help you moving in." Kwest said chuckling at her childish excitement.

"Help me moving in?"

"Yeah, since we're friends we help each other. And since I'm the guy I'm doing the whole heavy lifting stuff."

"Then I think you won't have much to do, I just need to get my car from my parents house and in there's only one suitcase and although I'm female I actually CAN lift my suitcase myself, but thanks for the offer." Jude smiled when she thought about how few things she actually had packed. But she wouldn't miss the rest too much. Besides, she was planning on going soon shopping anyways.

"Should I drive you to your parents' home?" Kwest asked curious about where Jude lived and how a girl, as in a female, could have all the stuff she needed in only one suitcase.

Jude contemplated a few moments if she should let Kwest drive her. If she did and her parents were waiting for her, it wouldn't be very nice. Kwest would know about what had happened the evening before and he'd probably ask her where she had slept the night before. Jude really didn't want to answer that question. But on the other hand she didn't want to spend all her money on another cab or walk home.

"Ok, let's go then. Maybe we're lucky and my parents won't even know we were ever there." Jude said and they both went out of her apartment.

"So I take it you're not very close with your parents?" Kwest asked Jude.

"Not really. I don't wanna talk about it." Jude said sharply, knowing that getting into that topic would only make things worse and bring back old feelings.

"I understand. I haven't had a good childhood either, my parents were fighting all the time when my dad wasn't in prison." Kwest said, trying to show Jude that he knew how parents could be. He had seen the dark shadow that had been in her eyes when he had mentioned her parents.

"I'm sorry, Kwest. I didn't know that."

Kwest looked at Jude and saw heartfelt sympathy in her eyes. He smiled sadly and nodded.

"Look, it wasn't like that with my parents, you know? I had a good childhood. I have an older sister and we always fought, but she helped me sometimes too, so it wasn't that bad. It's just… in the last years things have kind of changed." Jude tried to explain without giving too much away. She knew she didn't have to tell anything, but she didn't want Kwest to think she had an abusive childhood or something, because she hadn't. In contrast to what Kwest must have endured her life was pretty perfect.

Kwest threw Jude a weird and questioning look, but when he saw that she was lost in thoughts he didn't say anything. He had a feeling like he'd know what had happened soon enough. Because whatever it was, it seemed to have left marks on Jude. He could judge that from the sadness in her eyes. He himself hadn't had a good childhood and had been happy to escape his home when he had began working for Darius as an engineer and had went on tour with BoyzAttack, but he had overcome the past, he was happy now and didn't look back that often. But he could see that Jude wasn't over whatever had happened yet and he was determined to help her get over it if she let him help her.

"Park over there. This is my parents' house." Jude said suddenly quiet. Kwest parked and looked around. The house looked nice and the neighborhood didn't seem bad either.

"It looks nice." Kwest tried to fill the silence, but he failed since Jude just nodded, somewhat even looking sadder than before. Kwest wanted to punch himself for always saying the wrong things.

Jude just climbed out of the car when suddenly the front door opened and a brown-haired woman left the house smiling. Jude came back into the car as quickly as possible and ducked son the woman wouldn't see her. Kwest instead looked at the woman who was approaching from the house.

A man with short cut hair appeared in the front door frame and called something.

"Yvette! You forgot something!"

The woman turned around and walked the few steps back to the door and kissed the man, obviously that was what he meant when he said she had forgotten something.

A few minutes later the woman was speeding away in her car and the front door was closed again.

"Jude? What's wrong? Was that your mother?" Kwest asked, not knowing why Jude was still hiding.

"You could think that, couldn't you?" Jude replied bitterly and came back into a sitting position. Kwest looked at her stupidly.

"Ok, I'm officially lost here."

"That" Jude stressed disgusted "that was my dad's mistress. I caught them in the act three days ago."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Jude." Kwest said with empathy in his voice.

"I don't need pity. My parents are like fighting all the time anyways, so it shouldn't be that surprising he's got a mistress, should it? It's not like he's giving a damn about our so-called family." Jude brushed off sarcastically. She was angry at herself for sounding bitter and like she still cared. Because she didn't. It wasn't her place to care about anymore.

Kwest wanted to say something, but Jude motioned for him to stop and said quietly.

"I'm going to go and get my car. I'll see you around later, right?" Jude climbed out of the car without waiting for an answer.

Kwest watched worriedly how Jude walked to the garage instead of the house, opened the garage and unlocked the car standing in it. He assumed that it was her car then. Suddenly another quickly approaching car attracted Kwest's attention. It parked right in front of his car and two women came out. One older blonde woman and a younger one, she was blonde too and looked very pretty.

"Jude!" The older woman cried and when Kwest's eyes focused on Jude again he saw her stop dead in her motions to get into her car. She spun around and a look of anger was all over her face.

"Mom." She stated calmly, but Kwest could sense her anger and hurt none the matter. "Sadie, good to see you. I just stopped by to get my car." She continued in the same cold calm tone that was kind of scary.

"You won't get into this car and just leave like you did yesterday night, Jude. I and your father, we'll forgive you your behavior and accept your apology. I'll just go inside and drop of the errands and then we'll drive to that wannabe manager of yours and tell him to leave you alone and then you'll go back to school and we'll all forget about this stupid incidence, alright?" Jude's mother said in a tone that was probably supposed to be friendly and generous. Kwest had no clue what she was talking about, but he did get so much that something had happened the night before and that Jude's parents obviously weren't very fond of the idea of their daughter singing at I.O. Records. Kwest wondered if that was what Jude had meant about how things had changed.

"You just don't get it, do you? I'm not apologizing, I'm not coming back. I'm not a part of this damn family anymore, just like you said yesterday and I don't want to. The only reason I'm here is to get my car." Jude yelled clearly upset now and obviously not capable of holding her anger back any longer. Kwest wished he could help Jude somehow, she seemed so lost, standing there, fighting with her mother who obviously didn't understand her daughter. Kwest was also pretty sure that the woman had no idea that her husband was cheating on her.

"Jude Alexandra Harrison. You're coming back into this house with me right now. This isn't a discussion."

Kwest shook his head sadly, this woman didn't seem to get anything at all. She didn't even get that Jude was serious about leaving. What Kwest didn't get was why Jude was so obviously holding back from screaming at her mother that her father was cheating on her. If Kwest would have been at Jude's place he probably would have yelled it at his mother right away, got into the car and just would have driven away. He could see how Jude was about to do exactly what he was thinking about. But then she seemed to restrain from yelling and just got into her car and started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

While she sped away Kwest heard Jude's sister saying something to her mom, he concentrated to understand what she was saying.

"…so typical for Jude. She'll come crawling back soon enough after she messes up on her new label again. Last time it lasted a week. I give her two days and she'll be back again."

Kwest was now entirely confused. From what Jude's sister had said so venomously Jude had already had a contract once but it hadn't worked out for some reason. Kwest watched the two Harrison-women walking into the house then he drove away, his mind full with questions about what exactly had happened to Jude.

About one and a half hour later Kwest was storming into Darius' office. He had stopped by Jude's apartment after he had left the Harrison's house, but she hadn't been there. Then he had searched in the internet for some information and called some friends and had found out that a certain Jude Harrison had won the first Instant Star contest three years ago.

"What's going on here D? Jude has won Instant Star? Why haven't you told me?" Kwest inquired to know, well knowing that he wasn't very respectful.

"When I ever said I had an open door policy, I lied, you know that, don't you?" Darius asked annoyed.

"Yeah, I do. What I don't know is what the hell happened, so please tell me and I won't ever enter your office without knocking first, alright?"

"There's not much to say. Jude won the contest and signed a contract with G-Major over three albums. After a week Jude refused to live up to the contract and her parents had to pay a pretty high amount of money to get her out of the contract. From then on she only played in some little clubs, but people like her songs. I heard about her a few weeks ago, did some research and then I asked her if she wanted another shot. That's all I know." Darius explained still pretty annoyed.

"But what happened? Why did she broke the contract?" Kwest asked stunned. He certainly hadn't expected that. These Instant Star contests had been the last three years too and all the winners were now pretty famous, some more, some less, none of them world-wide or something, but in Canada they were successful.

"I don't know. Georgia won't talk about her and I can't be too obvious interested in her. The problem is, that G-Major has a tough concurrence with Eden and now Karma too. We can't compete with our female youth singers like Patsy. What we need is someone who's better than Eden and Karma together. We need Jude. And we'll keep her being here and secret as long as somehow possible, because whatever happened back then, I think it's better if Jude and we're confronted with it as late as somehow possible. Anything else?"

"No, no. All questions answered I guess." Kwest said while he was wondering how he could find out more about the whole thing.

"Good. Then get back to work. I want Jude's song "Skin" finished tomorrow." Darius said and turned his attention back to some papers on his desk. The conversation was officially over. Kwest left the office lost in his own thoughts, he drove right back home since he didn't know that Jude was in the studio, writing on a new song.

* * *

Ok, that was it, just wanted to show you about what happened to Jude's family and everything and I wanted Kwest to know some more... well... here goes the tearsers....

xoxo Kathy

**Teasers for Chapter 7 (haven't written it out totally, but mostly, so no guarantees):**

...Don't be. All I want to know is what's going on in that head of yours...

..."What did you just say? Something about "care" and something you "still hoped"." Kwest questioned, eager to finally get out of Jude what was bothering her so much...

...You'll be the new face of "Glambious"... commercial... do you know what a chance that is?... Everybody in the country will know your face even before they hear your music...

...You've been here before and from what I saw you won't mess this up this time, will you?" Darius asked somewhat threatening...

...since it was Tommy. The Tommy she had been thinking about a whole lot more than she wanted to admit and here he was, going shopping with .... who seemed to be his artist AND his girlfriend...

...It just- bothered her....


	7. 7 The Whole Country Will Know Your Face

First up: I had named the last two chapters wrong, I just corrected it, now the chapter names should fit the content... :)

Ok, I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm really not a fan of this chapter, got the feeling like it's crap. Or maybe it's just because I can't wait to write the Jommy-chapters, but the problem is I really gotta start with studying and I don't know if I'll get to write anything during the next days, so... I wasn't in the mood for reading through the whole thing all over again, so I just skimmed over it, sorry for the mistakes.

However, please tell me what you think anyway, even if you don't like it...

Enjoy reading and don't forget to review

* * *

Chapter 7

Jude was in the studio, singing her latest song: „How Strong Do You Think I Am". She knew something was still missing at the chorus and it frustrated her to not get anywhere.

"Damn it." She cursed under her breath after she had played the same wrong chord variation to the still not perfected lyrics for about hundred times.

"What's on your mind rock star? That didn't sound bad, but I can't help but get the impression you're not exactly paying 100 % attention." Kwest asked through the mic. Jude looked up and bit her lip. She knew he was just trying to be nice and everything and that he didn't try to criticize her or anything, but she hated not being able to finish a song the way she wanted to.

Kwest was right, the song didn't sound bad, but SOMETHING was missing and she knew it. The only problem was that every time she was playing and singing it all over again her thoughts kind of drifted away. A few days ago she had always been drifting of in the beginning of the writing process, off to the night she had spend with Tommy as "Sadie" and the songs that had come out of that weren't very PG-13. But this song was about her family, about all the things they had done and said to her.

Because Jude really was disturbed by the way her family had treated her after she had really moved out. Two days ago she had met her mother and Sadie at the mall, she had tried to smile at them and had said hello, but they hadn't even really looked at her. Instead Sadie had just walked by inches next to her and hadn't even bothered to look at her, while Victoria hadn't been able to not look at her at all, but she hasn't met Jude's eyes either. After a minute it had been like her mother and Sadie hadn't ever passed her by. This incident had deeply hurt Jude, since although everything had been horrible lately, a small part inside of her was still the young little girl that loved her family and wanted nothing but to be loved back to be happy.

"Jude? Earth to Jude! Everything ok in there?"  
"What?" Jude asked, ripped out of her thoughts.

"You were like doing deep thinking. You totally spaced out." Kwest explained with an amused but worried grin on his face. Jude blushed slightly.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, not knowing what else to say. She was now an artist for what, one week? And she was acting like a little child, moping around about some one minute thing.

"Don't be. All I want to know is what's going on in that head of yours. Maybe I can help you express your feelings if you tell me what's going on." Kwest tried, he knew that it had to be something about Jude's family and he assumed that something had happened in the mall, because before Jude had went to the mall two days ago everything had been more or less find. He had known that she wasn't very happy about the whole situation with her family, but she had also been glad to finally have some freedom and being able to make music properly.

Jude threw him a torn look and Kwest sighed. Jude really wanted to tell him, but she felt stupid and childish for feeling the way she did. Besides, Kwest hadn't had a perfect family as well, in fact his was even worse and here she was whining about something that wasn't half as bad, especially since SHE had been the one to cut the bond to her family intentionally.

_What have I been expecting? That they'd try to talk me into coming back forever? That's just stupid. They never cared that much and now that I'm gone, I'm gone and that's it. Guess I still hoped, illusionary as I am that they'd care more about me than I thought._

"What?" Kwest asked and brought Jude once again back from her thoughts to reality.

"What?" She asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

"What did you just say? Something about "care" and something you "still hoped"." Kwest questioned, eager to finally get out of Jude what was bothering her so much.

"Oh, I must have thought aloud, didn't I?" Jude asked rhetorically. She sighed and finally gave in. It didn't make any sense not telling Kwest, he knew enough already and it was better talking to him than to someone who she had to explain everything from the beginning. He had seen her family and maybe he'd understand her.

"It's just that, well since I drove away last week I haven't heard anything from my family. Then two days ago at the mall, I kind of ran into mom and Sadie. I said "hello" and expected them to… Hell I don't even know what I expected. However, Sadie just passed me by without even looking or acknowledging me in any way and my mom… well, she just looked at me shortly, but didn't meet my gaze and then she was gone too." Jude rambled quickly. "I don't know what I had expected, but I guess I expected something. I hoped for something that would show me they still cared about me in some way. That they actually cared in opposite to what I thought." Jude laughed bitter. "Sometimes it sucks to be right."

"Yeah, sometimes it does." Kwest said quietly, not knowing how to comfort her somehow. He had went through similar things with his family, just that there had never been a really good time for him. He could imagine how hard it had to be for Jude, who had grown up in this family and had felt real love for them and now they were treating her like dirt.

"I guess through the last three years everything in my life had turned into a nightmare and till two days ago, I had still hoped somewhere deep inside that… I don't know, that I'd wake up maybe." Jude whispered, feeling a sudden sadness overwhelming her.

Kwest stood up and walked into the sound booth. He put him arm on Jude's shoulder and was about to say something to cheer her up when Darius entered the studio. Quickly Kwest let fall his hand from Jude's shoulder and grabbed the lyrics that laid on Jude's knees instead.

"Jude, Kwest. My office, now." Darius just said and left the studio again right away.

"I'm sorry, but I guess the boss' calling." Kwest murmured and took Jude's hand, pulling her up from the chair she had been sitting on. She looked at him and smiled weakly. She really felt better now after she had talked about this "thing". She wiped off the tears that had formed in her eyes and checked in the glass between the studio and the sound booth her reflection if her mascara and make-up was messed up. Luckily it wasn't, so she followed Kwest outside the studio and on to Darius office.

Kwest knocked shortly at Darius office and strode in without waiting for an answer.

Darius was sitting behind his desk, looking at something on his pc-screen. He tore his eyes from the screen and smiled widely at Jude and Kwest who sat down in front of his desk.

"Just the two people I wanted to speak. First up, how's the new song of yours going?" Darius asked Jude.

"I still gotta work a little bit on the chorus, but it's going good I guess." Jude said, a little bit confused as how she was supposed to answer the question. She threw Kwest a look and found reassurance in his eyes and she looked back at Darius again.

"Great. Glad to hear that. Because I got big news for you Jude. You'll make your first appreance on stage as an I.O. artist in two and a half weeks. And for next week I also scheduled you a photo shoot for "Solid", we'll get your name out to the people." Darius told Jude with a cheering smile on his face. Jude smiled shyly.

"That sounds great Darius; the only problem is I've never done a photo shoot or such thing before. I don't even know what to wear to something like that."

Darius laughed loudly at Jude's words. Every normal new artist would have been nervous about going on stage and everything but all Jude was thinking about was how she was going to look.

"Jude, you'll look great, don't worry about that, you're a beautiful girl. And about the clothing, I was planning on sending you shopping with Portia anyways, since you need something to fill your new apartment with, don't you?" Darius asked and winked.

Jude grinned and nodded agreeing. She wasn't thrilled of the idea of going shopping with some PR woman or something, like she heard Portia was one, but that was better than going to the photo shoot in her usual clothes.

"And there's something else I wanted to tell you. It's actually even bigger news than the first two things. You'll be the new face of "Glambious". I'm friends with one of the editors and they are making a commercial spot and are searching for a model that's a no name. I talked to them and they want you. Do you know what a chance that is for your career? Everybody in the country will know your face even before they hear your music. This is getting you the right kind of attention and will people make listen to your music." Darius explained and sounded pretty excited himself. Probably about the whole lots of money that would be coming in for him.

"A commercial? Me? For a fashion label? You gotta be kidding me." Jude said disbelieving; she had no interest in commercials and acting or fashion for that matter.

"I'm not joking about something like this. Look, I see you're not as thrilled as I thought you'd be, but think of the consequences. The problem of most newcomers is that people don't pay enough attention, that their music only slowly spreads. But if you do this commercial and the cover shoot, you'll get your music out there right away. The commercial would be aired the night of your first concert and everything would fit in perfectly. I know you can do that, Jude."

"If you say so. I guess you're the manager, right?" Jude agreed not very convinced, but she knew somehow that she didn't really have a choice in that matter, especially without any good arguments to back up her unwillingness.

"I knew you'd be a smart girl, that's why I signed you, Jude. You've been here before and from what I saw you won't mess this up this time, will you?" Darius asked somewhat threatening. Jude looked him in the eyes. She knew that he was trying to convey his message, that she'd lose everything all over again and this time for good, if she tried getting out of the contract again.

"I won't." Jude said coldly, she hated being threatened. But she wouldn't get out of this contract anyway, not only because of the amount of money she would have to pay and didn't own, but because of the mere fact that she wouldn't ever go back to her family again.

Besides, this was her dream. No matter what Darius made her do, she was still an artist, she was a singer and she'd do everything to stay one. She had had time enough to regret it the last time she quit, she wouldn't put herself into that place again.

"Good." Darius said, now grinning again, like he hadn't ever been threatening Jude.

"Yeah, great." Jude murmured sarcastically under her breath.

"Ok then wait a minute, I'll just get Portia so you two can go plan the next two weeks while I got some things to discuss with Kwest." Darius said and dialed a number on his phone. He asked his secretary to send Portia in and not longer after that there was a knock at the door.

Portia came into the office without waiting for an invitation too, just like Kwest before. She smiled at Darius and then at Kwest and Jude.

"Portia." Kwest said and nodded a silent "hello". Jude couldn't help but wonder what was wrong between them two, when Portia just threw Kwest a cold acknowledging look.

"So, you gotta be Jude." Portia addressed Jude, smiling warmly. Jude nodded shyly at the black woman and shook hands with her.

"Come on, let's go, we got some things to discuss, darling." Portia said without wasting any time and with that she was pulling Jude with her out of the office.

Two days later…

"So how much money do we have?" Jude asked untypical excited about going shopping while she and Portia entered the mall. It had felt like personal hell for Jude to be trapped in the studio, working on that damn song, knowing that something somehow was missing and she just couldn't figure it out. Kwest had proposed that she'd try to work on another one or just let the song be, since he thought it was good enough. Jude however knew she could make it perfect, it was somewhere inside of her and she wouldn't settle for good if she could have perfect. She just didn't function this way.

"We have enough money." Portia said grinning smugly, knowing very well that Jude didn't understand.

"What do you mean with "enough"?" Jude inquired, frowning confused.

"We have as much money as we'll need since I'm the person who decides how much we get." Portia chuckled like a little child. Jude grinned and was even more excited, from what she had seen of Portia by now, Darius would have a lot less money to worry about in the evening. Exactly what she needed to get her mind of stupid things like her family and a certain somebody.

"Then let the games begin." Jude murmured and went to the first shop on their right hand. They'd work themselves through every damn shop in the mall systematically until they couldn't take it any longer or they would run out of money… which wouldn't really happen.

"Hey, that dress is made for you, darling!" Portia exclaimed and gave a black backless and shoulder free dress to Jude in the changing cabin. Jude tried it on but didn't really feel comfortable in it.

"Ehm Portia?" She cried out of the cabin, not wanting to go outside looking like THIS. "I think this is a little bit too… I don't know slutty?"

When no answer came Jude slowly opened the cabin door, spying out of it, but no one was to be seen. So she stepped out completely, angry with Portia for just leaving her alone like that. Suddenly a guy and a girl came around the corner. Jude recognized the girl immediately since it was Eden Taylor, the girl who had competed for Instant Star with her three years ago. That girl was a bitch and Jude grinned at the thought of her winning over Eden. The guy was facing the girl so Jude wasn't able to see his face.

Eden threw Jude a look and suddenly Jude didn't feel uncomfortable at all, since Eden eyes were filled with jealously obvious for everyone. Jude might not have liked the dress since it was too revealing for her taste, but now she'd buy it anyway, just to upset Eden.

"Come on Tommy, I don't like this shop at all. It's only for losers, how stupid of you to drag me here. You'd better stick producing." Eden said and pulled the clearly stunned and confused guy with her. The guy hadn't even looked once at Jude, and she was pretty happy about it since it was Tommy.

The Tommy she had been thinking about a whole lot more than she wanted to admit and here he was, going shopping with Eden, who seemed to be his artist AND his girlfriend. Because if she wasn't his girlfriend, then why did he go shopping with her?

For some reason Jude couldn't and didn't want to understand it stung her that Tommy was already busy with another girl, that he had just moved on. She hadn't really expected something different, but still… It just bothered her.

"Jude, you look beautiful and absolutely stunning. This dress is just perfect. Turn around, but slowly please!" Portia cried and prevented Jude from wondering any longer about Tom Quincy. Instead she posed nervously for Portia, she still didn't feel very comfortable in that dress.

"Kwest? I think I got it right, finally. Let's play it again, yeah?" Jude shouted happily when she stormed into the studio, knowing very well Kwest was already mixing the not-perfect version. She gave him the puppy eyes, knowing he'd give in and let her record it again, no matter how much of work he had already done with the soon to be old version.

"Back from you're acting career, rock star?" Kwest asked while he adjusted the soundboard and Jude put her headphones on.

"Don't start with that. I hated every damn second. "Jude do this, Jude look like that, Jude, you need to make a smiling face, don't stare at me hatefully!" I really don't know why Darius forced me to do this shit, I feel like a sell-out, not like a rock star." Jude groaned at the memories of the director for the spot and how he had something to bitch about all the time – and mostly it had been something about Jude, something that a "professional model/diva" would have known or made right or done better.

"Didn't you say the same about that photo shoot last week?" Kwest asked chuckling and her desperate tone. He had seen what Darius had made BoyzAttack going through and he knew that Jude was lucky. Tommy had been forced to play a taco, yeah right, a living TACCO in a commercial in the States AND Canada.

"The photo-shoot was a wellness vacation in comparison to the hell I've just gone trough." Jude said dramatically. "And that had been bad enough. God, why did I sign the contract and sell my soul again?"

"Because you wanted to get away from your parents and live your dream. Stupid kid." Kwest replied grinning at Jude's pouting face. He knew that she had loved every minute since she had signed the contract and that she wouldn't have it any other way. He was although glad she was his artist, she made kick-ass music and was one of his closest friends by now. They were visiting each other like every or every second night on regular basis and both enjoyed the company of the other.

"Yeah yeah, tell me something I don't know." Jude mumbled and began to bob her head in the rhythm when the music began to play. She sang the full song without failing one note and she nailed it right away. With her few changes it was killer.

"Man, that's gonna be a hit for sure." Kwest said excited after they listened to it once again together. Jude smiled happily. She had been writing at the song right after she had seen Tommy about one and half week ago in the mall. That one feeling she needed to express, but couldn't when she had only concentrated on what her parents had done to her, she had found the missing words when she had seen Tommy with Eden. She didn't know why it was this way, but she didn't really care, since her song was perfect now and that was all she needed. Who in hell needed explanations?

"About that concert… What songs do you wanna perform? I'd say this one and maybe Skin?" Kwest asked casually.

"Oh, yeah, right." Jude sighed. "The upcoming concert next week."

"Yep, that one." Kwest smiled, knowing that Jude in fact was excited, but that she wasn't too happy about everything since it would be the evening the spot would be aired too.

"The spot will be aired then." Jude said right at her cue. Kwest had to bite back laugher, she was so predictable sometimes.

"I guess that's fine, yeah, Skin and How Strong Do You Think I Am, I'll do these two." Jude agreed, worrying about something completely different than the commercial. At that concert, two other female artists would perform too, both from G-Major; Eden and Karma. Both had Tommy as their producer, so he'd be there sure as hell. And Jude kind of assumed that her hopes about him not recognizing her at all were highly unlikely to come true.

"So then I guess we have the most work for now done. We'll go to the concert hall in a few days, for sound checks and everything and to introduce you to the band, it's named Spiederman Mind Explosion, I think and Darius says they are really good, they are new at I.O. too." Kwest told Jude while she spun around on her wheel chair.

"What about the other two girls performing? Eden Taylor and this Karma? I heard about Eden Taylor, but I got no idea who Karma is." Jude asked innocently, not wanting to tell Kwest about her being an Instant Star, just like these two. Kwest threw her a weird look, but he answered right away so Jude didn't think much of it. He couldn't know after all, could he?

"Well, they are both artists at G-Major, the other big label around here, it's run by Georgia, D's ex." Kwest began but Jude cut him off.

"What? D's ex?" Jude inquired and began laughing uncontrollable, she couldn't picture Georgia as D's girlfriend, it just didn't fit. Well, it was difficult for her to picture anybody as Darius' girlfriend, but whatever…

"Yeah, D's ex. What's so funny about that? Do you know her?" Kwest asked, trying to get Jude to say something that tipped him off about her being the first ever Instant Star, he hated acting like he didn't know, but he wanted her to tell him. She was a friend now, and she had to tell him someday, hadn't she?

"No, no, of course not, why would I?" Jude denied quickly, maybe a little bit too quick. "But it's kinda hard to think of D's as the boyfriend guy, you know? So anyways, tell me some more about my competition."

"Eden's the second Instant Star, a songwriter/singer contest from G-Major that's in TV every year. Karma's the third and the current Instant Star. They aren't bad, well, at least Karma isn't that bad, although I don't think you'll like her kind of music. Their producer is Tom Quincy, a good friend of mine and without him they'd both be total crap. But even with him as their producer, you're still better. Because you're real, you know? You got real emotions in your songs and that's what makes the hits, not the acting or looks or something."

Jude smiled at him and wondered if it would be too suspicious if she asked more about Tommy.

_Why shouldn't I? It's not like it's forbidden or something. This could be quite funny and I'd love to know some more about Tommy, since he seems to haunt me._

"Little Tommy Q's a good producer? Wouldn't have thought that. Tell me about him, if your friends there must be more to him than him singing some cheesy crap on TV, or are you a BoyzAttack fan?" Jude asked chuckling. Kwest smiled weakly.

"Yeah, I saw something like that coming. Actually I was one of the engineers of BoyzAttack and I know Tommy from back then and we're kind of best friends ever since. And yes, he's a good producer, one of the best."

"Sorry, didn't mean to offend you, but I just can't get myself to like these chessy boybands, no offence. Is he such a notorious playboy as you can read every day in the tabloids or is that a lie too?"

"He is, actually. He's my best friend, but even I can't say that I like that habit of him, but he isn't that bad, really."

"Well, all I can say to that is that I'm sorry for the girls." Jude said disdainful. She hated to think of herself as of one of "these girls" and she hated herself for making a fool out of herself. Now she was one of Tommy's bunnies too and she couldn't lower her standard much more, could she? Who was as infamous as Little Tommy Q in that matter? Right, no one.

"Hey, most of these poor girls want the same thing, they don't even really want him, but the person from the media, they want the attention and not Tommy. How do you think is it like to never know if someone's really the person they pretend to be? That they really like you because of you and not because of a stupid band you've been in?" Kwest asked, defending his best friend. Jude wished she could vanish in a black hole or something, because Kwest was right. And the worst thing was that she had been one of these girls for one night.

"You know what? I have this thing… Anyways I gotta go, sorry. See ya tomorrow!" Jude suddenly said and grabbed her things and her jacket and walked out the studio.

"What thing? Jude?!" Kwest called after her but he didn't get an answer. He shook his head completely clueless and began mixing "How Strong Do You Think I Am?"

* * *

Ok, that was it. What do you think? I'd really give something to know what's going on in your minds kind of RIGHT NOW!

xoxo Kathy

no Teasers here, since I haven't written it out, but chap 9 is from Tommy's point of view and let's just say he gets closer to unrevel the myterious Sadie and in Chapter 10, well it's gonna be the chapter you're all waiting for. So far's the plan. If I don't get to write the next chapter this weekend fully, I'll just post some teasers, that is if you want some. You could tell me in your reviews ;)


	8. 8 She's the One

Here it goes, Chapter 8, finally. :)

Please review and tell me what you think please?! Because I won't get to write much this week because of all the exams and stuff that are coming now at school. ONly one more and a half year and then I'm done with school :) yay! However, I'll try to write some more on the weekends but I'll only have time for one chapter for one of my stories or so, so please review!

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Chapter 8

„Karma, you need to do this bridge again. Something's off. Try to get more emotion in it!" Tommy said annoyed through the mic. He had been in studio with Karma the whole day and she wasn't focusing on work at all. Instead she kept on making stupid insinuations and kept implying that she knew a better way to inspire her and spend the studio time that would "please Tommy much more than just starring at her the whole time".

Tommy groaned when Karma threw him a puppy look once again. She really should have learned by know that these looks didn't work on him. Besides, he was regretting it for quite some time now to ever have given in to Karma's seductions attempts. But that girl really was a tease and she knew what she had to do to drive a man crazy.

So one night she had gotten him drunk at some stupid club and had suddenly started out of the blue to throw herself all over him and since he was Tommy Q he had given in and slept with his artist.

Tommy still cursed himself like every day ever since that night, because he had once again mixed business and pleasure and now Karma was acting even worse than before. The weirdest thing was in Tommy's opinion that Karma knew well enough that Eden was his girlfriend, but she simply didn't care. In fact she even played friends with Eden just to gossip about her later. If she really thought he liked that, she was even more stupid than he thought.

"Tommy? Are you even listening? I sang this damn song like a hundred times and you're not even listening? You gotta be kidding me!" Karma's nerving voice came through the loud speakers and filled the studio, the music still playing in the background. Tommy sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry, ok? Just take five minutes and we'll try it again, alright? And please try then to sing a little bit less false and more like you actually have a heart that's broken."

"Fine." Karma snapped and stormed out the studio. Tommy groaned. Great, now Karma would be sulking the whole time.

Not that Tommy really cared about Karma or gave a damn about her feelings. In fact he didn't give a damn about Eden's feelings. The only reason he was with the blonde was because EJ had told him that it was good for his image. EJ was really some PR woman you could hardly say "no" to, since you had to be afraid to not survive it.

What really bothered him was that he couldn't seem to find a model/actress named Sadie in whole Toronto. Well at least no blonde-haired one. He had found an actress named Sadie, but when he had gone to see her she had had black hair and had looked like his grandmother. Ok, the age thing was because she had played an old granny and he had seen her backstage, but the hair had been real and she hadn't been the Sadie he had been looking for.

What really was going on his nerves was that he wasn't able to find this one girl, no matter how many of his friends he asked, none of them had ever heard about a beautiful blonde named Sadie before. It seemed like she was a ghost, and Tommy didn't like chasing those, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't help but keep on asking and looking out for her everywhere he went.

Tommy stood up and left the studio, walking over in his office. His office was a place he wasn't very often, but since Karma wasn't showing up and she should have been back 15 minutes ago, Tommy assumed she was taking lunch break or something and he didn't want to sit around in the studio when he wasn't able to concentrate anyways.

Just when Tommy sat down on the couch his cell ringed, which he had placed a few moments before on his desk. Tommy rolled his eyes at this stupid situation and stood up again and reached for the cell.

"Yeah?"

"Hey T, how is my favorite producer?" Darius voice came through the loud speakers and Tommy wanted to kick his own ass for picking up without checking the caller ID yet again.

"Hey Darius, I'm fine, everything's going great." Tommy replied with a fake cheering voice, then he grew more serious and asked annoyed. "What do you want, D?"

"Someone stood up with the wrong foot this morning? However, I just wanted to tell you that my offer's still up. I know your contract with G-Major's running out in a month or two and I just wanted to remind you that you indeed got some options that are worth considering."

"Oh right. As if I'd ever go back under your terror regime without having to. Do you think I'm nuts?"

"No, actually I don't. But you know, having me as your enemy isn't doing you any good in this business. This is my world, not yours, but I could make it yours. I'll double your pay and I'll give you every authority with your artists you want, I'll even let you chose which ones you want. Just come back to working with me and I promise you won't regret it!"

"You really must think I'm stupid, don't you? We both know that Georgia's going to offer me a partnership and I'd really be crazy to take another job as one of your producers when I could get to be the boss myself." Tommy stated angrily. Between him and Darius, there was way too much history that Tommy would ever go back to Darius. He didn't understand why Darius kept on trying through, he should know Tommy well enough to know that Tommy wouldn't go back.

"What we both really know is, that you're not about the money or something, you're about the music, about the artists. You're one of these rare guys who's really a true musician and you give a damn about the paying. I know that, you know that. And the only reason you can actually live up to this ideal is because you and your little band were managed by me. If you hadn't all that money from BoyzAttack, you'd be forced to look out for the future and everything and you know it."

Tommy laughed at Darius words. "D, are you getting sentimental? Because this isn't making any sense. What you just said is mostly true, but in how far does this benefit your purpose in any way? You're right, you made it possible for me to refuse your damn offer without thinking about it. If I'm not missing out on something, that's not exactly good for you."

"I haven't finished yet, T. I know you're about the artists and although I know you'll deny it to death, Karma and Eden are crap. Ok, they got fans and they aren't that bad compared to some others, but you're not searching for the average, you're always searching for the next best thing, the real thing. And that's what I can give you."

"You mean you actually found someone with talent? Congrats. Who is it?" Tommy asked, wondering if maybe he could get this new artist for G-Major if D hadn't signed him already. There was a good chance he hadn't through, since if he had, this guy would already have a producer of his own and Tommy would have heard about him, wouldn't he?

"Do you think I'm stupid? I won't tell you. And don't even bother Kwest won't either. But he agrees with me, after all he's her new producer and I can tell you, that girl is it. So, take your time and think about it. I'm not fooling you this time, I mean it. This girl got talent and you two together, you could really make great music."

"And fill your wallet. That's all you really care about, D. Don't try to tell me otherwise."

"I don't. You know me too well for that. But you can't deny that I know who's going to make it and who won't. I know what's good stuff when I hear it." Darius finished and Tommy hung up. He had enough of this conversation, especially when he could feel that it was going into a certain direction. And he didn't wanna go there. He didn't want to hear Darius talking about "Frozen", about how he had shattered Tommy's solo-career before it had even began. He hated to admit it, but Darius wasn't overestimating himself, he really had a feeling for music.

Tommy contemplated for a few minutes if he should call Kwest and try to get more information out of him, but he decided against it since he knew it wouldn't work anyways. He had tried before to get Kwest to tell him more, but that guy was really stubborn sometimes. But what Kwest had told up to now about that mysterious girl coincided with what Darius had said, that I.O. had really found someone with some great talent.

_That's so not good for us. Karma and Eden are popular, but rather because of their looks than their music and Eden's success, if you want to call it that way, is already dwindling. And if I.O. has got now someone real good… This isn't good for G-Major, I gotta talk to Georgia about it. Especially since our finances can't be that good already now, what's going to happen if… Damn it. I so not wanna think about this shit. It's just like Darius said, I'm not someone for all this money crap, I care about the music and that's it._

Tommy sighed resigned. He pulled out a little notebook from a drawer of his desk. He didn't took out this book that often. The last time had been about a year ago or so. He wrote his songs and thoughts in this book. All the things he had given up when he hadn't gotten the solo-career he had dreamed of and had started as a producer. He had told everybody he was done with standing behind the mic and was now the behind the glass-type of guy, but truly, he wasn't. Never been and never would.

He flipped through the pages, skimming over the songs he had written so long ago, letting his memories take him back in time. There were also pictures and photos between the pages, reminding him of better and worse times. Little Tommy Q with BoyzAttack on their first concert. The band on their first album relase party. How they had won a Grammy, and a MTV-award. These pictures were taunting Tommy, bringing back up all the haunting memories of the guy he had been back then. How he had finally given up on the band and had walked out of them and his marriage and his whole life back then.

Tommy shut the book close brutally. He didn't want this memories to come back to him right now. Not at day, not without lots of alcohol in his venes, not somewhere where people he knew could see him.

Suddenly a cutting from an old newspaper fell on the floor. It must have been in the book before. Tommy reached for it and unfolded it. He immediately knew what it was and he was watching it more closely, like he had done so often before. He smiled softly when the memories of these days were coming up again and he touched the face of the girl in the picture with his fingers, like he could really touch her.

It was the picture of Tommy and Jude at the lake from three years ago. Tommy had to admit, that the paparazzi were doing their job very well, they had chosen the perfect moment for the photo. It showed Jude looking up at him somewhat amazed while he was sitting behind her, reaching around her and playing the right chords to her song.

These days had been the best of his life, Jude had been stubborn, but in the end she had realized and acknowledged that his changes were for the better and he hadn't felt that happy often before than in the moment she told him that she changed the lyrics. For him.

But back then he had told himself that he wasn't supposed to be that happy. That he wasn't allowed to feel anything for his 15 year old artist. That it was stupid of him and illusion and just plain wrong.

Then she had kissed him, this fiercely vivacious 15 year old, fiercely and redheaded girl had just kissed him right on the lips. And damn god had that felt good. But Tommy had been too shocked to respond, his head had been screaming a thousand different things at him, all the things he had told himself were coming back at him together with this unexplainable need for her, to kiss her back, to hold her, to show her that he felt the chemistry too.

Tommy shook his head and brought himself back to reality again. It was useless to go back in time in this case. Just another thing he had messed up, like the screw up he was. Because of him and his issues Jude had quit and she really had had some true talent. She could have made it through it all, because she had been a real musician, you could hear her emotions in her songs and that was a rare and special gift.

Tommy leaned back on the couch and stretched his arms over his head. Wondering what Jude was doing these days. She had to be around 18 years now, although he of course didn't know her exact birthday, she was probably going to be 19 soon.

He wondered if she had ever regretted her choice of leaving G-Major and turning her back on music. But he doubted it, Jude wasn't the person to regret things, she was probably somewhere out the city, living her life and loving what she was doing. Maybe she had even found another passion she was living for now, maybe it was still the music.

Whatever it was, Tommy wished her to be happy, she deserved it. And she had everything to achieve that goal, she had a great family from what Tommy had seen and she had this thing about her that won people for her.

Someone knocked at Tommy's office door and so he was interrupted in the trance he had been in. He didn't allow himself that often to space out like that, mostly because it was only making reality harder and this time he really regret letting the past getting the best of him once again. Whoever was knocking right now could have easily caught him off guard. Quickly Tommy hid the notebook in the drawer and called for the person outside to come in.

"Hey Jim, what's up?" Tommy asked the blonde guy who was coming in. Jim was a producer at G-Major too and Tommy liked the guy, he was real decent and wasn't giving Tommy crap about his BoyzAttack times all the time.

"I was just about to go to Nikki's party and wondering if you'd come along? You haven't been out the last couple of night, so I thought I'd better ask T, you've got us worried." Jim said grinning, it really wasn't usual for Tommy to stay away from the clubs and parties and his friends for much longer than one or two nights in a row.

"Yeah sure, sounds good." Tommy said quickly, grabbed his trademark leather jacket and left the office together with Jim, once again blocking out his past and trying to live the moment since it was all he got left.

About two hours and some drinks later Tommy was in a good mood again, joking around with some redheaded wannabe-bunny at the bar. She was just like so many others a fan of Little Tommy Q and Tommy didn't respect her at all, but that didn't matter for what he wanted. In fact he didn't even remember what the name of this girl in front of him was. He suspected it was something like Michelle or Mona or something with an "m" in it, but he wasn't sure at all.

"Mary, would you please excuse me and Tommy over here for a few minutes?" A third voice suddenly interrupted the conversation, which hadn't a very high level anyway.

"Nikki, nice to see you. How's the party going?" Tommy greeted Nikki smiling while Mary was distancing herself, searching for another man she could have fun with. Nikki returned the smile and kissed Tommy on the cheek. Tommy was one of the few men in the house that wasn't blown away by Nikki's beauty and attitude, because she didn't just look like an angel, but she also behaved like one, she wasn't one of these stupid models who had the looks but no brains. Which had also been the reason that their relationship hadn't worked out. Nikki had been too clever to waste herself on Tommy, after a few days in which they had had fun they had separated friendly.

"Why do you always act like this? Don't you know that you ruin all my chances on having some action this night?" Tommy chided Nikki playfully.

"Because I want you all to myself, stupid. Can't you see that these girls aren't worth you?" Nikki replied suggestively and Tommy gulped slightly, although he knew she didn't mean it, he couldn't help but react physically to her charms. But he quickly got himself back together and picked up the game again. He had been there often enough with Nikki and he really appreciated her friendship, way too much to try to get into her pants again and possibly mess their current straight platonic relationship up.

"But Nikki, don't you know you're the only one for me? I'd kick out anybody to get you into my bed, don't tell me you don't know that!" Tommy grinned at Nikki and they both had to laugh at the impression they had to make on anybody listening to them talking.

"Let's go into my office upstairs, ok? It's more quiet and less crowded there!" Nikki suggested and pulled Tommy with her without waiting for an answer. She didn't need to, Tommy would follow her anyway.

"That's quite a party you got there going." Tommy complimented Nikki when they were alone in what seemed like a big conference room.

"Yeah, you know, I got a reputation to live up to. Especially since we just finished our new commercial days ago."

Tommy nodded understanding, he had always known that Nikki would make her way through the business, but even he hadn't expected her to become one of the editors of "Glambious", a magazine and a fashion label at the same time. Nikki was mostly designing, but she also wrote some columns and directed such things as photo shoots or commercials.

"Interested in a little inofficial preview of the commercial of the year?" Nikki asked while getting two glasses and a bottle of champagne from a little cupboard.

"Sure, why not. You know me, give me gossip, give me fashion and I'm all in for it!" Tommy joked and walked over to her, taking one of the glasses while Nikki was pouring him some champagne into the glass.

"Oh come on, it's not like that, it's a normal and serious commercial, there's nothing about gossip or stuff like last time." Nikki assured Tommy and they both cheered on her success and took a few sip of the sparkling drink.

"Well then, show me what you got!"

"You know there are so many inappropriate answers to this one, lil' Tommy Q." Nikki commented giggling while she was pressing some buttons on a remote and the flat screen at the wall was switching on.

"Stop!" Tommy shouted after a few seconds, not believing who he was seeing on the screen.

"What?" Nikki asked confused.

"Stop the pictures, press "pause", Nikki!" Tommy ordered her, now sounding excited.

Nikki stopped the commercial and now both were looking at a close up view of Jude, who had been playing the lead in this commercial.

"This is her." Tommy whispered disbelievingly, still not grasping that he had finally found her.

"Who? Do you know that girl?" Nikki asked still not getting what was wrong with Tommy.

"What's her name?"

"I have no idea, sorry." Nikki replied somewhat offended, if was like Tommy wasn't even noticing her at all anymore. She wasn't used to this, especially not now when she had broken up with her boyfriend two days ago and was searching for someone to spend the night with. Her pick had been Tommy, but now he wasn't even paying any attention to her anymore.

"What? Why don't you know her name? She's the freaking face of your damn commercial!"

"This isn't my damn commercial; it's my labels damn commercial. Besides, I told the director to search some no name girl for the lead, so no, I'm totally clueless about who she is, I saw her like once or twice during the shoot and that's it."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I thought you'd know who you were hiring for the lead. But whatever. Do you at least have a list of the cast?" Tommy asked angry at her snappy tone. It wasn't like he had done anything wrong. He had just asked his friend who this girl was and here she was snapping at him just because he had chosen the wrong words for this frigging commercial.

"I think I do in fact. But you know, these things are confidential, I can't just give it to you. What if you're a stalker or something." Nikki teased, tried to get Tommy's undivided attention back so that they could go back to their usual banters.

She indeed got Tommy's attention, but probably not the way she had wished for it. Tommy was pissed that Nikki was trying to sabotage his search for Sadie and didn't understand why she was acting this strange.

"I think you should know by now that I'm sure as hell not a stalker. If you don't, then I don't see why I used to think you were my friend. God, I don't get what's wrong with you tonight!" Tommy hissed venomously.

"Easy question. I wanted to spend the night with you, wanted to have some fun since Brandon and I broke up two days ago. I thought you were my friend, but no, you don't know nothing and all you care about is some stupid no name girl. What's wrong with YOU?"

"Don't call her stupid, because she isn't. She's an amazing girl called Sadie and I wanna find her. You and me, we're through since forever and if you believed that I was just a good screw for a night, you're so damn wrong."

"Oh, am I? You used to be nothing else BUT a good screw for a night Tommy. What's this with your new found dignity? Don't tell me you weren't out for Mary 20 minutes ago. Besides, if you know her, why are you searching for her? Doesn't she want to see you, Saint Tommy?"

"You don't get nothing, do you?" Tommy asked upset and hurt, since he had really trusted Nikki and here she was, yelling at him and criticizing all his faults and mistakes. She should know him better, shouldn't she? Tommy shook his head to get rid of the thoughts about him being a screw up, he usually gave a shit about people calling him that way, but usually he didn't give a damn about these people who were calling him this way either. Nikki was his friend. Or had been. He wasn't sure anymore.

"Just give me this stupid list and I'll leave you along, alright? Then you can search someone to get over Brandon with." Tommy said sounding exhausted, he wasn't in the mood for another argument.

Nikki nodded sharply and gave him the sheet of paper she was asking for, then she started for the door.

"Oh, by the way, sorry Brandon broke up with you." Tommy called after her. He hadn't intended for his words to come out this mean, but he couldn't stop himself.

Nikki stopped dead tracks and asked icily over the shoulder.

"What the hell makes you think he broke up with me?"

"Easy question." Tommy mimicked her comment from earlier. "Even you're not stupid enough to break up with someone like Brandon, because he was the perfect boyfriend and he really seemed to love you. You would be beyond stupid to break it off with someone like him."

Nikki stormed out the room without another word and Tommy was feeling slightly guilty. He had known all along that she had broken up with Brandon. Because she was always the one to break up when people got too close, when things got too serious and Tommy knew that Brandon had been about to propose.

The guilty feeling was fading pretty fast through, it was replaced with excitement when Tommy turned his attention to the list in his hands, skimming it for Sadie.

But there was no Sadie on the whole list to be found. He read through it again and was getting more confused when he still wasn't able to find the name he was looking for. He read through the headline and was getting pretty angry when he read it.

**List of the cast for the "Glambious" commercial shoot – part 2**

Part 2. That meant Nikki had fooled Tommy. She had intentionally given him the second part of the cast list, well knowing that he wouldn't find the name he was looking for on it.

"Fuck!" Tommy cursed under his breath and ripped the paper apart. He knew he had deserved this for what he had said to Nikki, but he was still upset about her deceiving him, even before he had said what he had said.

Tommy grabbed his leather jacket, which he had taken of when they had entered the room and left the room, the house and the party. He climbed into his viper and sped away, trying to see on the bright side. At least he knew now that Sadie wasn't some kind of imagination of his and he had now better chances to find her since someone had to know her after she was doing this commercial and stuff.

A small smile crept on Tommy's face when he thought about that he was finally finding her. Kwest had warned him about not getting up his hopes too high since even if he found her, she could still be a disappointment, but Tommy was sure that this girl wouldn't disappoint him. At least he hoped so.

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Ok, that's it for now, actually this is the first chapter I wrote completely about Tommy, I did some passages and stuff before but this is a first, so tell me how/if you liked it, prettty pretty please!

TEASERS for Chapter 9:

..."You know that your contract's running out soon enough and I'm sure you already got other job offers. I'm pretty sure too that you haven't decided yet to leave G-Major since you're probably hoping that I'll offer you to be my partner." Georgia stated evenly...

...Even Darius called me and told me he'd do me a favor if he'd have me producing her since she's the real thing. And strangely enough I believe him."...

..."No, you look great, darling! Slutty? What Karma and Eden will wear, that's slutty, but not this. This is sexy. And what the hell is wrong with sexy?"...

..."So what are you going to do as soon as you got too many groupies to screw everyone?"...

..."You know, don't you?" Jude asked quietly, avoiding any eye contact... "How long?"...

_...Well, at least this mystery will be unraveled soon enough..._

_...It's her. I can't believe it. Sadie is Jude, Jude is Sadie..._

..."You didn't lie about the talent thing."... "You two together, you'd make it anywhere."...

..."No wonder she's got Little Tommy Q as her producer, just like Eden, she has nothing but the looks. Something the three have in common, they are good-looking and are making crap music."...

..."Gee thanks." Tommy said loudly enough for the conversation to stop....

..."Tommy." She stated soundlessly...

Ok, that's it with the tearers, but I'm sure you already know that this is the chapter you've all been waiting for :)


	9. 9 What Do You Want?

Hey guys, I knew I was planning on updating this weekend, but I wrote this stupid test today and I had studied really hard for it and I just had this black out after half of the test and now I'm frustrated like hell. I mean why was I even studying if I was messing it up anyways? Well whatever, I didn't feel like homework or school or something like that so I wrote. I wrote the next chapter and decided I'd post this now. Maybe you'll review and make me happy again? That would be worth a try ;) Maybe I'll even update again on the weekend, but I'll see about that.

However, enjoy reading, I just hope I've done it right since this is like THE chapter. I had fun writing it through. Please review!

Oh, i nearly forgot. THANKS FOR ALL THE AMAZING REVIEWS I ALREADY GOT. I'M AFRAID I DIDN'T RESPOND EVERY REVIEW AND I'M SORRY ABOUT IT; I JUST WAS PRETTY BUSY. I PROMISE TO ANSWER FROM NOW ON; OR AT LEAST, I'LL TRY ;)

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Chapter 9

It's the day of the concert, the day of the airing of the infamous commercial. It's the day that Jude had feared and Tommy had wanted to come (although Tommy didn't know it was this day, or course). The following chapter will be about Jude and Tommy, flashes from his point of view, a few from hers.

**Jude:**

"Jude, feeling ready for the big night?" Portia asked Jude while they were eating their lunch at G-Major.

"I guess. It's gonna be a whole lot of people, won't it?" Jude asked, not telling that she was most afraid of one special person that was going to be there.

"Yeah, that it will. But don't worry, you'll do just great and everybody will love you." Portia assured Jude smiling cheerful. "Expecially when they see the hell of a dress you'll be wearing, believe me, you'll have every damn male drooling over you. And Eden and Karma will be so jealous they'll probably mess up their songs." Jude and Portia laughed at the thought of Eden and Karma being jealous.

Jude had met both of the singers at the sounds-check and she had immediately hated Karma. Eden was the same person she had been at the contest, maybe even more of a diva than before, if that was anyhow possible. But Karma was a backstabbing bitch, so much Jude was sure of. She still couldn't help but feel the rage coming back up when she thought about that girl.

Karma had been very nice to Jude in the beginning, had questioned her about her family and her hobbies. Jude had been equally nice, not thinking of anything bad and had answered her questions mostly honestly. She had even told Karma that she and her family wasn't on talking basis anymore and probably wouldn't be ever again.

Later through, Jude had overheard Karma talking to a reporter and Jude had wanted to strangle her when she heard what lies she was telling. Karma told how much she feared for "her friend Eden who she suspected to be a heavy drinker, since Eden allegedly didn't miss a party and knew every bar in Toronto. And Karma felt also "so sorry" for Jude, one of her new "friends", who had so misbehaved in the past that her own family had abandoned her.

Jude had been about to kill Karma, but she had been hold back by Kwest who had been with her and had heard everything too. He had talked some sense into her and explained that people would believe the lies if Jude attacked Karma and that Karma was only trying to get attention and that she would succeed if Jude started a catfight.

"I don't need them to be jealous, I'll kick their ass with my performance, because if I'm good with something then it's performing and from what I've seen of Karma and Eden they totally suck."

"Nothing tastes better than sweet revenge, right?" Portia asked knowingly, Jude had told her about what had happened. She and Jude had gotten to be good friends and they were having lunch together most of the days.

"Amen sister!" Jude agreed and grinned evil. "Ok, I'm finished, let's go and see that amazing dress you've been telling me about the whole damn week!" Jude said smiling and they both put their rubbish to the trash and left the restaurant, heading for I.O. and Portia's personal kingdom, also known as the dressing rooms of I.O. Records.

**Tommy:**

"No, it's alright Joe, it's not that important really." Tommy assured his friend. "I just had hoped you'd be able to give me the cast list or something."

"I'm sorry Tom, but I really can't do that, I'd lose my job if Nikki or someone knows, especially since she just told me today to not give it away to anyone. I really don't know what's wrong with her today anyways."

"Sorry, I think that's my fault." Tommy chuckled in the phone, thinking about how he had been ignoring all of Nikki's calls and how he had just slammed the door right into her face when she had dropped by. She had actually had the nerves to tell him that she'd forgive him if he'd apologize to her right now. He had just laughed and slammed the door shut, totally ignoring her rant she was throwing on the other side of the door. Like he'd ever apologize to her because he had told her the truth.

But Tommy knew that he wouldn't stay mad on her for too long and that Kwest would probably take care of the whole thing, so that things would be back to normal soon enough. Just that Tommy wouldn't forget this night, he wouldn't forget how Nikki had just seen him as the notorious playboy, because that had shown him once again, that she wasn't really seeing Tom Quincy but Little Tommy Q, the guy she had dated once. And he hated that guy.

Sometimes he wondered how many people really saw him for who he was nowadays and not for who he had been once. Sadly he could probably count them with the fingers of one hand.

"Tommy? Still there?" Joe asked through the loud speaker and Tommy felt kind of caught, since had been thinking about that stuff again, that stuff he never talked about with anybody, except with Kwest sometimes. But even then they only touched the top of the iceberg.

"Yeah, I'm still listening, I just kind of got lost in thoughts." Tommy explained shortly.

"Well, I was just saying, that if you tell me who you're looking for exactly, I might be able to check the list for you."

"That would be really great Joe. I'm searching for a girl named Sadie, I think she must have one of the main roles." Tommy told Joe quickly, hoping that he would finally find her.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. I gotta go now, but I'll give you a call later, as soon as I know more, ok?"

"That's great, thanks so much. I owe you. I gotta go too, got a meeting with the boss."

"You know, you should be running the whole thing over there, you know!" Joe said jokingly, but Tommy knew he really meant it.

"Yeah, whatever. Talk to you later?"

"'Course. Bye." And with that Joe hung up.

Tommy put away the cell and starred at the soundboard, his mind occupied with other things.

"Tommy?" Georgia asked while she entered the studio. Tommy's head shot up, turning around as far as human possible to see who was entering the studio.

"Oh Georgia." He stated while he was quickly recovering from his little shock. He wondered briefly what Georgia was doing in the studio, since she usually didn't come here that often, especially when no artist was in it. Then he checked his watch and suddenly he knew why Georgia was visiting him. "Shit, I'm sorry G. I kind of got lost in thoughts and forgot about the time and the meeting."

"No problem Tom. We can just as well talk in here too." Georgia assured smiling.

"Well then, what did you want to talk about?"

"You know that your contract's running out soon enough and I'm sure you already got other job offers. I'm pretty sure too that you haven't decided yet to leave G-Major since you're probably hoping that I'll offer you to be my partner." Georgia stated evenly, Tommy didn't bother to say something since they both knew it was true. "I'm in fact here to offer you to become my partner. But there's also another thing we need to discuss, especially if you're going to be my partner soon."

Tommy nodded and motioned for her to go on while he was grinning inside, since he finally had the chance to get to run a record label, like he had wanted to for so long now.

"I don't know what you heard, but I'm sure you already know much more than I do. However, I heard from Darius himself that he got a new female artist. That's not that surprising since it was only a matter of time until he would throw some competition for Karma and Eden in the mix, but from what I heard this girl is better than the usual average." Georgia looked at Tommy, obviously waiting for him to say something.

"Yeah, I heard pretty much the same. Kwest's her new producer, but he won't tell me who she is. But I'm afraid he's not lying about the part about her having real talent. Even Darius called me and told me he'd do me a favor if he'd have me producing her since she's the real thing. And strangely enough I believe him."

"He called you to offer you a job at I.O. I guess. Well, can't say that I'm surprised, but I assume you're not thrilled to go back under Darius order, are you?"

"Hell no."

"Thought so. But the problem is, that we got bad finances already, I have trouble paying the next utility bill and Karma's supposed to do some music video sometime soon. If this new girl is as good as they say, we'll have some serious problems." Georgia explained sadly.

"G, don't you even think about selling G-Major, alright? You can't give this up, you build this label and think of what Darius will do to it!" Tommy said angrily, knowing very well that if G-Major really got into trouble they would probably have to sell and most likely Darius would pay the most.

"Do you think I want to sell this to Darius? Do you really think that I want to give up what I have build up half my life? But do you know what I want even less? I don't want all the artist and other people working here lose their jobs. So if I get into financial trouble and I see no other way, I'll sell. But only if I have to." Georgia said offended and now angry too.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to sell. I just hate to think that Darius' winning again. If you ever need money or something, come to me first, before you sign the agreement to sale." Tommy told Georgia with a honest face. Georgia smiled at him and nodded thankful. She appreciated Tommy's help. G-Major meant everything to her and Tommy knew that.

**Jude:**

"I don't know Portia, don't you think it's a little bit too… slutty?" Jude asked uncertain when she turned in front of the mirror in the black short dress Portia had selected for her. It had to be like the 20th dress she was already trying and every time either Jude or Portia had something that bothered them about the dress.

"No, you look great, darling! Slutty? What Karma and Eden will wear, that's slutty, but not this. This is sexy. And what the hell is wrong with sexy?"

"Portia, this isn't me. I'm not trying to sell sex on two legs but to make people like me and my music. They won't like me when I'm dressing like some wannabe, and this isn't me." Jude explained for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Alright, alright. Try on the next, would you?" Portia said and Jude went back into the changing cabin.

"You do realize that we gotta find the right dress real quick? We gotta be backstage in about two hours and you still gotta go to Laura for your make-up and to Paul for your hair!" Portia called while she was going through the dresses they hadn't looked at yet.

Jude sighed loudly and left the cabin, ready to see another outfit that would make her look like a pretty decent booty call. But when she was posing in front of the mirror this time she wasn't inwardly gaping at what Portia wanted her to wear. She was wearing a blue strapless dress with black velvet seams which looked fantastic. It wasn't too revealing, but although pretty sexy.

"Portia? I think that's it. That's the my dress." Jude said excited and Portia looked up.

"Wow." She stated while she motioned for Jude to turn around. "I think we found it. Thank god."

"That's so totally my dress." Jude repeated and grinned happily. Portia just had to smile at her childish joy about the beautiful dress.

"All right, then we're finished here I guess. We have chosen your stage outfit, that half-sheer blouse with a black tank top under it and the tight jeans and for the party afterwards you'll be wearing this." Portia summed up more for herself than for Jude. "Don't you just love to be a girl and have me as your PR?"

"I do, I do totally love you and this dress. Maybe the dress a little bit more. Don't be mad, ok?" Jude laughed.

"I'm not. It's a really nice dress after all." Portia said and winked at Jude. "So now get out of this precious thing before you ruin it or something and we have to start all over again. You need to get to Paul asap!"

"Yeah, yeah. Aye aye ma'am." Jude joked and went back into the changing cabin, anxious to wear the dress later tonight again.

Jude was standing backstage with the three boys that formed her back-up band Spiederman's Mind Explosion. They were fooling around and Jude was really enjoying it. She was glad she liked the boys and they seemed to like her as well. She had even known Spied before the sound check where she had first met the band. Spied had been in her English and music class at school. In fact he was still going there while Jude hadn't been there ever since she had signed the contract.

"So what are you guys going to do as soon as you got too many groupies to screw everyone?" Jude asked chuckling after the guys had talked about how great it would be when they became famous and they would have as many groupies as they had fingers.

"We'll make a schedule, dude. What else are we supposed to do?" Kyle retorted and the three boys cracked up with laughing and Jude had to laugh too. It was so easy with them to forget the whole going on stage thing when Jude was with them. Well she wasn't really afraid of the stage or something, but she was afraid of having to compete with Karma and Eden. Not because they were good singers, but because they were Tommy's artists and Tommy would see and recognize her as soon as she'd enter the stage.

"Jude!" Jude heard her name and turned around to the person who was calling her. When she saw Kwest she smiled at him and walked over to him, leaving the guys behind so they could fool around a bit longer.

"So rock star, ready for your big night?" Kwest asked grinning.

"Never been more ready in my whole life."

"That's good cause you're going to rock the stage."

"Yeah, well, kind of better if I do, isn't it?" Jude asked rhetorically.

"Don't worry, you'll do just fine. You're way better than Karma or Eden and you'll show everybody out there tonight. You made it here after all, didn't you?" Kwest tried to assure her, he nearly told her that she was the first ever Instant Star and these girls were just the cheap replacement of hers, but he stopped himself just in time.

Jude watched Kwest closely and saw how he had paused during one sentence. She suddenly had this strange feeling, wondering what he had been about to say. When Kwest shot a nervous look at the other corner of the room where Karma and Eden were standing Jude had a bad thought.

"You know, don't you?" Jude asked quietly, avoiding any eye contact.

"What are you…" Kwest stopped himself once again. He knew what she was talking about just too well and she seemed to know that too. So where was the point in lying? "Yeah. I know."

"How long?"

"Since the day we visited your family, I checked up on you after I overheard your sister talking about you messing it up again. So I found out but I decided to wait till you'd tell it me yourself." Kwest admitted.

"I'm sorry Kwest, it's just… That's not part of my life anymore, I'm not that girl who won that contest and I'm trying hard to forget this girl. I'm grown up and I'm so done thinking about my teenage years and problems and dreams. I'm here, I made it here without Instant Star and that's how it's supposed to be." Jude began to rant and refrained from giving a speech. She really didn't want to talk about this topic and Kwest should have gotten it by now.

"Jude!" Portia interrupted the conversation. "You're up in five minutes."

"Thanks Portia. Do I look good?"

"You look fantastic. Now, let's go, don't you wanna know what my brother has to say?" Portia asked and the three went to the entrance of the stage where they had a good view of Darius standing in the spot light and talking to the audience.

"And I'm happy to see you all here tonight to listen to Toronto's best female artist. I.O. Golden Records is proud to organize this concert every year and now, after we heard some local newcomer who are still searching for a lucky label, give it up to I.O. Golden Records' new artist. My personal favorite of the whole night. Everybody, Jude Harrison!" Darius finished his little speech and applause ran through the hall. Jude grinned and entered the stage, thanking Darius while he passed her by.

"Hello everybody. This is me and Spiederman's Mind Explosion with Skin!" Jude introduced herself and then Spied was starting with the guitar. The audience was getting more quiet and all seemed to listen to Jude's song. She was in her element and was performing, forgetting everything around her, the people, Tommy, who had to be somewhere backstage and even Darius and the competition. She was back again in one of these clubs, performing for the people, pouring her heart out.

**Tommy:**

Tommy was walking through a hallway of the concert building, trying to avoid anyone he knew, especially Karma and Eden. He didn't know who he was more afraid of, of Eden and her shit about him being a bad and lousy boyfriend and about him not paying enough attention to her, etc. Or of Karma who was continually hitting on him, even when Eden was around which caused Tommy to get into the strangest and most uncomfortable situations.

Tommy knew he should break it off with Eden as soon as possible and tell Karma to back the hell off, and he was working on it, but he didn't know how to it since both girls were his artists and he already knew they wouldn't take it well nor would work with him as well as before.

When Tommy's cell began to ring he looked around nervous, hoping that no one paid attention and recognized him. But no one of the busy people walking and yelling around seemed to care and so Tommy just went right behind the stage in a little room where the people controlled the lights and everything usually were. The room was luckily empty so Tommy pulled out his cell and answered the call.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Tom, it's me Joe."

"Hey, did you find something out?" Tommy asked excited while on the other side of the thin wall Darius was holding some kind of speech. Tommy turned his back on the wall and tried to shut out Darius' voice who was just telling the same crap about being happy to organize the whole thing.

"Yeah, or better no. There's no Sadie on the whole list. There is a girl named Sadina, an asian girl or something who was statist number 5 or something like that. But I guess she's not who you're searching for, is she?"

"No, she isn't." Tommy stated disappointedly. He didn't understand how this was possible. The girl on the screen had been Sadie, he was sure about that, but why wasn't her name on the list then.

"However, thanks Joe. I got something to take care of. Bye."

"Yeah, bye. Sorry man." Joe said and hung up.

Tommy threw his cell on the floor, angry with himself for getting his hopes up high, he had really been convinced he'd find her now.

Suddenly Tommy heard what Darius was saying, he was talking about his new artist.

_Well, at least this mystery will be unraveled soon enough._

Tommy walked over to the edge and peeked through the curtain. Then he heard the name of the girl and he could swear his heart skipped a beat. It couldn't be her, could it?

For a moment Tommy thought he had misheard when a blonde came onto the stage and not the red headed girl he knew as Jude Harrison. But when he took a closer look while she was addressing the audience he recognized Sadie, his Sadie. When the music began to play and he heard her sad voice he knew without a doubt who was standing in front of him.

_It's her. I can't believe it. Sadie is Jude, Jude is Sadie. She lied to me. She's Darius' artist. What the hell is going on here? This gotta be a dream, a very bad dream. I never thought I'd see her again, but here she is, singing as amazing as always. How could I not recognized her? She's special, a girl you only meet once in a lifetime. God and her voice, it's angelic. _

"Hello Tommy. So, what do you say?" Darius asked from the side and Tommy clinched, not having noticed him approaching.

"You didn't lie about the talent thing."

"No I didn't. Look, I don't know what exactly happened back then, but I know that she's back again and this time she won't just run away again. Whatever happened to her these last three years, it was nothing good and she's in this now completely. I heard what you made out of "24 hours" and I want you to be her producer again. You two together, you'd made it anywhere."

With that Darius left Tommy standing alone, listening to the sad song Jude was performing. Tommy felt a shiver down his spine when he listened more carefully to the lyrics. He knew Jude well enough to know that this lyrics were her feelings poured out into a song. And whatever had caused these feelings, it had been hell for her. Tommy wondered when she had written it and what had caused her to be so miserable.

_Well, I guess I can just ask her later. I still can't believe it. Jude's the face of the commercial. Jude's back singing. Jude's one of Darius' artists. Jude's Sadie. Wait, I slept with Jude. I slept with my Jude. __I SLEPT with Jude. Oh my god, now I know what I had been out for three years ago. And I can say it was worth it. But not like this, I should have known who she was, I should have appreciated her. She shouldn't have sneaked out in the morning. It should have been more than just a good screw. Damn it, I was her first._

_Why did she do it?_

**Jude:**

Jude finished "How Strong Do You Think I Am" and bowed a few times for the fans. She still felt the rush of adrenaline that was normal while performing running through her veins when she went backstage. "How Strong Do You Think I Am" had been the perfect second song choice for the performance since it literally rocked after "Skin" had been a more quiet, soft and emotional song. The audience had loved both though.

"You totally rocked dude!" Spied shouted and they hugged shortly.

"You weren't so bad yourself, you're a killer guitarist!" Jude replied grinning broadly.

It felt so good to be on stage again, in front of all these people, Jude had really missed the concert feeling although she had only had it two times before in her whole life. But these two times had been captivating and intoxicating. It was like some kind of addiction and Jude felt herself getting addicted again real fast, compared to this the clubs had been nothing. Nothing.

"You did real good out there! You rocked the hall!" Darius voice boomed proudly and he praised even SME for their performance as well.

"Yeah, you were a real rock star, Jude!" Kwest agreed with Darius and Jude thanked both and watched them walk away before she turned her attention back to SME.

"You know, this Karma girl out there? She's hot, but singing, so not her strongest feature." Spied commented.

"I can't believe this girl won Instant Star, she'd worse than Eden." Jude agreed shaking her head at the thought of Karma being one of her followers.

"Yeah, kind of hard to believe, isn't it? Maybe they voted after the looks, because if they did I understand their choice. Totally." Kyle nodded.

"No wonder she's got Little Tommy Q as her producer, just like Eden, she has nothing but the looks. Something the three have in common, they are good-looking and are making crap music." Spied laughed about his own comment.

"That's not true, Tommy- I mean Quincy does know how to make great music. But you know what's really sad? How bad must Karma and Eden be without Tommy as their producer? Because he's really not that bad." Jude tried to defend Tommy somehow, although she didn't know why she felt the urge to do so.

"Gee thanks." Tommy said loudly enough for the conversation to stop.

"Jude, could I, ehm, talk to you for a second?" The familiar voice reached Jude's ears. She turned around slowly, shocked to actually see her fears come true.

"Tommy." She stated soundlessly. "Of course, I guess." She stuttered.

**Tommy:**

He had waited for Darius and Kwest to leave until only Jude and her band were around while Karma was currently singing on stage. Tommy ignored her crap music and approached the group of four people slowly, carefully so he was always on Jude's back so that she couldn't see him coming. When he came closer he heard what they were talking about. They were obviously making fun of Karma and her music.

Jude said that she didn't understand how Karma had won the contest. Tommy nearly laughed out loud, that was an easy question; the competition hadn't been much better and so G-Major had chosen the most popular singer, although Tommy had contradicted Georgia had explained him that she needed the right kind of publicity.

Tommy rolled his eyes when one of the boys made a comment about Karma's look, sure that girl was hot, but when you knew her like Tommy did, you knew that being hot didn't make up for everything.

Tommy took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally for speaking out Jude's name loud, calling her and looking into her eyes, this time knowing who she was.

Then the guitarist made this stupid comment about Tommy being a bad producer and Tommy closed his mouth again. What was this stupid kid thinking? He wanted to punch the guy, but what he was more curious about what Jude would do. Would she laugh about him with the others?

No, she didn't laugh. She even defended him. Although she wasn't exactly praising him either.

_So I'm "not that bad". Is that supposed to make me feel better? I changed her song for the better and she just says I'm not that bad?__ Gee thanks._

Tommy noticed only when none of the four in front of him kept on talking that he had said his last thought out loud. Well, when he had already interrupted the conversation he could just as well do what he had been coming for.

When Jude turned around slowly Tommy knew that she had recognized his voice and he was angry with himself once again for not having recognized her that night. He saw that she didn't feel comfortable around him and that she was nervous enough. Probably she had feared this moment. Feared facing him. And she should have, after all she had lied to him, slept with him and had sneaked out in the morning without another words afterwards. If there hadn't been the blood on the covers and her smell on the pillow Tommy would have maybe thought he had just imagined her.

Tommy glared at the guys from the band and soon enough he and Jude were standing alone. Tommy didn't say a thing, but he watched Jude very closely. He could tell she wasn't feeling comfortable under his stare and he could literally see her mind working and searching for an escape.

Jude was just opening her mouth, probably searching for a excuse when he grabbed her and puller her with him into a little empty room. She wouldn't run away or sneak out this time. They'd talk, if she wanted or not, she'd have to face him now.

**Jude:**

She was pulled into the little dark room which was most likely used for storage but was now empty.

_Great just great. In here no one will here me screaming. Ok Jude, don't overreact, he won't hurt you or something. Well at least not physically; emotionally, that is a whole other question._

She watched Tommy's face closely as soon as her eyes adjusted themselves to the dim light in the room. She saw his expressions change and was surprised, usually he never gave away what he felt. Soon enough his poker face set in again and Jude was staring at a blank face. If she hadn't seen the emotions crossing it before she would have been scared.

The silence was really getting to her, she didn't know what to say or what to do. She wanted to know what he was thinking, but she couldn't bring herself to ask him about it. She was too scared of what he might say.

She had wondered all along what he would think of her now, would he think of her as a cheap bunny or a girl that was just needy. If he would like her music and her new style.

Yes, she had actually thought about what he thought of her style. If he liked her blonde and with shorter hair or if he had preferred the red hair of hers. If he would prefer the old Jude instead of the new. Well the last thing would take some time for him to judge, after all he didn't know the new herself that well.

_As if he knew my old self. Although, back then I hadn't had so many facades, I was pretty much naïve and stupid and a rebellious girl with a guitar. Besides, who fucking cares about which of my hair colors and haircuts he liked better? It's not like he ever had some interest in me. Any yet, here I am wondering about this stuff. Pathetic much? Yeah, that's right, that's lil' old me. Damn it, why does this guy always make me lose my cool? It's not like I can expect anything from him or like I would have to give a damn about what he thinks. Still… I do. I freaking do._

Jude stopped her cynical thoughts when she realized that she in fact gave a shit about him. She knew she couldn't ever tell anybody without getting herself laughed at, but she did. Well, at least she knew now where she stood, before she had always been confused. Now all she had to do was to fight these strange feelings and everything would be just fine. After all she would only see Tommy once or twice in the year and she wouldn't even have to talk to him. She just had to get the here and now over with and everything would fall into place again somehow. Shouldn't be that hard, right?

"So…" Jude started and trailed off, she hated this silence, especially when he was starring at her like that. How was she supposed to stay calm and reasonable when he was looking at her like that? It felt like he was looking right through her and at the same time she felt like he was undressing her with his eyes. She didn't know what felt worse.

But Tommy was still not saying a thing and slowly but surely Jude felt her anger rise. Who was he after all to pull her with him in this little sticky room and then he had nothing to say? She understood when he wanted to talk about what happened or when he wanted to chide her or something, but this? This wasn't fair. She didn't know what was going on and she hated it.

Jude was nearly grinning when she felt how she became angry. Angry was good. Angry meant that she wasn't acting stupid and uncomfortable and that she wouldn't say anything dumb like that she actually cared about Tommy. Angry was great.

**Tommy:**

He was standing there, inches away from her and he couldn't make a sound. He had thousands of words playing in his head, but he couldn't speak one out loud. He didn't know what to say for real. He wanted to yell at her for betraying and lying to him, he wanted to congratulate her to her performance. He wanted to ask if she had meant it when she had said that he wasn't that bad or if she had only said it because she had guilt feelings. And he wanted to know if she felt guilty in the first place.

So instead on saying something he was just starring at her, as if that would bring him all the answers to all the questions he had. She was starring back, at first, then she looked down and let her eyes wander, looked at anything but him. Tommy needed to fight a grin that was threatening to spread on his face. So his presence was getting to her, she wasn't some cold bitch who had just used him like so many other girls before.

Not that he blamed these girls or held a grudge against them, he had used them equally as much, but still, it was good to know she wasn't one of them. That maybe she actually liked him.

_Stop fooling yourself, if she liked you she would have told you who she was. She liked you once and you blew it, what makes you think you'll get another chance? It's not like I deserve one anyways._

Then she opened her mouth to say something and his eyes were immediately glued to this red lips that looked so inviting. He was dying to know what she wanted to say, but she was closing her mouth again and was now biting her lip. Did she know how much this made Tommy want to kiss her? How much harder she made if for him to control himself?

_She probably doesn't through, just like back then she has no clue what she'__s fucking doing to me._

Then she opened her mouth again and this time she actually said something. "So…" She trailed off and Tommy wondered if she maybe felt just like he did, that there was so much she wanted to say that she couldn't form a word.

After a few more awkward moments Jude suddenly looked up and met his gaze. He knew right away that she was getting pissed off. He didn't know why through. What had he done wrong?

**Jude:**

"So, what do you want? Or did you pulled me in here just to stare like at me an idiot?" Jude snapped finally, having enough of the stupid silence that was going on her nerves.

When she saw a confused and kind of hurt look crossing Tommy's face her so hardly built up anger was wavering, she hadn't intended on hurting him, she just had wanted to get it over with.

_Oh damn it, I should give a damn about his stupid feelings, it's not like I pulled him into this better closet._

"Tommy, are you deaf or did you lose the ability to speak in the past 10 minutes?" Jude asked venomously. Now she was indeed intending to hurt Tommy or at least upset Tommy, because she couldn't stand being in one room with him. Being so close and yet so far. She wanted to kiss him way too badly to risk being alone with him any longer than necessary. She couldn't risk giving in, if she kissed him she'd look like the biggest fool afterwards. She needed to make him believe that this night had meant nothing, that he meant nothing to her.

It wasn't true of course, but sometimes you had to fake it until you make it, that was like one of Jude's mantras. When Tommy still wasn't making any attempts to speak or answer Jude's questions she rolled her eyes. What the hell was wrong with this guy?

"What. Do. You. Want?" She asked slowly, as if she was talking to someone who wasn't very clever or had problems to understand the English language.

It suddenly looked like Tommy had snapped out of his trance, although Jude wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad one.

"I want to talk. Since someone is very good at avoiding and sneaking around I thought it would be best if we'd talk here where you can't escape that easily." Tommy said coldly.

"Well, except for the creepy second meaning this sentence could have; from what I know talking includes actual words and speaking them out loud too, something that seems to be extremely hard for someone in here."

"Sorry, you kind of caught me off guard with your bitchiness, didn't figure you had changed that much since you ran away that night."

"I was fucking drunk that night, so what the hell do you know about the real me?" Jude hissed. "Besides, why are you making such a big deal out of it? You're doing these one night stands with every walking female in the whole damn city."

"Who said," Tommy began and nearly grinned evilly. "Who said I was talking about that night? I actually talked about the night of the concert. You remember? You kissed me, performed and ran away afterwards?"

"You're so full of yourself, aren't you? You don't know nothing about me. Nothing about why I quit or what happened since." Jude stated bitterly, glaring at Tommy. It was true, she had quit because of him, but she'd rather go to hell than admitting it in front of him.

Before Tommy could retort anything, suddenly the door was pushed open and someone entered the room, interrupting the conversation.

* * *

That was it. What do you think? Did you like it? Please, please tell me! I really tried to make this a good one!

xoxo Kathy

TEASERS for Chapter 10:

"Wait!"...We're not finished yet, Jude."...

"Woah, Jude. You can let go of my arm now, no need to leave bruises behind, I won't forget you that quickly anyways."...

"Ok, so it was something. But nothing really...

It was all about Jude, he knew it and it scared the shit out of him...

a crazy wild girl he had fallen in love with once. It seemed like a lifetime ago...

He had hated himself for what he had chosen, but he had gone through with it… and lost Angie...

But Jude wasn't like him...

"We're a dream team!"... "Right dream on, Spied!"... Don't worry baby, I truly do love you!"...

"Moron!"...

"No, he's not. He's grown up, at least I think he is."... She didn't hate Tommy or something...

"You know, Georgia is a saint. I'm not. I'm the hell not. What you said was bullshit. I.O. gives a damn about the artists, we do. And we give a shit about you....

"This is war."...


	10. 10 This is war

Ok guys here's the next chapter. Gee, I really had problems uploading this, there was an error all the time! So I just copied and pasted this in another already uploaded document ;)

Look, I'm glad about how many people read the last chapter and about the story alerts and the reviews I got, but I'd really appreciate it if you review this chapter too. I mean, it doesn't take that long to write a review and I know there are people who aren't reviewing like ever, but please, please do it for me *puppy look*... :)

However, here goes nothing... hope it's not that bad

Enjoy reading and review...

* * *

Chapter 10

Tommy:

Theres he was, looking at him, glaring, hatred and disdain in her eyes, so evidently it hurt. But why was she angry with him in the first place?

HE hadn't lied to her, HE hadn't slept with her under false pretences, HE had come in this room to talk calmly until she had started snapping. HE hadn't forced her to quit G-Major all those years ago. HE had nothing to do with anything that had happened afterwards.

Yet here he was, standing in front of the girl that was still a mystery to him, glaring at her with equally anger and retorting to every little one of her comments. He dealt out mean comments as many as he received.

While he was talking and saying mean things, he screamed at himself silently, asking why he was doing and saying this stuff. He didn't mean it, he didn't mean the things to come out that mean or harsh, but he couldn't help it. It was like Jude was pushing his buttons with every little thing she did. No matter what it was, he reacted without thinking, even against better knowledge and no matter what he really wanted. It was enough to go crazy about it.

Before Tommy could retort anything on her last words about how he didn't know nothing about her, someone opened the door from the outside. Tommy looked at the door, not believing that someone was actually interrupting them. Why did he always have this bad luck?

Now he finally had Jude where he wanted, somewhere she couldn't just run away that easily, now someone had to come in and ruin everything.

Jude:

Darius and Kwest entered the dark room. They had been kind of skeptical at first when the SME guys had told them, Tommy and Jude were in there.

"Jude, here you are! I've been searching everywhere for you!" Darius booming voice filled the room.

"I'm sorry Darius. Why were you searching for me?" Jude asked, determined to not talk about or with Tommy at all. Her plan was to get out of this little room and as far away as possible from Tommy as soon as possible. She had enough of the little talk they had.

"You gotta give another performance Jude, the crowd keeps calling for you and so I and Georgia agreed on letting you do one more song." Darius explained delighted.

Jude grinned broadly, since that was like the biggest compliment she could get. Even the rival label had agreed on giving her one more song. That was awesome.

Jude had been happy as soon as the door had been opened since it was her chance to escape Tommy, but now she was even more delighted, this was like her birthday and Christmas together on one day. Although, since her birthdays had sucked like since forever, it wasn't that much of a statement.

"That's so cool! What song should I perform?" Jude asked excited, completely ignoring and forgetting Tommy. Not that she really had forgotten him, it was more of an act, but that was something Tommy couldn't know, now could he?

"That's your choice, you're the artist and you deserve it! Discuss that with Kwest. Right now Eden's on the stage, she's about halfway through her song, so you still got about 5 minutes to come up with a good song. I trust your choice!" Darius said generously.

"Sounds fine to me. Kwest, come on, let's go, no time to waste!" Jude exclaimed still grinning and grabbed Kwest's arm, she was about to drag him out of the room with her.

"Wait!" Tommy interjected and caused everyone to look at him and stop in their motions.  
"What?" Jude hissed angry and scared.

"We're not finished yet, Jude."

"Oh we're not? Sorry, it seemed so to me. You made your point clear, I told you mine. I think we're perfectly clear. There's nothing left to talk about. And even if there was," Jude added quickly when Tommy was about to interrupt her. "I got more important things to take care of. You know, the performance and the song choice. You're producer after all, shouldn't you know what I'm talking about?"

With that Jude left the room and dragged Kwest with her, leaving Darius and Tommy behind. She was feeling enormously relieved when Tommy didn't follow them. Now he knew who she was and he obviously didn't like her lies and everything.

_So what? He's not my producer or anything to me at all. He's just the producer of my competition, who the hell cares about this stupid ex-boybander? Well, I sure as hell don't._

"Woah, Jude. You can let go of my arm now, no need to leave bruises behind, I won't forget you that quickly anyways." Kwest said with a mocking hurt voice. Jude let go of him arm right away and felt slightly embarrassed when she saw the red skin.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"No problem. But you sure got a tough grip girl. Good to know I won't have to worry about you." Kwest joked grinning while he rubbed the skin where Jude had grabbed him. "So rock star, what the hell was going on in there?"

"Nothing." Jude said way too quickly. "Ok, so it was something. But nothing really." Jude glared at Kwest's grinning face. She knew her words didn't made sense, but she hated to see it in his face.

"We just talked a bit. That's all. Nothing wrong with that, is it?" Jude asked daring, telling Kwest with her tone to better not ask more.

"No, no of course not. Stupid me for even asking." Kwest assured her quickly, still looking amused. "So, what song do you wanna do?" Kwest cut Jude off before she could snap or anything.

"I don't know. I might have this one song. It's called "Even Angels Fall", I wrote it for a friend some time ago and there's "Criminal"."

"Ok, could you maybe sing and play the chorus of both songs, so that I get a feeling what these songs are like?" Kwest asked now all professional again.

"Sure. Wait." Jude said and walked over to Spied, grabbed his guitar and threw him a kind of gloating grin, and then she walked back to Kwest without saying a word.

"Ok, if you ask me both songs are great. But I'd prefer "Even Angels Fall", it's different than your other songs and the crowd will love it. Maybe it's a little bit too soft or something, but if Spied plays the guitar right and with the right beat beneath it will be a hell of a performance!" Kwest planned nearly as excited as Jude herself. Then he went off to talk to the guys about the music.

Jude watched him go away, and she couldn't help but smiling. Here she was, three minutes away from her next performance and she'd do one of her favorite songs. She had written it for Ryan, when he had been heartbroken because his girlfriend had cheated on him. At that point Jude hadn't even known him all that well, but they had had a connection. She had tried to get to know him better, but he had had a wall around himself higher than even Jude's own had been.

So she had played this song one night, trying to not only help him since he had seemed so lost all the time but although to show him she wouldn't just walk away because he was snapping and yelling at her. She wanted to be his friend and she wanted to be there for him. It had been her first performance after her quitting G-Major. It was a night she'd remember forever and it seemed to really fit that she'd perform this song tonight too.

Jude entered the stage, walking to her mic in the middle and smiled into the audience, who had began to cheer more than before fro Eden just when Jude had come into view.

"Hey guys! Thanks so much for the applause! I hope you like my next song, it's one of my personal favorits, and I wrote it for a very special friend to make him feel better after a cheating girlfriend. But before I start I just wanted to say thanks to my label and to my manager Darius who offered me this unbelievable chance, I'm very thankful to be with I.O. Records! And I'd like to thank my producer Kwest, because when you cheer for me you cheer for him, he's like the best producer ever!" Jude said into the mic, not able to fight the sudden urge when she saw Tommy standing next to the stage. She didn't need his crap and she didn't give a damn about him and G-Major anymore. He was better off when he got that and left her alone.

The audience however didn't understand the hidden declaration and cheered even louder in anticipation.

"Here it goes, "Even Angels Fall"!"

The music kicked in and some of the spotlights were now on SME too, especially on Spied.

_**You found hope, you found faith  
Found how fast she could take it away  
Found true love, lost your heart  
Now you don't know who you are**_

Jude remembered how she had watched Ryan crack because he had been so madly in love with this girl and even before he had walked in on her getting busy with some stupid guy, he had half hated himself for always giving in, even when she had kissed some other guy or had stood him up all over again and stuff. But when he had caught her in the act he hadn't been able to ignore it anymore or to forgive, not when he had wanted to look in the mirror every morning. But his love for this girl hadn't just died one moment on the next.

Tommy:

He was standing at the entrance to the stage, watching Jude going to her mic. He thought about what Darius had said, about what he would gain if he'd take the job offer and worked at I.O. He couldn't help but wonder about himself and his own thoughts. A few weeks ago he wouldn't even have wasted a thought about this option and now he was even considering it. It was all about Jude, he knew it and it scared the shit out of him.

But he really wanted to be with her in the studio again, to make real music with Jude, because, man, she really had talent. She was the real thing, just like he had told her in what seemed so long ago.

_No, she's even better. But I can't work for Darius again, not with everything that happened. Not with Angie. And Portia's at I.O. too, well that would get to be real fun. But how could I work with Darius who made me abandon Angie? It was his fault I lost her. His. Because if I hadn't told her I wouldn't and couldn't leave Portia because of my career, she wouldn't have… No, don't think about this all over again, it's over and done with. Angie's your past. And Darius is not your future, period._

Then Jude glanced over at him and he knew immediately she had spotted him. She took the mic and Tommy somehow saw in her stand, that she wasn't happy to see him there at all. He couldn't blame her through, he hadn't made an attempt to tell her how he really felt about her and she must felt cornered or something. She probably thought he was angry with her or something and now she was just reacting on his reaction. But he wasn't, hell he sure as hell wasn't. He wasn't thrilled about her lies either, but he wouldn't trade the night he had with "Sadie" for anything in the whole world.

Jude began talking to the audience and by the time the music set in Tommy had his fists and his jaw clinched violently. So she thought Kwest was the best producer ever? Well it didn't take a genius to figure out at who she had aimed at with this comment. Tommy looked over to Georgia and Darius who had been talking when Jude had entered the stage. Georgia was looking angry and disappointed or even hurt, while Darius was grinning like it was his birthday or something.

_Sure, this son of a bitch is fucking happy about everything that gets him closer to get G-Major. He just wants to make G-Major one of his stupid labels who just care about the money and give a damn about their artists. Yeah right, as if that is ever going to happen. Georgia's way too proud and clever to ever sell G-Major. It's her whole life and mine now as well._

Then Jude began to sing and Tommy looked back at the girl that he couldn't get off his mind. Her voice was so soft now, less rock and it only showed what a hell of a voice Jude had. She could pull of any song of any genre.

_**She made it easy made it free  
Made you hurt till you couldn't see  
Sometimes it stops sometimes it flows  
Baby that is how love goes**_

Tommy listened to the lyrics, letting himself drift away with the song. She said she had written it for a special friend. Tommy wondered who that was, if he was her boyfriend now. But although he knew Jude hadn't written the song for him he felt like she was talking directly to him.

The lyrics reminded him of Angie. This crazy wild girl he had fallen in love with once. It seemed like a lifetime ago, although it had only been eight years. He had loved this girl so much and then he had had to made a decision. He had hated himself for what he had chosen, but he had gone through with it… and lost Angie.

**You will fly you will crawl  
God knows even angels fall  
No such thing as you lost it all  
God knows even angels fall**

Angie had been his girlfriend for about a year, just that they had been off and on again all the time. Sometimes he had gotten too jealous when Angie had been about to make out with some stupid drunken guy at one of the parties or when she had danced way too close for Tommy's taste. And man, had this girl fought back every single time Tommy was yelling at her for being unfaithful and stuff. They had fought, broke up and fallen in love all over again. It had been like a roller coaster with it's ups and downs. Then Tommy had married Portia on tour and Angie had been furious. She had told him to either break up with Portia or to forget her for good. He had chosen his career since Darius would have ended it faster than he would have been able to even say why he wanted a divorce. Angie had been pissed and beyond hurt.

She hadn't talked to him for weeks, then she had asked him to stop by at her apartment. He had done it and since he still had the key he had let himself in. Inside he hadn't even had to walk into the bedroom to see the girl he loved doing Chaz, his band mate. He had nearly lost his mind back then, he had known just too well that Angie had planned this to get back at him.

_**And it's a secret that no one tells  
One day it's heaven one day it's hell  
It's no fairy tale take it from me  
That's the way its supposed to be**_

But until this final day, Tommy had been in love with his crazy angel and although there had been up and downs it had been true love, it had felt right.

**_You will fly you will crawl  
God knows even angels fall  
No such thing as you lost it all  
God knows even angels fall_**

**_You laugh you cry no one knows why  
But ohh the thrill of it all  
Your one the ride  
You might as well open your eyes_**

It had taken some time for Tommy to get over what had happened, but ever since he had never fallen in love again. He hadn't even cared for a girl at all, except for Jude maybe.

_**You will fly you will crawl  
God knows even angels fall  
No such thing as you lost it all  
God knows even angels fall**_

_**Even angels fall  
Even angels fall**_

When the song ended Tommy came back to reality and he saw how happy Jude looked. He had always known that she was a true musician, performing was in her blood and he knew now that he had been stupid to ever think she'd give up music just because of him.

Jude wasn't like him. After the whole Angie disaster he had quit BoyzAttack, his so called career and had started producing. He never had been in front of the mic ever since. No one knew up to this day why he had really quit, except for Kwest who knew at least most of the truth. Tommy had never given an explanation, but Darius and the others just assumed that he didn't like it in the band anymore, what he really didn't by the way, but they had called him a screw up, someone who wasn't able to go through with anything and who was deserting, failing the band and the guys who had been like brothers for him.

But Jude wasn't like him, she would always go back to singing and performing, no matter how broken her heart was, she was one of these musicians who lived for their music and who got their strength out of it. And hell, had this girl strength, at least in Tommy's eyes, even the sluts Tommy knew wouldn't have acted that way towards him after they had pulled what Jude had pulled. Most would have been ashamed or something, since they had lied and everything, but she, no, she was even aggressive against him and she wasn't taking his crap.

Jude:

"You, and you" Darius addressed first Jude than SME. "You had this whole damn hall at your feet. I'm proud of you guys and all that on your first concert."

SME and Jude grinned, being happy and still full with adrenaline from their performance.

"Yeah, we got one hell of a singer over here!" Spied said and threw his arms around Jude's and Kyle's shoulder. "We're a dream team!"

"Right dream on, Spied!" Jude said laughing and pulled away from Spied. "I'm not your girlfriend, already forgot Anna? You know the girl you couldn't take your hand from back at school?"

"Me and Anna? Dude, you're so living in the past! We've been through since forever?" Spied cried out and rolled his eyes at Jude.

"Since forever? If I recall correctly you been still together three weeks ago!"

"Yeah, that's true. But we broke up four days ago. Like I said, it's been like forever."

"Oh, how stupid of me. Do you have a new one already?" Jude asked jokingly and now she was rolling her eyes at Spied and his playboy attitude.

"Sure. She's standing right in front of me and is picking on me because of my ex. Don't worry baby, I truly do love you!"

"Moron!" Jude laughed and punched Spied playfully.

"Yeah, you guys get along great, as far as I see." Darius interrupted before Jude could retort anything. "Jude, about what you said before, I think you might have pissed of some of the G-Major guys…"

"So what? They are the competition, we're competing. I didn't even say something bad about them, I just told my fans how happy I am at I.O. Am I supposed to lie?" Jude asked kind of sassy.

"No no, I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to be sure you know what you're doing." Darius said with a big grin on his face. He really liked Jude's attitude, this girl had a back bone.

"That's cool, I so totally know what I'm doing. I'm not a child any longer." Jude said and she sounded kind of grim. It was like some old memories were coming up and not very happy ones. Darius truly believed her.

"I know Jude. In this business no one cares how old you are, since that's never how old you really are, you know. Look at Tommy, he's still the reckless teenager he's been once." Darius said and laughed at his own joke. Or Jude just assumed it was a joke.

"No, he's not. He's grown up, at least I think he is." She contradicted quietly. She didn't hate Tommy or something.

"Whatever." Darius said surprised. "You did great tonight. Take the next two days off, enjoy yourself and your new apartment." With that Darius walked away after he had thrown Jude one last smile.

Jude turned to see where the guys and Kwest were, but instead she spotted Tommy, EJ and Georgia, talking not that far away from where she stood. They even came over to her. At least Georgia and EJ did, Tommy just walked away with a kind of uncertain look on his face. Jude figured he probably didn't know how to act around her anymore. That was fine with her, that meant he wouldn't exactly search her company.

"So, Jude. I see you're doing fine." Georgia stated somewhat sadly.

"Yeah" Jude shrugged feeling uncomfortable. "It's the same old story, you know."

"What you said before, I'm sad you feel that way about G-Major." Georgia said and Jude cringed, knowing her unsaid message had been well received. "I still don't know why you quit back then, but I hope it's going to be better this time." With that Georgia turned, glared at Darius who was obviously watching her across the room grinning, and walked away.

"You know, Georgia is a saint. I'm not. I'm the hell not. What you said was bullshit. I.O. gives a damn about the artists, we do. And we give a shit about you. This-" EJ motioned between her and Jude. "This is war."

Jude looked kind of shocked at EJ's bluntness. But she had always had the feeling that the Asian woman didn't like her. Well now she was pretty sure.

"And why do I care what you say?" Jude asked hackled up. "Right, I don't."

EJ threw her one last disdainful look and then she walked away, following Georgia. Jude felt slightly guilty since Georgia and EJ hadn't ever done anything to her and she had acted kind of harsh, but then again, life wasn't fair and she wasn't owing them anything. So why the hell should she care about what they thought of her? She wasn't taking anyone's crap and she was always saying flat out what she thought. Nothing was wrong with that in Jude's opinion. If someone was messing with her, she messed back. Something you learned when you grew up with a big sister like Sadie and lived through the three years of hell she had endured.

Jude turned on her heals and walked out of the backstage area, searching for SME. She wanted to party and she wouldn't let anyone ruin the night of her first concert. She could deal with everything later.

* * *

I hope you didn't hate it, I tried to write a little bit about Spied and Jude and about that "war-part", it might be more or less important for later... **Tell me what you think!**

The used song is "Even Angels FAll" by Jessica Riddle and of course I don't own it or something, I heard it first time in the movie "10 things I hate about you", I really love that one by the way...

however, the teasers for the next chapter will be up some time soon I hope, but I can already promise you some drama. Let's say three things: national TV/ surprise guests/ drunken Jude and a sober Tommy

xoxo Kathy


	11. 11 I'll be what you want me to be

Hey guys, I hope you like this chapter, because I really had fun writing it, especially since I know what's coming in the next chapter. Can't wait already. I although updated my story IS FF **Mistaken** today, so if you read it too, you can check it out after you read this ;) However, I'd highly appreaciate some reviews, as usual.

This time there are no teasers, but I thought that you'd appreciate it more if I just update already instead of just giving out teasers when I already have the chapter finished...

Enjoy reading and review...

* * *

Chapter 11

"And here we are again, with me in the studio: Jude Harrison! The newcomer who rocked the stage at her first concert and her first single's breaking all records. Hello again Jude!" The interviewer said on his cue after a commercial and then addressed his smile at Jude instead of the camera.

"Hey Miles, I'm glad to be here again." Jude said with what she called her camera smile. It was a fake smile that looked real, she had learned and trained for her first shootings and now it was her first live appearance on national TV. Her first single had been released a few weeks ago and the sales had been unbelievable, Darius was about to kiss the ground she was walking on. And with Darius being… well, Darius, that really meant something.

"Jude, tell me, how does it feel to get famous just like that? I mean, one day you're a normal teenager who's about to graduate and next you're outta school and got a contract with one of the best labels in whole Canada."

"Well, actually it's a pretty great feeling. The last weeks have been stressful but I'm really happy with what I'm doing now. I've always had this dream to be a singer and who doesn't love living his dream? When my manager, Darius Mills, was approaching me that night in a club where I had been performing I didn't believe him in the beginning, but when I walked into I.O. it felt just right." Jude told the interviewer smiling happily and this time it wasn't fake at all. She really had felt like everything had just fallen into place for the first time since forever when she had first walked through I.O.

"That sounds great. But what really interests me, if you don't mind me asking, you have had this dream once already. What happened back then? You won the Instant Star contest and after your first little performance in the Vinyl Place you quit?" Miles asked and leaned a bit forward towards Jude, probably to show how interested he was. Jude needed to bite back a sigh, she had expected something like that, but she had dreaded it.

_Here we go again…_

"That's a good question Miles. Actually I don't even know it anymore myself. It's been three years now and so much has changed. I guess I just wasn't ready back then, it didn't feel right after the first rush was over. Maybe I just needed some time to figure my life out. However, now I'm ready to rock." Jude repeated what Portia and Darius had told her to say. It was vague and didn't come near the truth at all – perfect answer so to say.

"So you're saying you forgot everything that happened back then? Come on Jude, you don't just forget when you win a contest like that! I sure as hell wouldn't. It's just me and the whole nation watching you, you can tell us your secret!"

Jude forced a smile at Miles words but she could feel her mouth slowly turning into a thin line. She quickly caught herself before that could happen through. She wasn't going to give in or something on her first interview. But what was she supposed to do? This guy didn't seem like he was just going to back off and telling him the truth was so not an option.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but there's no secret or such thing. I know you guys are always out for the big secrets, but there isn't one." Jude said and shrugged what seemed kind of helpless. "I just panicked or something and dropped out. No more no less, just a teenage mistake of mine, which I can add up with the rest. I'm sure everybody in my age knows what I'm talking about."

"So there's nothing to the old rumors about you and Little Tommy Q?" A whisper went through the audience when the cover of the old tabloids were on the big screen with a big photo of Jude and Tommy at the lake. "What made you change your mind after three years? A reunion with Tommy?"

"When I quit back then I quit for personal reasons that had nothing to do with Tom Quincy. I never thought I'd go back into the business again either, I actually was planning on walking away from music for good since it didn't seem right for me. But then over the years I learned I couldn't live without music and so I was happy to take my chances and sign up at I.O. Records. I don't regret my choice or any of my past choices because they made me who I am now. But right now I'm all second chances. And for the whole Tom Quincy thing; he's still at G-Major and producing Karma and Eden, so you can't speak of a reunion. To be true, I was pretty annoyed back then when there were the rumors about me and Tom Quincy being a item and stuff, and now it's not getting any better. I mean, come on guys. He's good looking and I'm sure he's a nice and decent guy, but seriously, I'm not going to date a guy that's what, eight years older than me?" Jude asked rhetorically the audience and the laughter made her smile. It had been a good idea to be open about it, just like she had told Darius from the beginning. No one would believe it since it was just ridiculous as long as she didn't shut everyone out and made a big deal out of it.

"So no love birds there, I get it. But maybe you could tell us some more about Little Tommy Q? You know, since you're the only girl in here who knows him, let's give his female fans something to hold onto!"

"I'm afraid I can't help you out there, Miles, sorry, and sorry girls. I don't know the guy all that well and I'm not such a fan of gossiping, it's too often that you find things getting twisted and since I know how this feels I'm not gossiping, especially not in national TV, no matter if this guy means something to me or not, he was friendly back then."

Miles made a disappointed sound and the people in the studio echoed it. Jude was about roll her eyes but instead she just threw the camera an apologizing look and a helpless shoulder shrug. She'd rather go to hell than gossiping about Tommy. Although most people would think differently, she still didn't hate him or something, she just didn't want to come anywhere near him anymore. She had been mean enough to get what she wanted when they had "talked" last time so there was no need to proceed pissing him off.

"It's sad that you got so little confidence in your fans and our watchers, but-" Miles began, but Jude just interrupted him sweetly. "Miles, I wasn't talking about you, but there are so many people out there who got nothing better to do than search for something they can twist around. If it was only you and my fans I wouldn't be afraid of anything." Jude assured and motioned then for him to go on.

Miles threw her now a very fake smile and picked up where he had been interrupted.

"But I think we all forgive you." Miles waited a few moments for the audience to murmur their agreeing and then he went on. "Anyways, you all who have watched the commercials in the last days will know that we were promising you not only a live performance of Jude Harrison over here, but although two surprise guests. Please welcome with me Eden and Karma, both singers from G-Major!"

Jude's mouth was agape when Karma and Eden walked on stage, gladly the camera wasn't directed at her at that moment so that she could get her act together again soon enough.

"Hello ladys. How are you feeling today?" Miles asked as soon as Karma and Eden had taken place next to Jude on the couch.

"We're great." Both asked like on their cue and laughed at their own act in unison.

"Well Jude, are you surprised? What a feeling is it to sit next to the second and third Instant Stars, you're follow ups, or, as some mean voices say, your replacements? Isn't there any regret, since if you hadn't quit, you'd have an album by now too, just like these two amazing women!"

Jude was feeling like she had woken up in a bad nightmare. This couldn't be true, who was this stupid guy for inviting the competition? What was he thinking?

_Oh I know what he was thinking. He thought that I'm new here and that I'd make some stupid mistake if he provokes me enough. All this guy cares about is drama, the more the better. But not with me mister, I'm so not going to give you your story. I'm Jude freaking Harrison and no one and nothing is going to bring me down. I'm going to show these bitches and this idiot how a real rock stars handling stuff like this!_

"I must admit, you really caught me off guard here, you're a bad boy!" Jude said jokingly, but her eyes were cold although she was still smiling. "Sadly enough I gotta be honest and tell you that I got a tight schedule today, if only someone had told me Karma and Eden would be here…" Jude trailed off, sounding like she actually regretted not knowing and being able to adjust her schedule. Truth to be told she wouldn't have come in the first place if she had known before what the hell was going to happen. "This way I have to perform my song now and then I gotta leave. I'm really sorry. Karma, Eden, I wish I could have stayed and chatted with you. But maybe you'll just give me a call? You know, girls power and everything. I'll have my schedule looked over next time, promise!" Jude looked at the two now clearly upset girls with big eyes and she had to really fight to not grin spiteful. This time Karma and Eden would have to smile politely and everything while Jude would be leaving them behind, clearly telling everyone out there that she had more important things to do than chatting with second-class musicians. And the top of it, Karma and Eden had no chance to get back at her or anything since they were on national TV.

"Well then, here it goes. Jude Harrison and her new hitsingle "How Strong Do You Think I Am"!" Miles introduced Jude's song and the music began to kick in while Jude was walking over to the mic, the cameras following her.

Jude began singing, letting her voice fill the studio. She had fun performing like always and she even forgot about Karma and Eden and this bastard of an interviewer. It was just her, the mic and the audience- and the music of course.

After the song Jude said good-bye to the audience and to Miles and the two girls and then left the stage, walking into the backstage area with a huge grin all over face. Her whole attitude kind of screamed "Victory!". When she heard Miles going on about how sad it really was that Jude had to leave so soon Jude needed to fight back laughter. This was so good. The audience even sighed in unison before Miles went on with the show.

_Oh I totally would die to hear what this stupid wannabe interviewer is thinking right now. I bet he's beyond pissed. Ha, he deserves it. He shouldn't have tried to provoke __me; this is just letting him look even dumber. Asshole._

"So Eden, you lost against Jude back then at the first contest but you won the second contest with a cover of Jude's "24 Hours". What do you think about Jude's coming back?" Miles asked and his voice reached even to the area where Jude was trying to reach Jamie's cell.

Jude snorted at this question. As if Eden could ever tell them something about Jude.

"I'm really glad Jude's back in the business now, her songs were inspiring and it's nice to have more female singer of my age. I just hope that she can live with the fact that I got more fans." Eden said and giggled way too girly for Jude's taste.

_Ugh, this girl is so 100 fake, it hurts to even listen to her. As if she'd ever get more fans than me, especially since she's making this crap she calls music. The only things her "fans" care about is how revealing her dress is. "Fans", my ass._

"So, Karma what do you think is the big difference between you and Eden over here and Jude? What makes the biggest different for you? The music?" Miles asked Karma now. Jude rolled her eyes.

_Yeah, right. The music, what else please? The difference is I can sing, I got class and I can sell my CD's without boot shaking. _

"Well, of course we all are musically into other directions, although Eden and I are currently thinking about doing a duet since our styles aren't that different and we really like each other's music. But I think there actually is a big difference between us three. You know, most stars are into alcohol and sex and drugs and everything, you read about it all the time. Neither of us is a drinker or does drugs. I'm, for example, a virgin. Eden here got a boyfriend you all know about, Tommy Quincy, and they are happy and next week it'll be three months." Karma said and paused for a moment for the audience to cheer. "Jude's completely different there through, she's a slut. I don't say this judging, so don't take this wrong, she's a lovely girl and I wish her the best, but I silently pray for her to see that having a new guy every night just isn't right." Karma said in an innocent, worried tone.

Jude saw read. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Couldn't believe that Karma of all, who was wearing a piece of clothe that was barely covering her stupid ass, was implying, no even saying it flat out, that she, Jude, was a slut.

_This stupid bitch, I'm so gonna make her pay for this. Enough is enough. It's of no one's business what I'm doing at night and it's sure as hell not for her to tell anything, especially something that's so far from the truth damn it. On national TV. Oh my god, my freaking parents are watching this fucking show. I'm gonna kill her._

Jude was about to storm back onto the stage and strangle Karma. Miles had wanted a catfight and now he'd get it.

But before Jude could come very far two muscular arms were put around her and hold her back, pressed her against a clearly male body.

Jude fought against the tight grip, tried to get free and get her revenge, but the arms weren't loosening their grip. Miles was moving on with the show and soon enough Jude gave in, stopped fighting against the force of the stranger.

"Would you please let go of me? Now." She ordered calmly. Too calmly.

"Do you promise not to run out there and attack Karma?"

"Tommy?! What the hell do you think you're doing? Get your hands off me, asshole!" Jude hissed when she recognized Tommy's teasing voice.

"I thought so." Tommy said not impressed at all and dragged Jude away with him, away from the entrance to the stage and away from Karma, Eden and Miles.

"Who do you think you fucking are?" Jude asked with barely suppressed rage as soon as Tommy had let go of her.

"I'm the guy who just saved you from doing something you'd regret."

"No, you're the guy who's definitely in the top ten of my hitlist." Jude retorted venomously. She rubbed her arms where Tommy had grabbed her. It hurt. "You're the guy who freaking grabbed he tight enough to leave bruises, idiot! Damn it Tommy, I thought I've made it clear that I want you to stay the hell away from me. What do I have to do to make you dumbass see that I'm none of your business? If I want to kill Karma then you fucking let me. And when I say get your hands off me, than you better do that next time, are we clear?" Jude was yelling by now, releasing all her frustration and anger the only possible way. Directing it at Tommy.

"What was it that you wanted? To attack Karma and be on every damn tabloid tomorrow? What do you think that would do for your reputation? Dignity, you gotta get some fast if you wanna survive this business."

"I'm sorry when I'm not out of ice like you, Tommy Q. But I got feelings and I do get angry, and yeah, I actually do have a heart, you know? I'm not frozen." Jude said icily, regretting her words immediately after they had left her mouths. She damned herself for being so stupid.

She had searched for more information about Tommy during the last weeks and had learned that he had been more than once been called to be out of ice, especially after his first solo single, "Frozen" had been canceled by Darius. Kwest had let slip once that this was one of Tommy's soft spots, that she should make sure to never mention this event ever.

Tommy's eyes went from worried and soft to angry and ice cold. Now he truly looked like the cold guy some tabloids pictured him. Jude was actually scared of him for a moment, but she couldn't be afraid of Little Tommy Q, now could she? Apparently: yes.

"Now you listen to me. I don't know why you hate me or whatever your deal is, but I frankly don't care. You don't want me in your life? Fine, I'll stay out of it. But this in there are my artists and I won't let you hurt my girlfriend or my artist just because you're jealous or angry with something she said."

"Something she said? Karma totally lied about me, I'm not a slut!" Jude shouted, forgetting her fear. How could Tommy dare to ever imply Karma was innocent in this case? Besides, it kind of bothered her when he was referring to Eden as his girlfriend, but she brushed that though off quickly enough, it wasn't any of her business. And she wouldn't have it any other way, right?

"You're not? From what I recall I have any right to call you one." Tommy said icily, causing Jude to gape. "But you know what? I don't fucking care what you are, since you want me so badly to not care. You say I'm an asshole, so ok, I'll be what you want me to be. And as said asshole I tell you this: You're a celebrity now, people will tell lies about you and you'll have to suck it up. Get used to it. Are we clear?" Tommy asked and sounded actually pretty dangerous. Jude was completely shocked, she would have never thought she'd hear Tommy talk to her like this.

He had called her a slut. He had told her he didn't care. Although it was exactly what Jude had wanted, it hurt her badly. It was as if her heart broke but she didn't know why. It wasn't like she was in love or something. But still, she had believed he was a good guy, had even kind of trusted him in a very strange way. She hadn't meant one of the mean things she had said. And here he was, crushing every stupid trust feeling and hope Jude had had about him.

"Are. We. Clear?" Tommy inquired to know, sounding impatient, angry and cold.

"Crystal." Jude murmured, slowly finding her attitude again. She wouldn't let anyone talk to her like that. It wasn't her. She hated girls who let guys talk to them like that and now she was one of them?! Not a chance.

Tommy was turning around, ready to go when Jude spoke again.

"You know, you can really call me stupid. From what you said and how you acted I kind of thought that maybe, maybe you weren't a bad guy, that you were nice. Hell I even began to like you, although I fought it as hell. Thanks Tommy, thanks for proving me right, that I was stupid to trust you or think about you at all. I made the mistake to trust you, no, I made the mistake that I wanted to trust you. You made me want to be wrong." Jude said quietly, sounding sad. She was so tired of it all already. This morning everything had been bright and now it was like totally dark. She hated the drama that was called her life. "But I get it now. No matter who it is, trust is a bad thing. Yet, I do it all over again, I trust people. And that's why my life's hell. I promise you one thing. I'll get used to it."

Tommy looked surprised but Jude could see the pity in his look and regret, probably because he had been hard on her. But she couldn't have him apologize. This was her lesson, her lesson to finally stop being a stupid child and to grow up.

"One more thing. I'm not a slut. You of all should know that." She stated quietly. Then she turned and walked away to the park lot, not looking back once. She heard Tommy yell after her, but she just began to run until she had reached her car. When she looked back she saw Tommy rushing after her. She climbed into her car and sped away, seeing his figure fading in the rear-view mirror.

Jude was driving on one of Toronto's main street but she was barely paying attention to the traffic. She had been driving like that for hours already and it had went well, so why should something go wrong now? She knew the logic wasn't really great, but she could care less.

She was supposed to drive straight to the studio right after the interview and how she knew Darius he was probably going crazy by now because his artist just walked out of a TV-show on national TV and everybody thought said artist was a slut.

Although Jude knew she should care about her contract and stuff, she couldn't bring herself to drive to I.O. She really didn't want to talk about PR and damage control and whatsoever. She couldn't go home of course either since Kwest was sure as hell awaiting her there, ready to take her to Darius as soon as she showed up.

_Why did he do this? Why did he call me a slut? Shouldn't he know I'm not like that? And why the hell does this even bother me so much? Karma called me a slut on national TV and my ex-producer said she might be right from what he knew. What's bothering me most of these two things? Right, the comment of the ex-producer. God, what's wrong with me? I'm not in a relationship with this guy, no that's Eden's place. I'm not even his artist anymore and I have been his artist only for like one week. So I slept with him once, big deal,__ it was the night I left home, my parents abandoned me, or I them, whatever, I got a good excuse. I shouldn't give a damn about him. But still, every time he smiles this charming perfect smile and I look into these blue eyes of him, I just wanna kiss him. And I hate feeling like that. So I snap. And when I snap he fights back. I get hurt, the end. _

Jude shook her head at herself. She really couldn't figure out her own feelings. A part of her clearly wanted Tommy while the other was hating him with every fiber, that wasn't normal, was it? It was enough to make every sane person go nuts that much Jude knew already.

Somehow Jude ended up in front of "Elvis" and she decided to visit Ryan, she hadn't been here to see him since she had signed her contract, she had only spoken to him once over the phone when she had canceled a performance of hers at the club.

Tommy:

Tommy was entering the club, a good friend had tipped him off this was a good address. It wasn't one of the best clubs in town, but at least there wasn't any reporters and the music was pretty decent. But Tommy didn't really care about the music. Not after what he had done today. Once again he had messed up, when he had wanted to finally tell Jude that he wanted more from her than just fighting or friendship he had once again said things that were inexcusable. This time he had called her a slut and that was something that was really topping everything he had done before.

Every time Tommy thought back to that moment he wanted to kick his own ass. How could he let her provoke him just like that?

When Tommy reached the bar a girl attracted his attention since she was just about to fall off her chair. He quickly went over the three steps to her and caught her before she hit the ground. When he realized who was so damn drunk his heart seemed to skip a beat. It was her.

"Jude, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked, knowing he wouldn't get a decent answer anyway. He helped her to sit more or less normal again, but he didn't dare to take his hand off her back in case she would be about to fall again.

"Get your hands off, pervert!" The bartender suddenly shouted at Tommy and came around the counter, placing his hand protectively over her shoulder.

"She was nearly falling of her freaking chair, idiot! Who are you? Her boyfriend? Wanted to get her drunk or what?" Tommy asked angrily, not bothering to really take his hand off Jude's back.

"No, I'm just a friend of Jude's. She's got a rough day and I won't let her end up in your hands or something."

"I'm a friend of Jude's too." Tommy said, knowing he was a little bit stressing the friend word, but hell, who really cared? "What made her getting wasted like this? That's not her."

"Do you know her from work?" The bartender asked suspiciously. Tommy nodded.

"Where does she work?"

"I.O. Golden Records. She just had her interview today on TV." Tommy told the guy without breaking eye contact. He sighed relieved when the bartender nodded and seemed to believe him.

"Ok. She's got in a fight or something with another singer today, I don't really know, she was kind of dazed when she arrived here. But it could also be that she met her family again or something, they are usually the cause for Jude's break downs, although this one guy from another label's causing her sleepless nights too."

"Really? What's up with her family and what guy? Maybe I know him." Tommy asked and tried to not sound too curious. He didn't know what was going on in Jude's life although he had heard from Kwest something about her family not being the best. That had surprised him, because what he remembered the Harrisons had been a perfect family more or less.

"Her family's hell. Something happened three years ago, Jude quit a contract or something. It had to do something with music and stuff; she doesn't talk about it that much though. From what I know she had issues with her family ever since then, they didn't understand her and slowly they began to just don't care about her anymore. They just concentrated on her sister since Jude wasn't letting them in and she was too difficult. In school Jude hadn't many friends either and the few she had she shut out. I don't know exactly why, but I think it had to do something with this contest she won and that she dropped out. She told me once when she was wasted for what seemed like the first time that no one cared about her and that she wasn't worth life. That scared me like hell and I took care of her ever since. We're friends. Now she had signed this contract and I think what happened back then is still haunting her, whatever it was. The last three years were hell for her and now she seemed happy again. But today…" The bartender shook his head obviously worried. "That's why I think that it's this guy again. Jude hasn't told me, but I think he has been the reason it went wrong the first time and now he's back in her life again and she just can't deal with it I guess. I think she's in love with him, but he's not or something and she's afraid that she'll mess up again. Since her family abandoned her, or she them, however, she got no place to go anymore."

"Interesting. I mean, it's sad and her parents are dumb for giving up on Jude, but you know, this makes sense of some things she said." Tommy said quickly after the bartender had shot him a weird look when he had said that Jude's misery was "interesting".

"However, I gotta go back to work now. I'm Ryan by the way. Take care of her, would you?" Ryan asked when a few men were yelling loudly for the bartender.

"Sure man, I'll take her home." Tommy said and nodded to the guy. He saw that Ryan wasn't happy to leave Jude in Tommy's hands, but it seemed like Ryan had no better solution ever so he nodded his approval and went away then not without caressing Jude's face for one last time and tugging one wisp of hair out of her face and behind her ear.

Tommy took Jude in his arms and carried her out of the club in bridal style. Surprisingly she didn't even fought his touch instead she snuggled up to him. A slight grin settled on Tommy's face when he felt Jude's tight grip around him and he remembered what Ryan had told him. Jude loved him?!

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So that was it. DId you like it? I hope so. Let's just say for all Jommy fans: You'll so totally like the next chapter. ;) If you give me five reviews, I'll update within the next two weeks. If you don't, well, I think I'll still update within the month, no matter how much work I got...

xoxo Kathy...


	12. 12 Heading For Disaster

Ok, here's the next update, within two weeks! :) I didn't get five reviews, but I thought four was jsut as great! :) Keep it up ;) Today I totally messed up a test. Anyways, since I decided to not care about that damn test until I get it back, I wrote this afternoon, homework just didn't really seem appealing to me, you know? :D So today I'm updating 3 of my stories,yay!

However, enjoy reading and REVIEW.

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_**Chapter 12 - Heading for disaster**_

Jude woke up, feeling like hell had come overnight. It didn't need a genius to figure out that she had been drinking once again. Jude groaned silently and rubbed her still closed eyes.

_Damn, judging from my head, or better the pain that's called my head, I've drunken way too much last night. I haven't been that hangover since… well, since this one night._

Jude sat up slowly and found herself in a strangely familiar bedroom. It looked so familiar yet Jude couldn't remember being in it before. Jude had actually assumed that she was at Ryan's when she had woken up, but this sure as hell wasn't Ryan's little apartment. Jude tried hard to remember what had happened the night before, but after her sixth drink or so everything was still a blur.

Jude wasn't really worried about the whole not-remembering part, first she had been with Ryan and he would always watch out for her and second she always remembered everything within a few hours. She just needed some coffee and a whole lot of aspirin and the world would be bright and sunny again.

Jude honestly contemplated if she should just go back to sleep and give a damn about where she was. After all it couldn't be that bad if she slept one or two more hours. But in the end Jude's curiosity won and she decided to get up. She wasn't going to be like one of these sluts who don't care if they spend the night with one guy more or less. She might have done it now twice in a pretty short period of time, but hey, she was going through a rough phase.

_When I think about it I actually have pretty good excuses for my one-night stands, first was the day I abandoned my parents and then this time I was called a slut on national TV, oh, and the guy from the first night, aka my ex-producer, thinks that I am a slut. Yeah, I think that's some pretty decent excuse. Ok, Jamie and Kwest and a whole lot of other people I know wouldn't agree with me, but that's none of their business anyway. Just like it's not Karma's or Tommy's business. He was right with one thing through, I gotta get used to this. I can't freak and get wasted every time stuff like this happens, because if I do I'll end up and the AA group meetings. _

Jude stood up and was really happy to find that she was actually still wearing her clothes from the night before. Not that it was a particular good thing to sleep in his day clothes, but that meant that the probability of her having had sex the night before was pretty much zero. What more could she ask for?

She walked out of the bedroom and walked along the hall into the living room. She couldn't help but feel somewhat comfortable in this apartment, like she had been here before, but she couldn't really remember it. She shrugged her shoulders and told herself that she had probably been in the living room the night before and that was it already. Jude contemplated if she should leave the apartment right away or if she should look for the guy who took her home first. She decided to leave right away, but when she passed a not all the way closed door curiosity took over. She opened the door silently and sneaked into the room.

Suddenly all the memories were coming back to her, like if this other bedroom was the key to everything. She was in Tommy's apartment. Again. As soon as the thought had occurred to her she also spotted Tommy's sleeping figure in the king size bed. He looked kind of angelic there, perfect like a god. At least it seemed to Jude that way.

_So, now I know where I am. Great, this makes it the second time I ended up drunken at Tommy's. Why couldn't it be somebody else? ANYBODY? At least I haven't slept with him this time. Although… this probably wasn't my call. He most likely didn't want to sleep with a slut but didn't want to kick me out either. Not our perfect Tom Quincy._

Jude had subconsciously made a few steps towards Tommy, in order to be able to see his features better. He looked so unbelievable good. His hair was messed up and Jude knew that if he was awake he'd probably rush over to the mirror to fix it or something, but she liked it this way, it looked kinda cute.

_Damn it, stop staring at him. Get a grip girl, he called you a slut. I need to get out of here before he wakes up._

Suddenly Tommy opened his eyes and looked not sleeping anymore at all. Which meant he had been awake the whole time. Now he was staring at her with this look, that look that Jude could never figure out what it meant. It looked like amazement and surprise mixed with cockiness, but with Tommy being… well Tommy, one could never be really sure about anything.

"T-Tommy. Good morning. I just wanted to leave anyway. Thanks for taking me in last night. I won't bother you again, promise." Jude began to stutter, not knowing what to say while he was looking at her so intensely and cursing herself for not leaving right away when she still had been in the dark about where she was. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss.

"Girl, calm down. It's no problem, really." Tommy assured her, seeing how nervous she was. Jude remembered immediately that he had always called her girl back then while recording "24 hours". She blushed and scolded herself for remembering how he called her years ago.

Suddenly Tommy stood up and threw the covers away. He wasn't bothering to put something on since he was only wearing boxer shorts. Jude somehow had the feeling he wouldn't have mind him not wearing anything, but maybe she was just hoping that he wouldn't mind. However, him only wearing boxer shorts caused her to blush even more since she couldn't stop staring at his perfect, well trained body. Plus she couldn't help but think that Tommy knew just too well how much his barely covered body was affecting her.

However, Tommy's little action had shut Jude up effect fully since she had stopped rambling. Tommy approached the now silent Jude and he touched her chin, bringing her face up so that her eyes met his and their gazes locked. Jude lost herself in his damn blue eyes and wasn't able to form any coherent thoughts anymore. Then Tommy smirked slightly, knowing what an effect he had on her and very satisfied about it, he took her into his arms, but without pulling her too close for holding eye contact. This way he pulled her with her, slowly back on the bed. He lowered himself backwards on the covers, not breaking eyes contact once, but taking his arms off Jude, leaving it up to her if she wanted to follow. If she wanted to continue what they were about to begin. It was her choice.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Jude whispered huskily, sounding weak and lame, even in her own ears.

"No, we really shouldn't." Tommy says but he only grins broadly and is still looking at her like… that, that kind of look that made Jude's heart skip a beat and that made it impossible for her to not think about how great coming down in this bed together with him would be.

When Tommy reached out for her and touched her face lightly with his fingers Jude knew she couldn't resist whatever this was. It was too strong, way stronger than her.

I'll regret this afterwards. He called me a slut. He's so damn hot. His eyes… Stop right there, you can't do this again, once was a mistake, no blame on you there, but twice is going to have consequences I can't just ignore anymore. But how am I supposed to not look at him anymore? To stop looking in the first place?

"Screw the consequences." She muttered under her breath and then she began to kiss Tommy feverously. It was so damn easy to shut everything out, to just not think but live for the moment. To be true, Jude couldn't have tried thinking rationally any longer anyway, so the giving in had been inevitable from the moment Tommy had opened his eyes. Who are we kidding? From the moment she had known where she was, with who she was.

Jude and Tommy were lying next to each other, both lying on their backs while Tommy was playing with Jude's hair without looking at her though. Both were lost in their own thoughts, silently thinking about what had happened.

There they were, together once again. Jude was confused but somehow she was still feeling calm in the same moment. It was like she was still dreaming and knew that reality would eventually come, but she still was in the secure dream state.

It was pretty crazy thinking about everything though. Like some kind of cheesy novel or something. First she won this contest and got this awesome chance. Then prince charming comes into the picture and in the beginning they can't stand each other. Just two words to that: ex-boybander vs. punk rockgirl. Then this day at the pier and the feeling of seeing each other's true self. Jude had a crush on the hot guy from then on and kissed him even. He didn't kiss back; she quit her dream and was embarrassed. Then, now, three years later, they are back together, neither of them is looking for a relationship, yet they end up in bed, twice.

_Yeah, if this whole music thing's not working out I'll just start writing. This is like the perfect story. Only question is what's going to happen next. Because, sadly enough, we're not in a cheesy love story so it's not bound to have a happy end since this is real life. I mean, how is it going to be now? It's obvious that we can't lie any longer. He's like some stupid addiction of mine or something as soon as he gets near me. I don't know what it is, but I'm not myself around him. All these last three years I build up my walls so damn high and here he is, not even seeing them._

Jude sighed and rolled on her side so that she was facing Tommy now. She knew she had to face this and eventually they would have to talk about it, so why putting it off any longer? She waited for him to react or say something though, since she didn't know how to start.

After a few moments Tommy turned around to face her too, his hand still playing with a strand of Jude's hair. They both stared each other in the eyes, trying to convey their thoughts and to read the other's ones.

"So…" Tommy trailed of, his voice sounding slightly husky. "I guess we gotta talk now?"

"I'd say so too. I mean, we can't just go on like nothing happened, now can we?" Jude asked somewhat nervous.

"Hey, I wasn't the one who sneaked out in the morning and who wouldn't talk to me afterwards."

"Right, there you go and blame me. I wasn't the one who called you a slut. And even if I did, you are a man-whore and not even you can deny that." Jude snapped icily.

"At least I usually tell the people who I am and I'm not lying to them." Tommy retorted defensively.

Jude sighed, seeing that they were heading nowhere. How could it be, that after this amazing hours they were fighting again as soon as they started speaking?

"Let's just stop the blaming, this "shame on you"-thing isn't going to get us anywhere." Jude said and smiled softly at Tommy. "I don't wanna fight with you."

"Me neither, girl, me neither."

"Then we can settle with that, can't we? So I'm just going to be straight with you and ask you the question that counts. What's it gonna be from now on- with us?" Jude asked hesitating about the last two words. There, she had asked it, the one question which answer she was still dreading. But there was no way around it.

"So you're actually asking me? That means you don't wanna act like it never happened and meant nothing this time?" Tommy asked with raised eyebrows. But when he saw Jude's face becoming firm he quickly continued before she could say something. "Just kidding, just kidding. But you see the irony too, don't you?"

Jude rolled her eyes at that question. What was he trying? To win some more time to think?

"Are you going to answer the question any time soon or do you prefer to chit chat a little bit before? Just let me know, I'm always there for you, you know?" Jude asked sarcastic.

"Alright. You want an answer, that's what you'll get. But promise me you won't walk out on me and avoid me all over again, alright?

I care about you Jude. I really do like you and I always did, I was sad when you quit back then. But I understood too. I wish I had handled things differently back then, because I know, although you keep on denying it, that you quit because of me. But you were just so young and I didn't understand what I felt and everything in me told that it's wrong." Tommy paused, as if to wait for a silent affirmation. But he wasn't getting one, Jude just starred at some spot on the wall behind Tommy, not bothering to react to what he was saying – yet. "Although you might not believe me, but I was actually searching for you after that night when we met in front of I.O. I was hitting a dead end though, since there simply was no blonde actress/model named Sadie to be found in all Toronto. Then I saw you on the stage at the concert, although I heard you before I saw you. When I tried to talk to you, I wanted to get to know you again, to find out why you lied and everything. But you avoided me effectively as you know pretty well yourself." Tommy stopped, not knowing what to say. He felt like a fool. There he was, talking bullshit. He knew what he felt, at least he thought he did, but he somehow wasn't able to speak it out loud.

"What are you trying to say Tommy? I know all that. Well, except for the whole searching part." Jude said quietly, deciding to not deny the fact that she had quit because of him. "From what I read through the lines of your rambling, you care about me a lot. But do you really or am I just imagining things?" Jude asked further, she needed to know for sure. She couldn't let herself admit her own feelings if he didn't feel the same for her.

"I do. I really do. I gonna be honest with you, I got no idea how to go with these feelings and I have no clue if I'm good enough to do this, whatever this exactly is, but I wanna try. And I don't want you to leave me behind once again." Tommy admitted tentatively, as if he had to test how the words sounded spoken out loud. But it was what he felt, although it was hard to believe it.

Leave him behind. Well that would be a first, since I never really left him behind or forgot him or something. No, I either hated or loved or missed or regretted him. But I never forgot him and my music.

"I don't wanna do that either. But how are we supposed to do this? The press will have a field day and Darius… I don't know how he'll react, although I don't think he'll say too much, will he?" Jude wondered aloud.

"Darius." Tommy repeated the name quietly and looked lost in thoughts. Jude watched him intently, sensing there was more to it than she was seeing, obviously. Suddenly Tommy laughed shortly. "I actually completely forgot about D. Unbelievable. I think I gotta disappoint you, Darius won't just go with the flow. He's not exactly a fan of mine. He was my manager back in BoyzAttack-times and we didn't part on good terms. Can't blame him though, I really can be an asshole if I want to. And the press, this won't be good publicity."

"Well, somebody told me that there's no such thing as bad publicity. If I remember it correctly it was my PR manager." Jude joked, but she got serious after that. "But we don't need to make such a big deal out of it, now do we?"

"No we don't but if we date officially, and that's what you probably want, the press will find out and then…" Tommy trailed off, not knowing what to say. Jude didn't know about why Darius wasn't very fond of Tommy, especially about the dating thing. Jude didn't know about Eden, at least Tommy assumed she didn't, because if she did she would have mentioned that way before and probably wouldn't have ended up in bed with him in the first place.

"What I want?" Jude asked dangerously calm. "So it's not what YOU want?"

"No! Don't get me wrong Jude, but it's just the whole stress and I'm worried about you. You're not used to how vicious the media can get. In the beginning they'll write about a scandal, then we'll be a love story and then we'll be the couple which is destined to break up and they'll print more rumors than you can count."

"Whatever Tommy, I think I can handle myself pretty well, thanks. I'm nearly eightteen now, not fifteen. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself." Jude said coldly, but when Tommy looked at her apologetic she softened again. "I know you only trying to look out for me, but you don't need to. I know all that pretty well myself. And if you want to, we can keep quiet for now. We'll just try to make it work and see if it works out, then we can face the media and Darius, alright?"

Jude was sounding convincing, but truth to be told, she wasn't. She knew she wasn't the kind of girl, no good for a secret relationship. There had been way too many lies in her life already and she didn't like adding anymore in the mix, but she knew it was what Tommy wanted. She didn't want to mess this up, whatever "this" was.

"Yeah, that'd probably be the best." Tommy said smiling, oblivious to what was really going on in Jude's mind.

"But I have to warn you, secret relationships are usually heading for disaster." Jude said playfully, meaning it, but at the same time not really.

"Didn't you know that I tend to break the rules, girl? They are meant for breaking, aren't they?" Tommy answered grinning and pulled Jude over to him and kissed her passionately. Jude responded with equal passion and she knew that her decision was right. She could live with a secret relationship as long as she had THIS on regular basis. She knew Tommy was hers, and she was his; screw the world.

_And how can something be wrong that feels this good? I want Tommy and he wants me, what more do I need? Hell who am I fooling? I need Tommy._

The thought of needing Tommy, or just somebody at all, scared Jude a little bit, but she felt that she couldn't get out of it anymore, so where was the point in fighting? She'd just go with it for now and see where it was going. It couldn't get that bad, now could it?

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Ok, that was that then. Just for the record, Jude DOESN'T know about TOmmy and Eden being together, well, she saw them together in the mall, but she had forgotten that already by now and about that interview, since Karma said she was a slut she overheard the whole Eden-Tommy together thing... That'S kind of important for the next chapters, so just know that Jude's not aware that Tommy's theoretically cheating on Eden. Why theoretically? Well, you gotta wait for the next chapters to find that out ;) So review, I can just promise that the drama's not over yet...

xoxo Kathy


	13. 13 Yeah RED roses

Sorry you had to wait that long, I'm really sorry, but my inspiration's kind of lacking in the last weeks. I got to worry about what I'll do after school. My parents wanted me to study this one thing at the university since forever and I somehow always thought of it as a given that I'd do exactly what my parents wanted. I don't know, I even thought of it as what I wanted since I got out of the kindergarden. But now that I'm a junior I'm kind of wondering what I want to do and I found that my hobbies and everything are completely different than the job my parents want for me. I know now that I don't wanna be what my parents want, but I got no idea what I want. So if I lost you somewhere along the way: welcome to the club. Because I'm sure as hell even more confused. However, since I'm wondering about what I want to do, I somehow can't write anymore. That sucks.

Well, please review, even if this chapter isn't as good as the others were. This is... well... something, kind of a filler. But I had to introduce a new character and since I'm not on my best right now I had no better idea than this chappy.

Enjoy and Review!

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Chapter 13

Jude was in the studio, listening together with Kwest to his other artist, Patsy Sewer. Patsy was more of a hardcore singer, although since she was at I.O. for over a year already, she had softened a little. At least that was what Kwest had told Jude secretly, but every time Jude heard Patsy sing she wondered how the non-soft version was, since Patsy was half of the time rather screaming than singing some songs. Her current song they were working on was "Bring Me To Life".

"You really do have different kind of music to mix." Jude mused when Patsy's high pitched voice nearly ruined their ears.

"If you put it that way, yeah. But I don't really mind in this case. Patsy was my first ever artist and so she's special to me, I gotta admit that I like your music better personally though. But hey, Patsy got fans and performances too, so somebody has to like my mixing very well." Jude chuckled at his words and punched his shoulder playfully.

"Yeah right, it's all because of you. Just don't let Patsy hear that, I kind of doubt she'll see it your way. How come I didn't see Patsy until two weeks ago at I.O.? I asked her about it, but she just said some stuff about how much she hated these labels who don't respect their artist's musical creativeness and that she'd never sell her soul to the devil. I suppose devil was another word for Darius, but the rest, I don't get it. I mean, she's recording here after all and she's an I.O. artist, right?" Jude asked curiously. She and Patsy had became friends over the last week and a half. Kind of. Jude never really understood Patsy fully, but still she felt somehow drawn to her. Jude kind of admired how Patsy lived her life always on the edge and seemed to fear nothing, but on the other side she knew she'd never be able to live like that. But Patsy was just great if you needed to blow of some steam.

Not that Jude needed to do that lately, it's been two weeks since she and Tommy had agreed to a secret relationship and she hadn't been able to stop grinning ever yet. They were taking it slow. They met sometimes at night, usually at Tommy's apartment and had dinner, watched TV or something.

"She's kind of freelance. I know that sounds weird, but Darius wanted to have an artist in that musical direction and Patsy only agreed if she didn't have to sign a contract. So she's in the studio and recording whenever she has time and wants to while we are releasing her stuff." Kwest explained while he was pushing some buttons to change something about the beat.

"Wow, Darius must really want Patsy."

"Seems like it, doesn't it?" Kwest said sarcastically before he pushed a button to speak to Patsy through the mic. "Pats, that was good so far, I just think there's something off with the last verse, take five."

"Hey smiling face." Patsy greeted Jude when she left the booth. Jude threw her a surprised look since it was a weird name, but then she just shrugged her shoulders. It was impossible to figure Patsy Sewer out.

"Hi Pats. Sounds good your new stuff. When's your next performance?" Jude asked and sat down next to Patsy on the couch, leaving Kwest to himself so he could work on the song.

"Tonight at "Beat'sDeath". Why don't you come by at the end? We could have some fun and I'm sure Kwest won't mind if you come in later tomorrow." Patsy suggested while she was pulling at some lose ends of her jacket. The string was getting longer with every time Patsy pulled at it and Jude wondered if Patsy would continue to pull until there was nothing left of the jacket but fabric strings.

"Nah, I can't, sorry. Got already plans tonight. Besides, I'm not like you sadly in this case, I get a hell of a headache after I got drunk and I don't think Kwest would fancy working with me then." Jude said grinning. She really had plans tonight. With Tommy. Tommy would come over to her apartment for the first time and this time she'd be the one to make dinner. Ok, so she'd probably just order something from the Italian around the corner, but that wasn't the point.

"What plans?"

Jude stirred at that question. She hadn't expected Patsy of all people to question her about her plans.

"Ehm, just stuff. Gotta take care of some things, you know?" Jude answered vague.

"What stuff?"

"What?"

"Are you deaf, smiling face? I asked what stuff?!"

"No, I'm not deaf, of course I'm not. It's just kind of a weird question." Jude tried to win more time. Too bad she was a hell of a liar and she knew it.

"Well, over the last weeks you had always plans in the evenings, so now you got me curious. From what I see you either don't wanna hang out with me or you got a lover. Or you're just one of these boring grown-ups who hate fun, but I don't really think that low of you, so, what's up?"

Jude laughed at Patsy's words, calling her a grown-up. But at the same time she was pretty nervous. She could hardly tell Patsy and Kwest that she and Tommy were a couple now.

"It's nothing like that. I'm just meeting a friend."

"Oh, so you got a hot lover. Who is it?"

"Just a friend. No lover. Got that? Besides, it's none of your business anyways."

"Are you in love? That would totally explain you're constantly smile." Patsy concluded grinning teasingly. "Kwest! I think our dearest Jude over here has got a new lover!"

Now Kwest turned around to the two girls, Patsy smirking at Jude and Jude shooting Patsy death glares. Although Jude kind of blushed a little too.

"Come on Jude, you can tell us. We're your friends and you can't hide something like that forever!" Kwest stated matter-of-factly and was now smirking too.

"Do we know him? Is he a musician or something? Musicians are always hot and their hands…" Patsy trailed off, knowing Jude wasn't fond of hearing about Patsy's love life. "Or is he some cheesy nerd? Maybe he sings some stupid BoysAttacks songs for you or does he prefer Backstreet Boys?" Patsy continued merciless when Jude still wasn't telling anything.

In the beginning Jude had just felt uncomfortable sitting there and being interrogated by Patsy and Kwest, but when Patsy mentioned BoyzAttack Jude wasn't amused any longer. Patsy spoke with the same disdain about BoyzAttack like Jude had used to do it herself before she had got to know Tommy and now she was somewhat upset hearing Patsy talking this way, especially about this topic. It was way too close to home for Jude's taste.

"Mind your own business, would you?" Jude snapped. "Kwest, I'm gonna get going now, since you got to work with Pats today I'll just come in tomorrow. Have fun." With that Jude stormed out the studio, leaving a confused Kwest and a surprised Patsy behind.

"Well, I guess he's a nerd then." Patsy said after a few moments, shrugged with her shoulders and went back into the sound booth as if nothing happened.

Jude was heading for the lobby and the exit when she passed studio 5. The familiar tunes let her stop walking and she looked through the glasses, grinning when she saw SME rocking the studio. SME had just started working on their first solo album and Jude was already exited to hear it when it was finished. She really came to like the guys, who also were now her officially one and only back up band. Plus they made kick ass music and Spied could really pursue a solo career too.

When Spied spotted Jude standing outside the studio he motioned for her to come in. Jude nodded and went in, listening now to the last seconds of the song.

"Hey Rob, how is it going?" Jude greeted Robert, Spied's producer.

"Well you know, it's like being the teacher in nursery school, exhausting and enerving. But this is way better paid than teaching. Plus I don't have to let them fail forever." Rob joked and smiled at Jude before he turned his attention back to the mixing.

Jude chuckled, thinking that comparing SME to some five year olds was pretty realistic. The boys really never seemed to grow up, especially Spied whom Jude had known since elementary school. He was nowadays as crazy and childish as he had been back then.

_The thing about their grades would be true too. From what I can remember Spied never got anywhere near a B or a C+. I don't get why he's still in school. I mean, come on, he has a job already and he really doesn't need a crappy graduation paper if he's going to be a musician, now does he?_

But SME had insisted on going to school instead of getting homeschooled, they always said that it was way more fun in school, especially when they didn't need to care about their grades. Weird thing was, they had a point there, kind of. Jude would probably agree with them, if she had had any real friends back in school. But since she had been alone for the last three years she couldn't see a reason to go there if she wasn't forced to.

"Hey dude, what's up?" Spied came through the door into the studio, his guitar still in his arms.

"Everything's fine, dude!" Jude answered sarcastically since she didn't really like Spied calling her dude. But she wasn't as bothered by it as she usually led on, in fact she didn't really mind. It was just fun fighting with Spied about it.

"Well then good you came by, because I wanted to talk to you anyway." Spied declared while he was putting his guitar back in the case after Rob had glared at him. "My dearest sister's back in the city."

"What? Angel's in Toronto? Since when? And how long will she stay?" Jude asked grinning and excited. She and Spied's sister had met way back in summer camps which Jude had attended every year until she became 15. Technically everything had changed when she was 15 due to her winning Instant Star, but whatever. However, Angel and Jude had become friends during these camps and one of their favorite activitys had been to make fun of Spied and his friends or of Sadie, when Sadie actually was in the same camp as Jude since she had always thought of herself having a better level than her little sister. Jude smiled to herself when she remembered these summers and how good it had felt to make fun of Spied and especially of Sadie.

_But who the hell cares about Sadie anyways? Perfect little barbie has now her wonderful parents all to herself and I don't miss a thing. But I did miss Angel sometimes, we really were a dream team back then._

"She's back since yesterday night, she told me to tell you right away, but I didn't want to call you all that late. I heard that woman need there beauty sleep." Spied smirked at Jude and stepped back quickly so that Jude's punch just missed his arms. "However, she wants to meet up with you. That is if our rockstar is up to it."

"Of course I'm up to it Vin. You can stop pouting by the way. I mean, come on, it's really pathetic to still be upset about always being the loser in summer camp. It's been years, sometimes you just have to get over it, you know?" Jude said and acted like she was giving Spied some serious and straight from the heart adivse. She even placed her hand comfortingly on Spied shoulder without laughing. Which really was a hard thing to accomplish considering Spied's shocked face and Kyles and Wally's laugher in the back ground.

"You... that... I don't even know where to start!" Spied complained indignant. "First thing, didn't I tell you to never ever call me by my first name?! Second, I never lost against you two, damn it. I won just as often as you two little babies. Remember this one summer where I sent all your clothes in a boat on the sea? And you had to wear the same things the whole last week. If you call that winning I pity you!"

"Yeah, right, this one summer where we were busy with making Sadie's life hell and you had about two weeks to come up with something to take revenge for the year before and the only idea you had was sending our clothes off in a boat?! Your mastermind didn't forget that we put all your beds and cupboards and stuff outside in the forest and used your clothes as waymarks?" Jude asked innocently, now she was having the laugher of Kyle and Wally clearly on her side while Spied was looking kind of desperate.

"Anyways, I haven't seen Angel in what? Four years? I so wanna meet her right now. Where is she?" Jude asked excited, cutting Spied off before he could retort anything. That is if he had something he could retort.

"She's probably at my apartment right now. Here, her number." Spied said shortly, giving a folded paper to Jude. He was looking quite offended at how Jude had mocked him in front of his friends. The latter were still laughing pretty hard, imitating Spied as a little boy, who was made fun of by girls.

"Guys!" Jude exclaimed peeved. "Get a grip. Don't you got better things to do than making fun of poor Speedy over here? I don't know, maybe something that's called your job? You should try it out someday." With that Jude winked Spied and left the studio grinning, anxious to meet her old friend again.

While Jude was starting her car and pulling out of G-Major she heard her cell ring shortly and knew that she had a new SMS. When she glanced down at the cell, which laid right next to her on the passenger seat, she saw Tommy's name over a few lines of text. Jude quickly turned her attention back on the traffic since she wasn't the best driver ever, but she couldn't help but not only grin like a fool the whole time but although glancing to her right the whole time.

As soon as Jude had parked the car in the parking lot under Spied's apartment building she reached for her cell. The whole building wasn't very different from her own since Spied had gotten his apartment from I.O. Records too. Jude read the text quickly and smiled when she thought about Tommy being her boyfriend.

**J, can't wait for ton8t. I'm in the studio and it sucks without u. Love and miss u already. T**

Tommy had promised her some surprise for tonight and Jude couldn't wait for him to finally come over. But there were still some hours to pass before that was going to happen and Jude would have to talk to Angel first. So she climbed out of the car and walked towards the elevator, quickly typing a quick response to Tommy. She grinned when she hit the "send" button; this really was the best part of secrets relationships to her, the secret messages and the hidden comments and everything. It just made everything even more special to her. So what if they couldn't go out to the movies or all the normal-couple stuff? She was becoming a star now and that meant leaving normal behind, and man, she was so ready for leaving normal behind. Normal was over-rated.

When Jude pushed the button for the door bell right next to Spied's apartment's door, she felt like a little child again. Some of the best memories she had of her childhood involved Angel, being her best friend back then. And that meant something, considering they had only seen each other each summer and on some other occasions when Angel had visited her father and brother in Toronto.

_Great, now I'm thinking like an adult of forty years or something. I'm only 18, nearly 19, and yet here I am thinking "back to my childhood". God, I'm not old enough to talk about my childhood since I'm nearly still a child. Theoretically._

Finally the door was opened and prevented Jude from thinking any longer about how messed up her life was.

"Jude!" Angel exclaimed, grinning equally happy as Jude. Jude hugged the black-haired, beautiful woman, not believing that this was her best friend Angel.

"I missed you in summer camp, you know that? Wasn't the same afterwards without you there." Angel said and led Jude inside the apartment. Jude had to surpress a laugher, this really was a random thing to begin the conversation, but since it was Angel she shouldn't have expected anything else. Angel had always been… different, unique. That had probably been the reason why the two kids had connected so well.

"Yeah, I missed the summer camps and you too. It's really been a long time. I can't believe we never exchanged addresses or something, but I guess we were just really stupid back then."

"Add naïve to the list, you won't believe what happened to me since we parted." Angel said and with a dark tone in her voice that made Jude worry about her best friend. But she was glad at the same time, because whatever had happened to her friend, she seemed willing to tell Jude, and that meant much to her.

"Don't worry, I doubt your story is that much worse than mine." Jude assured Angel with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, since Angel had seemed about to be lost in old, not so pleasant memories.

Angel laughed at Jude's daring tone and the tension that had just came over her had vanished again. Both girls felt reminded of the days they had spent in the summer camps, where one bet had followed the next dare. They had been all about fun and adventure back in these days.

"Want something to drink?" Angel asked when they entered the kitchen. Jude smiled, still finding it kind of hard to accept that her old friend had grown up too, just like her.

"Sure, coffee would be great."

"Oh right, Spied mentioned something about how I should invite you to Starbucks if I wanted to make you happy…" Angel trailed off, obviously helpless in the unknown kitchen, searching for the coffee cups.

Jude laughed friendly and motioned for Angel that she should stop searching. Instead Jude went straight to right boards, took two cups out and put the under the coffee machine.

"What kind of a hostess am I? My guest does even know her way around the kitchen better than I do. Should this bother me?" Angel questioned jokingly, letting it sound like she was rather asking herself than Jude.

"It shouldn't since you just arrived yesterday, and, if my information aren't wrong, you're not even living here. I, on the other side, have spend here many hours and many nights with the guys. So no, you shouldn't be bothered." Jude explained her friend matter-of-factly, fighting the smile that threatened to ruin her oh-so-earnest face.

"Well, if you put it that way…" Angel surrendered in the same fake earnest manner. Then she took her coffee and walked into the living room, holding her nose up high. Her imitation of a cocky society lady caused Jude to laugh so hard that she nearly lost hold of her coffee cup.

"So, what brought you really back here? And don't tell me you just wanted to visit your brother." Jude asked half an hour later, both had finished their cups of coffee and had randomly questioned the other about how they had been.

"Ok, I knew that question would come sooner or later." Angel sighed, obviously not happy about it. "It's a long story and it's hard for me to tell it. So please don't interrupt me or anything, alright?"

Jude nodded silently, curious about what got her normally so self-confident and happy friend to get so quiet and sad.

"I think I never really told you about my mom, and back then it wasn't that bad either, so it's not like I haven't told you something. But during the last years things have changed, and not for the better. Before, my parents always spend their energy on fighting each other, but then, when the divorce was finally really through, my mother began picking on me. She told me on daily basis that I was too fat, which caused me to become bulimic. I even started doing drugs because of her constant critism and I became pretty self constructive. Finally my friends made me go to a doctor and then to a psychiatrist, and after some time I got not only clean again, but normal and self confident too. I stood up to my mother and after I finished school I left her. That was a few months ago and since then I have traveled a bit until I decided to come here and maybe settle down."

Jude had listened intently all the time and she really felt sorry for her friend, knowing how hard it was to say good-bye to his own parents. She had been there, although her life hadn't been that bad, or better: her family hadn't.

"I'm sorry Angel. I know it's hard to leave your whole life behind."

"Oh let's just not talk about it, alright? All I want to worry about right now is the present and the future, the past isn't important anymore." Angel said determined to move on with the conversation. Jude knew how hard it really was for Angel and she assumed that this attitude she was showing, was only a very thin façade that wouldn't be held up very long. But she also knew that it wasn't clever to say that to her now.

For now Jude would just do what Angel had asked her too and when her friend finally cracked, Jude would be there for her.

"Alright, so let's talk about the future. Spied told me you have no place to live?" Jude asked with a smile on her face. Angel returned it and her eyes told Jude that she was grateful for the change of topic.

"That's true, he offered me to stay here with him, but I'm afraid my mother will show up sooner or later and I can't face her right now. Besides, I want my own place, I don't wanna stay at my little brother's place." Angel added with a grin on her face. She and Spied were twins, although they couldn't look more different, but Angel was born about 20 minutes earlier. Of course she loved calling Spied her little brother, just as Spied hated it. Jude laughed at Angel's comment, remembering all the fights that had been started because Angel was teasing her "little brother".

"Alright, I get that. If I imagine I had to stay with Sadie. Oh my god, I think I'd rather join the homeless under the bridge. That is if it's not winter…" Jude trailed off, as if she was thinking what was worse, staying on the streets in winter or living with Sadie. "However, I think I have the answer to your question, so to say the perfect solution. Why don't you just move in with me? I always wanted a cool roomie!"

Angel looked at Jude surprised, but then Jude could literally see the smile spreading on her friend's face.

"That would be awesome, Jude. You'd totally help me out. Besides, judging from what I heard you really need a cool roomie, Spied told me you never do anything with your friends these days. Well ok, maybe you're not really to blame about that, since Spied's actually considering himself and the guys to be your friends." Angel commented and hugged Jude tightly, clearly excited about the whole moving-in part.

"Let's just say I didn't hear that last part." Jude said and rolled her eyes, mentally noting to kick Spied's ass the next time possible. "I'd say we now get your thinks and move you in my apartment."

"What? Right now?" Angel asked excited. "Don't you have to clean up first or something?"

"You're actually thinking you'll get around cleaning up yourself? Forget it!" Jude joked. "No, I don't need to clean up actually, I moved in not that long ago myself and one of the rooms I haven't even really been in, the only thing that is in there is an excuse of a cupboard and a bed. So, take that or leave it!"

"Let me consider it…" Angel said slowly before she exclaimed the next sentence. "I'm so totally taking it… I think." She added more slowly again.

About an hour later Jude and Angel left the elevator on the eleventh floor at Jude's apartment building, heading for Jude's home. Both had their arms full with boxes, Angel even had trouble seeing what was ahead from her, due to the fat moving box that was stapled on the other on in her arms and was totally in front of her head.

"Jude?" Angel asked in a bugging voice.

"Yeah?" Jude answered while she was trying to figure out a way to get the keys out of her pocket without letting the box fall down.

"If I were you I'd start walking faster, because if you don't I can't guarantee anymore that I won't just walk you over. And that wouldn't be very pleasant for you, since I'm wearing high heels and it wouldn't be pleasant for me, because I'd most likely stumble and fall." Angel explained with a slightly impatient tone.

"You know Ang, I'm getting more and more afraid that you probably won't be the roomie I had been hoping for. I mean high heels, total unability to carry moving boxes without walking over other people, plus you seem totally incapable of shutting up and stop whining for five minutes." Jude laughed while saying this, so Angel knew that she didn't mean it. But still, it was the truth too.

"Oh right, as if these things were the most important ones about a good roommate. I'm funny, I know how to make things exciting and you can trust me. To say it with other words, before you can even turn around I'll be your best friend and you won't be able to live without me."

"That sounds like some kind of drug or some addiction. Not good. Should I be worried and kick you out of my apartment?" Jude asked while she unlocked the door after she had finally found the keys.

"Nah, it's a good addiction, believe me. Besides, I first have to get in your apartment before you can kick me out of it." Angel retorted and marched right beside Jude first into the apartment, leaving Jude behind to follow.

"You're walking and aiming problems can't be all that big, Ang, if you're able to walk by me in this small hallway." Jude commented, not sure if she should laugh or roll her eyes.

"Well whatever. First you gotta explain me what this hottie is doing on your couch. And please don't tell me he's a burglar or something, because he looks damn good and really confused."

Jude heard her words and her heart nearly stopped. A burglar? In her apartment? That wasn't funny. _Good-looking is a whole other story. Wait, good-looking… damn it, I totally forgot him. Damn it._

Jude quickly came inside the apartment, forgetting temporarily about the keys that were still in the lock. When she was able to look at the person on the couch her heartbeat got slower, only to speed up again the next moment.

"Tommy." Jude stated, thinking about how stupid a secret relationship was. Especially in this case where she knew that Angel had recognized Tommy.

"Hey. I wanted to surprise you and pick you up earlier, but you weren't home, so I decided I'd wait here. And then this beautiful lady came in…" Tommy explained, sounding a little bit uncertain and nervous.

"Ang, this is-" Jude began but was interrupted by her friend, the "beautiful lady".

"Little Tommy Q, I know. He's an producer now, right? For this other label, what's-the-name-again? Whatever, he's producing this bitch Eden and this slut Karma, isn't he?" Angel asked enthusiastic, while she seemed to search through her memories for everything else she knew about Tom Quincy.

"It's Tom Quincy, please, and I'm a producer at G-Major, that's right." Tommy stated, his voice slightly annoyed, since he hated people calling him Little Tommy Q, something Jude knew just too well.

"Alright, Tom, but what are you doing here in Jude's apartment?" Angel questioned further, not letting Tommy's tone intimidating her a bit.

"We're friends, I haven't talked to him for about three years and now that's I'm back in the business again, well we wanted to do something together tonight, to… catch up." Jude finished, making her words rather sound like a question than a statement.

"That's right, but since you obviously have a guest, I'd say we get together some other time. Call me when you have lunch tomorrow or something, alright?" Tommy asked quickly, trying to overplay Jude's not-that-convincing explanation.

"Sure. I'll give you a call." Jude nodded and watched her boyfriend heading for the door. "See you!" She said when he was nearly out the door already. What she wanted to say was: "I love you!" But that probably would have tipped off Angel about what was really going on, if Jude's little performance hadn't already.

The door slammed shut and Jude and Angel were alone in the apartment. Jude wasn't really able to look at her friend and she felt how she blushed at the thought of how stupid she had behaved. She had made her and Tommy's relationship more than obvious. Especially with her stupid explanation about how they hadn't talked for years and were now catching up, after she had spend over two months as an artist again.

"So you wanted to catch up with Little Tommy Q tonight?" Angel asked with a knowing voice that Jude didn't like at all.

"Yeah. I wanted to make peace with him, you know? Because when I ended my contract back then we didn't part on good terms. Not on bad either, but I think he just didn't get why I quit and I wanted things to go back to the way they had been once, because we totally connect musically." Jude answered, with every word more confident, that explanation wasn't so strange after all. At least in Jude's opinion.

"You didn't tell me that you and Lil' Tommy Q were friends back then, didn't you say that it had only been one week after the contest before you quit?" Angel questioned further, not satisfied with Jude's explanation at all.

"Yeah, it was only a week, but still. He helped me make my song "24 hours" perfect and that day we kind of became friends. Because I trusted him with my song and the most important thing to me: my music. He rewarded that trust with a way better song."

"Ok, ok, I see you're trying to get around telling me what really happened. Just like before when you told me first that you quit for "personal reasons" and then you said you didn't even know anymore why. Something doesn't fit there. Plus, why did he bring a bunch of roses with him if you're just catching up?" Angel asked triumphantly and reached for the couch where the roses laid, not far away from where Tommy had been sitting.

"The roses…" Jude repeated, clueless how to explain that thing while she was trying not to start smiling because Tommy had brought her roses.

"Yeah, red roses." Angel said, as if she was the detective and this was the most important prove.

"Ok, ok. You win, my excuses suck." Jude finally surrendered and hold her hands up in a defeated manner. Angel nearly squealed of excitement and pulled Jude down on the couch.

"Tell! And I wanna know all the details!" Angel ordered and waited for Jude to start with the story. But before Jude could begin Angel cut her off again. "Oh, and do you got popcorn or something? It makes no fun without popcorn!"

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I hope you like this chap, even if it could have been better. I also read through the whole story, since I had problems with the writing and I found many mistakes, so I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. But somehow I can't seem to manage to see all these stupid mistakes while I read through it BEFORE I update. Damn it.

Please, please review. These are the only things that might give me my inspiration back ;) . So PLEASE.


	14. 14 Earth to Jude

Alright then guys, I'm BACK. I had a majr writers block for generally all of my stories, but I fought back hard and I worked on this chapter until it was right and finished. It's extra long, to make up for all the time you had to wait for it ;)

I just hope there aren't too many mistakes left...

Read, Enjoy and Review!

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Chapter 14 - Earth to Jude!

Jude was waking up with a smile on her face. That was a miracle, especially since she had been woken by the noise her clock made. She reached out, her eyes still closed and switched the alarm off, before she finally opened one eye and peeked in the direction of the alarm-clock. Damn it, she hated daylight in the mornings, it was the hardest thing about getting up, considering that Jude really had problems to get her eyes open and will them to stay that way every morning.

It was 9:45, the usual time for her to get up on a Monday morning. As usual she didn't want to. But today there was yet another reason for her unwillingness to leave her bed. The reason was lying next to her, still sleeping judging from the rhythmic breaths she could hear.

Jude turned around and opened her eyes more than willingly for the first time in years on a Monday morning. Although she was now for several weeks together with Tommy, she still couldn't believe how lucky she was, every time she woke up next to him. To be true she could hardly believe she wasn't dreaming 24/7. Her life seemed just too good to be true.

For a few moments the blonde contemplated on snuggling up on Tommy and just skip one of the despised Mondays, but she knew she couldn't do it. Because if she did Kwest would come around sooner or later and ask what happened and why she didn't show up in the studio. One of the disadvantages in being close friends with the producer/neighbor. But even before Kwest would interrupt her little idyll, Spied would make the contest and probably ring her out of bed in about 45 minutes anyways, since she was supposed to take him to work with her. Something she wasn't really keen about, after all she and Angel had given Spied a really hard time two nights ago. But hey, it was his own fault if he crashed a strictly-girls DVD night and refused to leave only because it just happened to be his apartment. As if that was a good reason.

However, unfortunately his car was in a car shop, being checked and everything, causing Spied to rely on his best friend and favorite co-worker to take him to work. Meaning that Jude would have to get up soon, if she didn't want to not only wake up Tommy but also having to cover up for Tommy being in her apartment this early.

So Jude sighed one last time, kissed Tommy softly on the forehead and stood up, thinking about what she could wear to work today. Luckily she had only to chose a outfit and put some make-up on in the next forty minutes, since anything else would not only way overcharge her this time of the day, but she would have had gotten up way earlier too. But since Spied had promised her to invite her to Starbucks and get her a decent breakfast before they went to work, she was fine with the forty minutes she had left. She hated having to rush in the early morning. Getting up was bad enough.

* * *

"Hey dude, good to see you!" Spied greeted Jude with a way too awake smile for Jude's taste. As usually her mood had darkened ever since she had left the bed and hadn't been able to return to it. The worst thing was that she hadn't had time for coffee, she had been just leaving the bathroom when she had heard the elevator sound, telling her that someone arrived on her floor. A quick look through the spy-hole had showed her an approaching Spied, so she had opened before he got to knock and wake her boyfriend up.

_Boyfriend. Thinking of Tommy as my boyfriend feels still so damn great._

"Morning." Jude murmured grumpily, also it seemed like in the corners of her mouth a little smile was forming, always appearing when she thought of Tommy these days. "And please don't call me dude until I have some coffee in my bloodstream, because I'm not in the mood for this. It's way too early for fooling around."

"Oh, someone had a late night? What kept you away from your precious sleep? It wasn't Ang, was it? I told you she was only trouble, but you wouldn't listen to me. That's what you get for choosing her side over mine!" Spied teased merciless, clearly assuming that his sister had kept Jude in a bar or a club all night.

Jude was about to contradict, to tell him that Angel was not only one of her best friends and the best roommate one could wish for, but that she had also spend the night somewhere else at a friends house outside of Toronto since said friend has gotten married yesterday. But then Jude decided to just let the matter go and to let Spied think whatever he want. This way she didn't have to think of some other excuse, so she wasn't complaining.

"Whatever you say. Just get me some coffee real quick!" Jude answered and closed the door behind her, heading straight for the elevator. Spied followed her with his trademark smirk, knowing that he could now get even with grumpy-morning Jude for making fun of him with his sister in his own apartment.

* * *

Jude was walking through the hallway of I.O. Records where hers and Kwest's usual studio was, she had just left it to go out for lunch and she was now contemplating on asking Spied and the guys to eat with her. It was a question that popped up everyday, since Jude wanted to have fun with the guys in the short break, but on the other side she wanted to call Tommy. Sadly both wasn't possible, because once SME was with you, there was no getting rid of them. Usually they even came back to the studio with her and annoyed the hell out of Kwest until he exploded and send them away.

The funny thing was really watching Kwest while he was in the studio together with SME, it was hilarious. Jude had quickly gotten why he wasn't producing the three chaotic guys, they just didn't fit. Kwest was more of a calm one, while SME were like some immature five-year olds. Although Jude secretly thought that Kwest would probably be not only able to handle the three with the time if he was their producer, but that they would also make their best music ever, she knew that it wasn't going to happen if SME wouldn't ever learn to really see their job as work, not fun.

When Jude walked through the lobby alone, since she hadn't found SME in their usual studio, Georgia left Darius office, slamming the door shut behind her, an angry look on her face. Jude stopped curiously, watching her former boss more closely while hoping not to be spotted. But Georgia's eyes found hers and the angry expression turned into a sad but distanced one. Jude avoided looking directly at her and only looked up again when she was sure that Georgia had left through the front entrance.

She had just started walking towards the exit herself, when the intimidated receptionist was leaving Darius office, her whole appearance and body language being as different from Georgia as possible. When she now spotted Jude, she walked straight up to her, looking a little bit relieved, but still somewhat frightened.

"Miss Harrison, Mister Mills wants to speak with you immediately." The woman informed her hastily, before she was walking away again.

Jude was staring after the woman for a few seconds, trying to grasp what could possibly be the reason for Darius seemingly strong wish to see her. Right now. Finally Jude gave up assuming and walked slowly towards Darius office, steeling herself for whatever was about to come.

Jude strode into the office after she had knocked politely and had waited to be called in, acting way more confidential then she actually felt. But acting classes had taught her well and when you're dealing with Darius Mills, showing that you're afraid or even intimidated is the death sentence for your free will.

Darius was on the phone, but nodded a silent "hello" to Jude and motioned for her to sit down in front of his desk. Jude sat down and shifted uncomfortably in her seat, she didn't like being in Darius office, being anywhere near Darius actually. She always felt somewhat observed, like there was some kind of test and if she failed she would lose everything all over again. That was her biggest fear, losing the music again, losing herself, losing Tommy.

"You wanted to see me?" Jude asked after Darius had finished his call. Not giving away in voice or behavior that she was nervous and somewhat scared.

"Yeah that's right. I just had a conversation with Georgia and found out that Karma and Eden are going to be at the big party the day after tomorrow. It's a very exclusive party of some rich and important guy in this town, however, I still have another ticket and I wanted to ask if you have already plans for that night. I know it's on short notice and I promised you a free week, but this is important. You're still new in the biz and this is a party where you can make some new connections, in this business it's all about connections, you know!"

Jude had listened thoughtful, she had actually planned on doing a DVD-night together with Tommy and the thought of enjoying a good movie and some ordered food while lying in Tommy's arms sounded very, very tempting. But on the other side she was really curious about the party, since she hadn't been on many of these VIP-parties yet, unfortunately.

"Actually I kind of already have plans. Well maybe, nothing sure yet." Jude answered slowly, she didn't want to commit or anything without talking to Tommy first, though she didn't want to lose the ticket either.

Darius starred at her for a few moments, before he nodded shortly and reached for something on his desk. Then he gave the piece of paper to Jude, which turned out to be the invitation. He even smiled at her fatherly and said without the usual ordering tone.

"Alright, I see. Here is the invitation. Why don't you just check with whoever you have plans with and then decide spontaneous if you go or not."

Jude was stunned and the confusion must have shown on her face too, because Darius' smile turned into a knowing smirk.

"Look, I know you wanna go, it's natural for a newcomer like you, you want to go and see how it works. So whatever plans you have, they must be important to you. Besides, you have done pretty great in the last weeks so I see no reason to force you into going there. I think you'll regret not going enough anyways." Darius predicted in an amused tone. Jude's confused look vanished and slight anger was now in her eyes. She didn't like the things Darius had implied. She didn't like, that he considered himself in a position to allow her to not go to the party like that. Plus he sounded like he was pretty sure that she would come anyway.

"Thanks for leaving the final decision up to me, I wouldn't have dreamed of making my own decisions any time soon." Jude commented sarcastically. "However, I gotta go. My lunch break is nearly over." With that she stood up and left the office, feeling angry, although she didn't know at who to direct said anger. She hated that let Darius control her life, that lately, she had done whatever Darius wanted without any protests. No wonder Darius thought he owned her or something. But she also hated Darius for throwing the facts in her face all over again and again.

Jude looked at her watch, only to see that she had just about 15 minutes left. She briefly wondered what had happened to all the time, but figured that it had taken a little bit longer until the assistant had told her to get inside Darius' office after Georgia had left. Jude didn't really know why, but she always had a bad conscience thinking about Georgia, she kind of felt like she had betrayed her or something.

Jude sighed and headed back to the studio, deciding that a snack from the machine in the kitchen had to be enough for lunch. As soon as she had entered the empty studio and had placed her sandwich next to her, she reached for her cell and dialed Tommy's number.

"Hello?" Tommy asked when he picked up. His borderline annoyed voice tipped Jude off that he hadn't checked the caller-ID and didn't know who he was talking to.

"Hey, it's me." She said with a grin spreading on her face, knowing he would be surprised and would probably regret sounding annoyed.

"Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn't see who was calling." Tommy apologized and sounded sincere enough. "I'm in the studio, working with Eden."

"Oh well, then I think I'll forgive you your annoyed greeting, after all I'd go crazy too if I had to stick around that wannabe diva all day." Jude commented generous.

"Right. You know this session today is nearly as bad as the one I had with that fiercy red-head a few years ago. In our first sessions she has been so damn stubborn and her stupid geeky friend had been so annoying, that I wanted to throw her and her little pet out. Only thing keeping me from it was that I totally owed it to Georgia." Tommy told Jude laughing.

"Oh you didn't just say that! You compared me, ME, the most talented Instant Star, to Eden, this wannabe pop princess?" Jude asked playfully incredulously in the phone. "This so earned you a smack on your little head, pretty boy!"

"Should I be afraid now, or what?"

"You'd better be. Begging for forgiveness is your only chance left to survive!"

"Alright, then I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then?" Tommy suddenly asked, his whole demeanor changing. Jude listened quietly, curious what was going on at the other side of the line. She didn't have to wait long until she heard what had interrupted their conversation. Or rather who.

"Who the hell are you talking to? I'm singing my soul out in there! God, why can't I get a better producer?" Eden's piercing, high-pitched voice came faintly through the phone and became louder with every word, which had to mean that Eden was approaching Tommy and now in the studio with him. Jude rolled her eyes.

_Right, as if Eden was even capable of singing anything out, except false sounds. Let alone her "soul". _

"Just a friend, Eden." Tommy answered annoyed, feeling uncomfortable talking to Eden while Jude was listening. To be honest he had been surprised when Jude hadn't started on that topic yet, she hadn't even asked him why he was officially with Eden in the first place. Not that he couldn't have answered that, but he still didn't feel too good talking about it.

He still cursed himself for letting EJ control his life so entirely, but back then he hadn't really cared about many things, besides the fact that he couldn't lose his job, because thanks to Darius' influence no one else would take him, no matter what a great producer he was. Which would have forced him to work for Darius again. Well now that was prevented, but therefore he had to play boyfriend for the spoiled wannabe Eden.

Tommy had once thought he had made a good deal with that, but ever since Jude had reappeared in his life he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Then finish talking quickly, alright? I want to sing right now and if you make me wait any longer for your damn attention I might lose the desire, and you of all should know that it's hard for me to record when I don't really wanna sing!" Eden complained. Jude couldn't contain her laugher anymore. If Tommy really had to deal with this... diva every day, then he wasn't to be envied at all.

"Actually Eden, I'm talking to a manager right now who wants you to play on one of his big concerts. So if you may go back into the booth and excuse me for a few more moments…" Tommy said, sounding impatient. Though he had a hard time keeping the annoyed face up, since Jude was now laughing even harder in his ear.

Eden suddenly got quiet, shot Tommy one last glare before she went back into the sound booth. As soon as the door has closed Tommy started talking again, turning his back to Eden so she wouldn't see his smile, giving away that he sure wasn't talking to some industry guy.

"Hey, sorry 'bout that. But I told you I was working."

"No problem Tommy, well at least she's not mine problem. Fortunately." Jude teased while she slowly sobered up and stopped laughing.

"Haha, you're oh-so funny, girl. Anyways, where were we before this blonde, nerve-wrecking disaster has interrupted?"

"Actually we were just talking about how you should better beg for mercy when you come over the day after tomorrow." Jude helped with a broad grin on her face. Luckily she was alone in the studio, because she doubted that anyone could mistake her goofy grin for a normal one. But she just couldn't help herself.

"Oh right, our date on Wednesday. I wanted to talk to you about that. Unfortunately I'm going to be working the next two nights and I wanted to ask if you could live with it if we postponed our date." Tommy asked, sincere regret obvious in his voice. Jude was quickly grasping what a great chance that was. She could go to the party without having to cancel on Tommy and she wouldn't regret going now since she had nothing better to do anyway.

"No problem at all Tommy, I'll sure find a way to amuse myself without you. It might be hard, but I'll live." Jude mocked his exaggerating words.

"Why thank you, that's really boosting my ego!" Tommy complained playfully.

"Yeah right, as if your ego could be any bigger. Little Tommy Q." Jude retorted, keeping herself from laughing.

"Ouch, that hurt!"

"What did hurt? Damn it, how much longer do I have to wait in here? Seriously, I can waste my time better than standing in here waiting for you!" Eden's voice once again interrupted their conversation.

"Sorry girl, I'm afraid I gotta go. Check your schedule and tell me if you're free Thursday night, alright?" Tommy asked quietly.

"Yeah sure, I'll do that and get back to you. Bye, love you!" Jude said somewhat sad that they had to end their conversation.

"Love you too." Tommy whispered and Jude felt a little bit stung, though she knew that he was only whispering because he wanted to save their relationship, but still…

* * *

Jude was standing in front of the mirror in her apartment, turning around and taking a last good look at herself and the dress she and Portia had picked out. She was pretty early, something untypical for her. But she still had fifteen minutes before she had to leave. If there wasn't something off with her outfit that would be great, but since the dress just didn't seem to look as good as it had in the dressing cabin with Portia complimenting her, 15 minutes were so not enough time.

Jude sighed and grabbed her cell, dialing quickly a number. She looked at herself impatiently while she waited for a certain someone to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Portia, great! I have a major problem. The dress. It makes me look fat." Jude began babbling without even saying as much as a quick "hello".

"What? Jude? Are you crazy? That dress is the best thing that ever happened to you. It doesn't make you look fat!" Portia tried to calm Jude down.

"So are you saying that this is the best I can look? Oh my god, I'm fat." Jude said sounding pretty desperate.

"Jude, stop it, right now. I have to convince Patsy to wear a dress that's not screaming "I'm mental", so I'm already fighting an uphill battle. Would you please tell me what's really wrong? Because the dress is fine."

"It's just…" Jude sighed, searching for the right words. "This is a really big party and I'll have to compete with Karma and Eden. Sadly this time I can't win with my music and I'm afraid that my looks just won't be enough." Jude admitted, kind of embarrassed because of her major insecurities. She hated feeling insecure and especially showing it. She had learned that showing your weaknesses only earned you misery.

"You'll do just fine tonight, Jude. Besides, in the end it's the music that counts, not your appearance on this party tonight. And, just to mention it, you'll look a thousand times better than Karma and Eden, because classy counts way more than slutty." Portia assured Jude. "But now I gotta hang up the phone and take care of this fashion-emergency over here. Will you be ok on your own?"

"Sure, good luck with Patsy." Jude barely got out before Portia had hung up.

"Great." Jude murmured, still not very fond of her reflection. She was nearly happy when the door bell rang and she had a reason to stop staring at herself in the mirror.

"Ang! God, you look amazing. Why is it that you always look great in everything, while I look crappy in a designer dress?" Jude asked whining.

"What was that?" Angel inquired while she followed Jude into the apartment. "You look stunning girl, you'll make the guys drool and Karma and Eden go red! Too bad Little Tommy isn't there to see you. But hey, he'll see you tomorrow in the tabloids, now won't he?"

Angel walked over to Jude's little room with all her clothes and accessories and grabbed a bag and a pair of sunglasses. Then she went over to Jude and put the sunglasses on her friend and pushed them up on her forehead. Jude took the bag and looked at hers and Angel's reflection.

"See? A true rockstar's looking back at you! And don't you dare to even think that you won't be the best looking nearly 18-year old out there tonight!" Angel told her and put an arm around Jude's shoulders. The first smile for hours appeared on Jude's face. "Well, except for me maybe." Angel winked at her friend, trying to cheer her up. And, as usual, it worked.

"Thanks Ang, I don't know what I would do without you." Jude said smiling at her friend.

"Your life would totally suck without me, stupid! And you're always welcome." Angel retorted with a wink and pulled Jude with her to the couch. "What about if you tell me now what's really going on."

"Why would you think something's up?" Jude asked, trying to get out of telling, but they still had about seven minutes until they had to leave – and Angel was totally aware of that.

"Maybe because of your annoyed tone earlier when you called me and begged me to accompany you tonight?"

"It was nothing, just a mood." Jude mumbled, before she quickly stood up and got her coat. "Anyways, we gotta go now."

"Oh, we do? Last time I checked we still have about five minutes until we should leave. Besides, never heard something about being fashionably late?" Angel asked with a knowing voice, but she followed Jude out the door none the less.

* * *

"Ready?" Angel asked Jude when their limo pulled up in front of what looked like a red carpet.

"A red carpet?" Jude cried out disbelievingly. "I'm afraid this might be confused with the Oscars or something."

"Hey" Angel said dead serious when Jude was starting to get out of the car. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure." Jude said and forced a weak smile, to be true she didn't know for herself what was wrong, but something was. She just had this bad feeling. "Thanks for caring though, and for coming with me tonight. You're like the best friend anyone could ever have!"

"Duh. Tell me something I don't know." Angel said, winked at Jude, leaned over her friend and opened the door wide before pushing Jude outside, following her right away.

The both girls were immediately spotted by the reporters, with their brand new designer clothes, sunglasses and classy accessories; they actually looked like film stars right from the magazines. Jude was even feeling pretty good after the first shock, caused by all the flash lights, had gone over. Though she knew that Angel was posing much more glamorous than her, she still admits silently, that she really enjoyed feeling like a real star away from the stage. And she had a feeling like she most likely wouldn't feel anywhere nearly as good as she did now, if Angel hadn't been with her, constantly reassuring her.

_God, I really missed that girl. Who would have ever thought that I was one to pose for the paparazzi on the red carpet? Right no one. Sadie probably would have pulled this off without even thinking twice, but little old me? No I was always the insecure one, the only thing I'm not insecure about is my music._

"Jude, hello earth to Jude!" Angel murmured, interrupting Jude's thoughts. Jude looked startled around, realizing that they still were on the red carpet, smiling for the paparazzi and another limo was just pulling up.

"Yeah, sorry. Let's get inside." Jude answered and with a last broad smile for the cameras she stepped into the building.

"Wow, and I thought it was impressive from the outside…" Angel commented when they had entered the building. It was a huge lobby and it was decorated very well and very expensive too.

"Yeah, it looks pretty decent, doesn't it?" Jude asked casually, like it was nothing special for her. Well, to be true it wasn't as special to her as to Angel, since Jude had been on a few others not that glamorous parties. Still, this was one of the best parties in the country and Angel knew just as well that Jude was impressed by what she saw and was only acting like it was nothing out the ordinary.

"Right" Angel smirked and hit her playfully without attracting any attraction. "So, miss superstar-who-knows-it-all. Why don't we go and search that Darius guy? The sooner he has introduced you to everybody and is letting you off the hook, the sooner we can have some real fun on this party."

"Good idea. I bet Darius would throw a tantrum if he knew that I didn't go to him immediately. He's so totally happy that I'm here, like a little five-year old on his birthday. You know, I could literally SEE the loads of money shining in his eyes when he thought of who all he could introduce me to…" Jude mocked Darius, while having trouble keeping a straight face.

Angel looked at Jude and the moment their eyes met both girls burst with laughter. They were still chuckling when they made their way to Darius, who was giving them curious looks but didn't say anything about the laughter.

"If this isn't my favorite Instant Star." Darius greeted Jude and ignored the slightly ill-humored glare, directed at him for his mentioning of Instant Star. Jude had made pretty clear, that she didn't want to talk about her past any more than necessary. But Darius turned around and so another man was coming in Jude's sight and she knew why Darius had called her by her old title. "This is Robert Midding, you might have heard of him, he's the head of ., the big advertising company. We've been just talking on what a spot would probably be the best for your new album."

"Oh really? Sounds quite interesting. Hello Mr. Midding, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Jude said with a polite smile on her face, while she took Midding's hand and shook it.

"The pleasure's all mine. My daughter's a big fan of yours, she's totally obsessed with your song "Even Angels Fall", much to my wife's displeasure, how I have to admit." Midding said with a friendly laugh. Jude decided that he didn't seem like a bad guy, though she had to force a laugh at that last comment. She really didn't understand why some people actually thought telling her that someone they were close to didn't like her music was funny. She found it a rather awkward and kind of embarrassing topic.

* * *

20 minutes and way too many strangers later, Darius finally told Jude and Angel to enjoy themselves, it seemed like he had introduced Jude to everyone important on the party. The girls found their table and sat down, talking, laughing and watching the people that were coming in.

Jude soon focused on a funny scene not far from their table. One of the boring and rigid industry-guys Jude had been introduced to not long before, was currently trying to have a conversation with yet another artist. Patsy Sewer. Jude really had to fight back the laugher, especially when she saw Patsy starting to make faces at the guy in his tux, who looked completely lost after a few minutes. He started looking around, searching for help and –most likely- for Darius, while Patsy started acting drunk. Jude knew that her friend wasn't drunk, which for itself was something astonishing considering it was already dark outside, but she also knew that the poor guy had no idea that he was being played. Well that's what's bound to happen if you force Patsy Sewer to such a formal and important party. The blame was all on Darius.

"Hey! Earth to Jude!" Angel suddenly interrupted Jude's focus with a relative loud call and a kick at Jude's left leg under the table.

"Ouch!" Jude turned to Angel and glared at her friend while rubbing with her hand over the soon-to-be black spot. "Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not. You won't believe who just arrived here!" Angel told Jude, not caring in the least about the death glare Jude had been sending her. Instead she just motioned for Jude to look to the right. Jude did but couldn't spot anybody she knew aside from Darius chatting with some other black guy.

"Am I supposed to know anyone over there?" Jude asked, sending one last look in the direction of the entrance before she looked back to her friend.

"Damn it, I can't see him anymore either. Anyways, I'd bet 100 of that precious dollars, that your lover is somewhere in here!" Angel told her friend excited.

"What?" Jude asked confused, now looking around again more carefully while continuing. "That can't be, Ang. He told me he had to work all night today!"

"Well, I sure know now that being in the music industry is a dream job, you get to call event's like this work!" Angel joked and smiled at Jude's nervousness and curiosity, not thinking much of it. After all, from what she had heard from her friend, it wasn't that unusual if Tommy really thought of this as work.

"Alright, whatever. I gotta go and search him, yeah? He totally could have told me he was coming, we could have tried to get the same table or something." Jude said, sounding disappointed, obviously she would have enjoyed the night much more if Tommy was there. "Anyways, I'll go and find him, the most important thing is that he's here after all!"

Angel smiled at her friend and they both got up from their seats. They made their way through the crowd to the entrance, but Tommy was nowhere to be found.

"Jude? I gotta go for little girls." Angel told Jude when they passed a toilets sign and slowed down. Jude stopped for a few moments too, looking back at her friend.

"Should I come with you?" She asked somewhat guilty, knowing that she kind of should go with her friend, but at the same time she could hardly think of anything else than finding Tommy ASAP. Angel laughed at her torn face.

"Don't worry about lil' old me, darling. I'm a grown up, I can handle myself just fine. You go and find your prince, I'll come after you later!" With that the black-haired woman was walking away already, leaving Jude to fight for herself. And that she sure did. The search for Tommy Quincy was continuing.

* * *

Angel was in one of the stalls in the girls bathroom, sitting on the down toilet seat, applying some new make-up, while looking in her little vanity mirror. She could have just as well gone outside and to everything in front of the big mirrors above the sinks, but she preferred having some alone-time, plus Eden Taylor, the girl Jude despised so much was outside and even without actually talking to her, Angel knew that she was a bitch. And she just loved eavesdropping on those.

"What's wrong with you, Ede? You've been so moody all the time." A girl asked, obviously talking to Eden.

"It's nothing. Oh, who am I kidding, it is something. I think Tommy might have an affair." Eden said with a deep sigh. Angel was shocked. Judging from what she heard that girl outthere had not only true feelings but was also together with a certain Tommy. But that couldn't be the Tommy…?

"What? I thought you two had just had a great night a few days ago! Didn't you text me something about mind-blowing sex and everything being great with you and Tommy Q?" Eden's friend questioned, sounding really surprised.

"Yeah, the sex was amazing, as usual." Eden admitted, her voice sounding a little bit cheered up at that. "But he's been so distant lately, in the studio he's only criticizing me like all the time, plus he's constantly on the phone or texting who-knows-who."

"But he wouldn't dare to cheat on you! That would be damn right crazy, you're the best thing that ever happened to him. He should be lucky he got you." The other girl commented, and although the words might have been right, Angel couldn't help but think that these words sounded somewhat hollow the way she had said them.

"Yeah, you're right. He better not be cheating on me. If he does I'll dump him and make his life hell. He needs me, after all I'm his best artist and his girlfriend. Plus think of all the bad publicity. No, he's better not cheating on me with some slutty bitch!" Eden said with determination, though she sounded like she was rather trying to convince herself than anybody else. A few moments later Angel heard Eden and her friend strut out the room and the door shut again.

_This is bad. Tommy's Eden's boyfriend, or at least she thinks he is. So Tommy's either lying to Jude or Eden's illusional. But whatever it is, Jude seems to end as the other woman and I can't let that happen. After what her dad did, she's even more sensitive about these things. She even lectured Kyle for about half an hour when she heard he was dating two girls at once. Damn it, I gotta tell her. Real fast._

* * *

Angel was searching everywhere for Jude and she grew more nervous and worried with every passing minute she couldn't spot her best friend. Someone she unfortunately did spot was the cheating liar that was putting Jude through this mess. Aka Tommy. She had passed him and his "girlfriend" Eden several times, whenever he had thrown her a nervous smile, she had just send him a death glare, hoping that it would get the message over to his cocky, cheating brain.

Angel was pretty much desperate when she ran into Patsy about 20 minutes after she had left the girls room. She was so damn afraid that Jude might have not only found Tommy, but that she also talked to him and found out about Eden and did something stupid.

"Patsy, right?" Angel asked, just to make sure she was talking to the right person, since she hadn't met Patsy before all that often. Plus she was kind of distracted right now.

"Yeah, that's me. Who's you?" Patsy questioned, slurring slightly and looking confused.

"I'm Angel. I'm searching Jude, did you see her?"

"Sure I saw her. She's been running around. Somewhere. I think it was over there." Patsy answered without pointing in a direction though. She was obviously drunk. Angel sighed and shook her head at the drunk girl, seeing that she would be no help at all. She quickly said "bye" and went on, trying to find Jude.

* * *

"JUDE!"  
Jude turned around and saw Angel rushing to her side. She laughed at her friend's red face and the excitement or whatever Angel showed. She turned around again, looking back down on the party beneath her. She was pretty proud of herself for getting that idea to just go up to the balconies, from where she had a good view over the whole area.

"What's up, Ang?" Jude asked when the black-haired girl came up to her right side.

"I need to talk to you." Angel said, sounding somewhat relieved and nervous at the same time.

"Then don't hold anything back!" Jude chuckled, not thinking that whatever Angel wanted to tell would be serious. Besides, her main focus right now was to find her prince charming.

"Jude!" Angel nearly yelled, which finally caused Jude to really look at her friend. "This is important. I just overheard Eden telling a friend of hers that she's hurting and that she's worried about her boyfriend cheating on her. She seems to really love him and she suspects that he has another woman." Angel started slowly, finding it hard to tell Jude who Eden's boyfriend was. She hadn't forgotten what Spied had told her a week or so ago. That he had never ever seen Jude that happy before. Angel really loved Jude and all she wanted was for Jude not to get hurt, ever. But now she had to hurt her and there was nothing she could do to soften the blow.

Jude looked pretty annoyed, obviously not caring very much for Eden's worries. "Ang, I'm sorry, but I think I'm missing the point in this. I HATE Eden, did you already forget? Sure, it sucks to be cheated on and I wouldn't wish it to anybody, but I'm sure that Eden has been "the other woman" often enough. It's her own fault. She's a backstabbing bitch, only topped by Karma."

"Well, if you'd let me finish, you'd know why this does concerns you too." Angel said somewhat annoyed with Jude's attitude, as if Angel would bother Jude with something like that if there wasn't more to it. "Her boyfriend is… Tommy."

Jude looked at Angel first confused, then shocked, then confused again, the disbelievingly, then hurt. And then all the emotions were mixed in her eyes that started to get teary. "What?" Jude whispered. Not believing what she had just heard. What Angel had just told her. But Angel would never lie to her, would she?

"I'm sorry Jude. I know that you loved him." Angel said trying to soothe her friend, lifting her arms to pull Jude into a hug. The moment her last words had left her lips, she knew instinctively that she had said the wrong thing, like the totally wrong thing. She wanted to fix it, but the blonde pulled back already, suddenly looking angry and defiant.

"Loved? I LOVE him. Besides, who knows what's really happening. Maybe Eden's just imagining things. There must be a reason for this thing, this has to be a misunderstanding that's all. Tommy would never do that to me. So don't tell me you're sorry. Better help me find him, I'm sure he has an explanation for everything!"

"Jude, I hate to say this, but I highly doubt that. Eden said they slept together, a few nights ago only and they seem to do it on regular basis, plus…" Angel stopped herself, not knowing if she could actually tell Jude that her boyfriend was downstairs with said Eden in his arms.

"Plus what?" Jude asked softly, tears shining in her eyes. She didn't know herself what to feel. She was upset about hearing that Tommy was lying to her. That she suddenly was "the other woman". She was hurt and didn't want to believe it. But at the same time, the doubts began rising. The man she would have never doubted a few minutes ago somehow didn't seem like a saint anymore to her. After all he had told her he'd be working. And she had seen him with Eden at that shop, she had assumed then that she was his girlfriend, but somehow she had totally blocked that out until now.

_No, no no! This can't be true. Tommy told me that he loves me. H__e told me that he needs me. That he wants me. He wouldn't lie to me. He just wouldn't._

_Or so you think._

Jude wanted to smack herself for that little mean voice inside her head, telling her that she was doing wrong in believing in Tommy. It told her that Angel was right, that this wasn't a misunderstanding.

"Plus he's here, with her. I saw them downstairs, he had his arm around her waist and they were talking to some important-looking people." Angel admitted quietly, hating to see the deep hurt in Jude's eyes.

The hurt blonde suddenly stormed off, leaving Angel behind, nearly running down the stairs. She now somehow quickly spotted Tommy –and Eden. If she hadn't been so upset and hurt, maybe she would have wondered why she hadn't found him before, considering he now seemed to be the center of the big hall. He and Eden. Jude stopped dead tracks, not even hearing how Angel catched up with her and talked to her. She didn't hear the words, she didn't hear any sounds anymore. The only thing she was still capable of was staring at Tommy and Eden, and how they looked like the perfect couple smiling all the time, talking to the reporters. Only that with every smile Jude's heart was stomped on, squeezed way too tight and bruised permanently.

Calmly, not sensing anything of her surroundings or her whereabouts anymore, Jude reached into her purse, taking out her cell, dialing her speed dial number 1. Tom Quincy. The man she had secretly thought of as her Romeo. Her blue-eyed prince charming. Her anchor, her save heaven, her personal guardian angel, her very own saint. Her everything.

She held the cell up to her ear, waiting for him to pick up while at the same time observing his every movement. The surprised expression crossing his face. How his hands oh-so-slowly reached for his cell. How he pressed the accept-button without even checking the caller-ID.

"Hello?" Tommy's voice reached Jude's ear, while she saw his lips moving.

"Hey Tom. It's me." Jude said, stunned at how calm she sounded while her heart was being shattered in pieces.

"Hey you. Everything alright?" Tommy asked. Jude saw how he was looking around cautiously, seemingly trying to lower his voice so the paparazzi and Eden wouldn't hear him. Right.

"I'm fi- What are you doing?" Jude asked, not able to finish the two simple words "I'm fine"; not able to lie so entirely. She was a good actress, sure, but not that good. Not when she was about to have a breakdown, not when her heart was so entirely crushed.

"I'm in the studio. Working with Eden. Damn, sometimes I hate work. I just wish you could be here!" Tommy told her, lied to her directly, since she could see him speaking, turning his back discreetly on the paparazzi.

"Well though luck then." Pause. "Unbelievably, I would have actually believed you." She murmured more to herself, but still loud enough for Tommy to hear. "Too bad I can see you." Jude stated somewhat emotionless, though her voice kind of broke at the last sentence.

"What?" Tommy asked confused, shocked, he even sounded a little bit scared.

"What?" Jude mocked Tommy now in a voice that totally wasn't her own, it sounded bitter, sad and mean. Unlikely for Jude. "Turn around and you'll see what!" With that she hung up and put her phone away, mechanically.

She stared at Tommy intently, took in how he stared at his phone for a moment or two, before he turned around, his eyes meeting hers. Shock and horror showing in his features.

Jude turned on her heals and sprinted for the nearest exit, determined not to let Tommy follow her. She didn't even really care if Angel would be able to. She only know that she needed to get away real fast. Before she broke down, before she started crying, before she lost it. Because she wasn't sure if she'd find it ever again.

* * *

Ok, so this was the latest chappy. Hope you liked it. PLEASE review. I seriously put quite a lot in this chappy, since I had to overcome a major writers block, so I'd think I'd deserve a few reviews! Pretty pretty please! ;)

So, go on, click on that tempting looking button down there and tell me what you think! You know you secretly want to! (Because after all you DO want me to continue, right?? ;))


	15. 15 Listen up you bastards

Hey guys, here goes the next chapter. Sorry you had to wait for so long. But I think it makes up for it. You'll get to know a little bit more about Jude's past.

Responses:

d0esntshutup: Sorry about the missing Jommy, they are not reconciling yet. And well, Tommy's the guy we'll probably never fully understand,don't you think? :D Thanks for the review, it's what keeps me going :)

shadylady21:sorry to dissapoint ;) But oh well, I hope you still like it. Thanks for the constant feedback, I really appreciate it!

instantstar69: Yeah, know that feeling, I often got to read through stories again to remember everything :) They will fix it eventually, I hope ;) Hope you'll enjoy the chapter!

sillymilly-ily: Glad you love it :) And thanks for the review, every single one I get makes me smile and I really need that lately^^ Enjoy reading!

kiki dee: Thanks so much for all the reviews to this and my other stories :) Keep them coming and I'll give you the updates as soon as possible. ;)

Thanks for all the reviews and alerts and fav alerts, it feels so good to know you're reading and liking this story. I know I said it before, but it's definitely my fav, the one I got the most ideas for. And the one I read over the most, because I want it to be perfect. Or at least as near at perfect as possible ;)

ENJOY READING and REVIEW!

* * *

Stolen Glances Chapter 16

Tommy was sitting in his beloved Viper, the knuckles on his hands were white because of his tight grip around the steering wheel. He was driving to fast and he knew it, but he didn't care. He didn't care that it was raining and the top was still not up. He couldn't care much less about his expensive tuxedo which was wet through and through. Hell, he didn't even care about his hair and how that must look now that all the gel was washed out of it.

All he really cared about was Jude. Finding Jude, more precisely. Getting her to forgive him somehow. To fix the best thing he ever had. The first person he really cared for since Angie. The first person he had ever told he loved her, even if he had only said it at the end of conversations and stuff and she probably didn't think he meant it, it still was a first for him.

He was coming from Jude's apartment building, where he had been knocking on her door for about 20 minutes. Then he had resigned to the fact that she wasn't home, because the thought of her being home but not answering all these 20 minutes long was scary. Plus it wasn't very likely, Jude had quite a temper and wouldn't just wait until hes stopped knocking and annoying her.

So there was one last place where he could imagine her to be. Next to I.O. Records and her apartment (both places he considered checked), a place that she was connected to was "Elvis", the club where Tommy had learned that Jude indeed still had feelings for him. She was probably currently talking to Ryan, her friend.

Tommy wondered briefly if there was more than friendship between the bartender and his girl, or if there once had been more, but he quickly forced these thoughts in the back of his mind. This wasn't the time for him to get jealous, he had to win Jude back, not make her even more furious with some accusations that he had no proof or whatsoever for. He would have to ask her though eventually, after all he wanted to know if he had to be afraid or not.

He couldn't lose her now, or ever for that matter. He had only recently realized that he was in fact IN love with her, when he had read through his journal. He was still writing songs, of course, after all he was a musician, and all the songs he had written lately were about HER and some of those he had written in the last three years were about HER too. The songs were love songs, and then he had realized IT. He didn't only care about and love her, but he was in love with her. That was a big deal for someone like him. And he had planned on telling her that the following night. He had planned everything for the perfect date. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to make things official on his birthday which was only 2 more weeks away. He wanted everybody to know that Jude was HIS girl and not to mess with, and that he was hers not Eden's.

_Too bad only, that you just realized that now. Pretty good timing, really. Now when she probably won't listen to you like ever again!_

He had never liked playing along in this stupid relationship with Eden, but he hadn't really minded it either most of the time. Eden was pretty and not high maintenance. He had been able to remain a player most of the nights, and Eden had fallen for his charms every time. Half of the time she most likely hadn't even known that her boyfriend was doing an other model/fan or whatsoever. It had been easy for him to have both, a girlfriend and enough girls to be satisfied.

But lately he had hated this game they were playing. Because of Jude, he always felt like he was cheating on her or something. Plus he had felt like the biggest coward of all, because he hadn't been able to talk to Jude about the whole Eden-thing. And now he had to face the consequences...

* * *

_Flashback No 1_

_Georgia, Tommy and EJ stayed in the room after the staff meeting had ended. Georgia was shooting Tommy death glares while EJ was looking pretty bored and examined one of her nails. _

"_How could you let that happen, Tommy? You of all know how the media would take it!" Georgia exclaimed, holding up the tabloid in question once again. There were many little photos, all showing Tommy. With Karma or Eden. Judging from the photos, it looked like Tommy was having an affair with both and, the icing on the cake, there was one big photo, taken at some G-Major event, where Tommy was posing in the middle of the two girls, while the females were sending each others death glares. _

_Tommy rolled his eyes at the stupid headline, and acted all nonchalant, as if he didn't care at all. Truth to be told, he didn't care about the tabloids or about Karma or Eden. He didn't care about much these days anyways. So what if the media was calling him once again a man whore? He was one after all, why deny it?_

"_I'm sorry G, but it's not my fault that the tabloids have nothing better to write about. Or that Karma and Eden are so competitive that they even try to fight over me. They just don't seem to get that there is nothing to fight about."_

"_Don't give me that Tommy, I know that you flirt with everything that has two legs and wears a skirt." Georgia said still fuming. Tommy gave her one of his famous hurt-puppy-looks. "And don't you dare to try this look on me!"_

"_Fine." Tommy said and became more serious. "Why don't you just tell me what you want me to do? You know, damage control and everything, I'm sure you two have it all planned out already, don't you? Let's make this short, alright? I got a job to get back to."_

"_This isn't just about you, I could care less about your reputation, I don't think that one is even possible to save anymore. But it's bad publicity for my artists." Georgia explained, but Tommy only gave her an annoyed look, saying that he couldn't care less about this whole thing. "But luckily, EJ here had the idea to fix this mess. EJ, why don't you explain Tommy how he can help his artists." _

_Tommy looked at EJ who was now grinning evilly -at least it seemed so to Tommy-, then glanced back at Georgia, suddenly not liking how this was going at all. He knew just to well that messing with EJ was a bad idea. Just like he knew that whatever the Chinese had planned for him, would required big sacrifices on his part. Maybe he would have to drop either Eden or Karma. Well, that was something he wouldn't really mind since both were driving him crazy and not in a good way._

"_You'll get a girlfriend, Quincy. Either Eden or Karma, one of them will be officially announced as your girlfriend tomorrow. For the media you two will be in a serious and exclusive relationship, are we clear?" EJ asked with a daring tone. Tommy only nodded shocked, he didn't know what to say anyways._

_There EJ was, just using the g-word, just like that. He, Tom Quincy, couldn't get a girlfriend, he wasn't made this way. He had proofed it like every year all over again and you should think that people had gotten it by now. Well EJ and Georgia obviously hadn't. _

"_So I get at least to decide which one will be the future Mrs Quincy of the tabloids?" Tommy asked sarcastically, still not believing what was going on. But he refused to let the both women know just how shocked he really was. After all, this was only for PR-reason. Not like he really had a girlfriend. He only had to act like it. God, he wished, why hadn't he at home today and called in sick?_

"_Don't be stupid, of course you won't decide that. I'm just not sure yet who of them needs this more. But I guess it's Eden, her album sucks, while Karma's name is still out there as the third, as the recent Instant Star." EJ said and hammered the last nail in the coffin of Tommy's carefree bachelor life. Or so he thought._

"_G, you can't be serious about this! Me? A girlfriend? That's two things that just don't fit with each other!" Tommy complained, trying to get the older woman to see his misery and what a disaster this would most likely end in._

"_Well Tommy, you should have thought about this before. You got my artists in this mess, so now you go and fix it." Georgia said, her face determined._

_Tommy shot both women one last disbelieving glance, then he stormed towards the door and kicked it shut behind him. He went straight for the alleyway and kicked the back door shut too, this time with more force. Then he grabbed a cigarette out of the pockets of his jacket and decided to go for a long, very long walk. Or how long it would take to get to the next open bar._

_Flashback No 1 End_

* * *

Tommy entered the club, not noticing the loud music nor the beat that was making his jeans vibrate slightly to the rhythm. Usually he absolutely loved the feeling, feeling the music. But today he wasn't able to enjoy this feeling, no the only thing on his mind was a certain blonde.

Jude was nowhere to be seen, not on the dance floor, nor at the bar. Tommy felt his heart sink when he realized that she wasn't there. That he wouldn't find her. That it was most likely over.

But before he could make the decision to leave or whatever, someone marched up to him with a grim look on his face. Ryan.

"You better leave right now. She doesn't want to see you. Now or ever." Ryan told Tommy in a tone that clearly said "don't mess with me or mine". It took Tommy a few moments to process what he was saying. Because if Jude wasn't there, then Ryan's words made no sense. Except if he had been wrong. If she was still there. Then there was still hope.

"That means... she is here?" Tommy asked hopefully, not caring about the threatening tone of the bartender.

* * *

Jude was staring down at what was still left of her drink. She didn't know how many she had had before but she didn't care either. Though she was pretty sure, that it was much less than the last time she had gotten drunk and passed out -and had landed in Tommy's guest room. Seemed like the weeks of staying sober had made her less capable of dealing with the drug she loved the most. Alcohol.

She was glad about it through, the sooner she was completely gone, the sooner she would maybe forget about her broken heart and the bastard who had broken it. She still couldn't believe that everything had been so good this morning and now, mere hours later, everything was so fucked up.

_Why did he do it? Why did he have to cheat of all things?_

Jude sighed heartbroken and gulped down the last drops of her drink. She definitely needed a new one, no matter how long Ryan's lecture afterwards would be; he should better hurry up doing his job and refilling her glass.

What bothered Jude the most, was that technically Tommy hadn't cheated on her, he had cheated on Eden WITH HER. Not Eden was the other woman, no she, Jude, was. So if someone was to blame, it was her. She had been with Tommy while he had officially been with Eden. So she hadn't known about it, it was shame on her, no matter what. And she couldn't hate Eden for stealing Tommy, because well, she hadn't stolen him.

Jude could still feel the hatred she had for her father's mistress, and she could only imagine how much Eden would hate her if she knew. Jude even hated herself for being so dumb, for being so stupid, for falling for Little Tommy Q. She hadn't forgotten about Angel's words.

* * *

_Flashback to the night before_

"_Jude!" Angel nearly yelled, which finally caused Jude to really look at her friend. "This is important. I just overheard Eden telling a friend of hers that she's hurting and that she's worried about her boyfriend cheating on her. She seems to really love him and she suspects that he has another woman... Her boyfriend is Tommy... Eden said they slept together, a few nights ago only and they seem to do it on regular basis, plus... he's here, with her. I saw them downstairs, he had his arm around her waist and they were talking to some important-looking people." _

* * *

Jude sighed and shook her head, wishing she could just forget about everything. Sadly this was reality and it wasn't that easy. Just like with her wish for a loving family, it just wasn't meant for her, obviously.

"I see your glass is empty. Want another drink?" A familiar voice asked her from the side. Jude took a deep breath and turned around. She gasped when she looked right into two very familiar brown eyes.

"Just what I needed else tonight." Jude stated while wondering if someone above was out for her today. "What do you want Michael?" She asked annoyed, turning her eyes back on the empty glass. Hoping that maybe she was just imagining everything, that maybe the guy next to her wasn't Micheal, her ex-boyfriend.

"Jude. Wow. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with the new haircut." Micheal said and Jude found herself believing his surprise. She knew him too well to not pick up on his lies anymore. Besides, the last time he had seen her, she had had blonde hair with red strands of hair. "It suits you good." So now he was complimenting her. He of all people.

"Thanks, I guess." Jude murmured while she gave one of the bartenders her glass and nodded for him to refill it. Hoping Micheal would just leave her alone already.

"So what have you been up to lately? I heard something about you dropped out of school?" Micheal questioned after he had told the bartender what he wanted for himself. Jude sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for small talk with her ex.

"Yeah, I dropped out of school, it was a waste of time anyways." She answered annoyed, hoping that Micheal would get the hint.

"Why? You would have graduated in a few months!" He obviously didn't get the hint or chose to ignore it.

"Micheal, what are you trying to do here? I think we're past the small talk phase, aren't we? I frankly really don't need to see your face tonight, or ever again for that matter. I got enough problems of my own, without having to chat nicely with a lying, cheating asshole of a ex-boyfriend." Jude spat, grabbed her drink and downed the half of it.

"Jude, don't be like that. I never wanted us to part on bad terms. But it's not all my fault, you know? I apologized for behaving like a jerk already, and I'll do again whenever you want, but I want us to be friends again. We've been friends since forever, I miss you in my life." Michael said with what sure was supposed to be a sincere look. Jude snorted at his words, shooting the good-looking blonde guy next to her a disdainful glare.

"You should have thought about that before you broke up with me because I didn't give it up to you. Because in opposite to HER, I didn't want to sleep with you just because you wanted to act "cool" in front of your friends. You should have thought about that, before you told everybody that I was a prude druggie. A basket case and that not even my family wanted me anymore." Jude finished bitter, feeling tears fall from her eyes once again this night. Everything that had happened half a year ago was coming back to her. All the lies, the gossip. The heartbreak and the feeling of being a victim for everyone.

"Jude, I'm sorry about how I handled things, but I never said you were a druggie, that wasn't me, who-" Micheal began, but Jude interrupted him with an incredulous look in her eyes.

"Ohhh, right, so THAT wasn't you. What about the other things Micheal? Hm, tell me, who said all these other things if not you? Barely anyone knew about my family; no one but you knew about the sex-thing."

"Ok, so I said that you were prude and maybe I told someone about your family, and I'm sorry about it, but I was hurt and angry, and-" But he was cut off again.

"YOU WERE HURT? YOU FUCKING BROKE UP WITH ME IN FRONT OF THE HALF SCHOOL AND THEN WENT HOME WITH HER!" Jude screamed at him, not caring any longer about the stares they were getting from the people around them.

"I was hurt, because I did love you, you know? But you wouldn't let me in ever, you wouldn't let me be there for you when something happened. You refused to share your life with me. You never cared much about my needs!" Micheal retorted quietly, looking Jude straight in the eyes.

"Oh, this is rich." Jude hissed disbelievingly. "So now it's my fault? Alright. It's all my fucking fault. Blame it all on me, why not? After all I didn't care about your NEEDS, about your NEED for sex. About your NEED to know EVERYTHING. Damn it, I was dealing with enough back then, I was afraid to let you in. And you know what? It's the best thing I ever did. Because you are nothing but scum, you are a lying, cocky, cheating bastard!" With that Jude stood up and ran away. She headed for the backstage area, knowing that Micheal couldn't follow her there.

Only there she let herself be weak, only there she let herself break down completely. She sank down at a wall, not far away from the entrance to the little stage of the club. That was all the "backstage area" was, a short hallway with two curtains on each end. But it was enough for Jude.

She cried for what felt like hours. Then, when she wasn't sobbing hysterically anymore and it felt like there were no more tears left, she took her journal from her purse and skimmed through the pages until she found the one she had been searching for. It was filled with a few lines, she had written them a few days after her break up with Micheal. Right after she had heard about the lies he had spread.

When she read through the couple of lines again, she felt like crying all over again. But she forced herself to stay strong and write down what she felt. Because this night she had lost her second boyfriend to the lies everybody seemed to tell her. She had been lied to again and if possible, this time it hurt even more.

* * *

Tommy and Ryan were glaring at each other. Ryan wasn't letting Tommy pass him and go to the bar, and Tommy refused to leave the club.

"I need to see her, man. I need to tell her that I love her!" Tommy pleaded with the stony face of the bartender.

"You should have considered that before you made her the other woman. You couldn't have hurt her much more with anything else. Jude will tear herself up about being the other woman, thanks to you." Ryan repeated his former words stubbornly, determined to not let Tommy hurt Jude any more.

"But listen, she's not the other woman. Me and Eden, we're not really together, it's just for the media!"

"Whatever. Jude hates "the other woman" with quite a passion since her father cheated on her mom. Nothing you have to say will make her feel better about this."

"But I love her. I never loved someone like I do love her. I never cared so much about someone before!" Tommy tried, feeling like a knife was constantly stabbing through his heart. He now fully understood how Jude must feel. But he hadn't known about her family. And he felt even worse when he realized, that he had never asked her about it. He had known that something was wrong, but hadn't wanted to push it.

Ryan was opening his mouth to say something, but when a familiar voice suddenly filled the club, he closed his mouth again and turned around to the stage. Now both guys stared at the person they were arguing about.

* * *

Jude took the mic and waited a few moments until the music stopped. Then she breathed in deeply before she began to address the crowd.

"Hey everyone. I'm Jude Harrison and I got a song here for all who had their heart broken before and know how I feel right now. And for all those men who broke these hearts: listen up you bastards!" She whispered the last few words, before she began singing softly.

_**Furtive lies and insinuations**_

_**All designed to tarnish my reputation**_

_**And devised by you without explanations**_

_**Tell me why, why you're spreading all these lies**_

Her eyes found Micheal's and she hold his gaze for a few seconds, conveying all her heartbreak from long ago with this one look. Hoping he'd get the message and leave her alone. Hoping he'd never ever dare to blame her again. Then her look skimmed the crowd, having a feeling like a certain somebody was starring at her. When she found the blue eyes she had been searching for, the ones that were still sending showers up her spine, she looked deeply into these eyes, not leaving them once while she ended the second verse and began with the chorus.

_**I'll try hard to end all this chaos**_

_**But when you disparaged me you betrayed us**_

_**Said we'd be friends until the end and now I'm crushed**_

_**Tell me why, why felt a need to lie**_

_**Baby Lies, they poison everything in sight**_

_**Those who lie can never keep track or take them back**_

_**Baby lies keep messing with your sleep at night**_

_**You never can disguise transparent lies**_

But then Jude suddenly couldn't hold Tommy's gaze any longer, she couldn't bare staring into these unbelievable blue eyes, these eyes she had fallen in love with. So she looked away, not focusing on anyone anymore, trying to fight back the tears.

_**What you said continues to taunt me**_

_**And the way you squander love well it haunts me**_

_**Baby open your eyes and maybe you'll see**_

_**Your heart cries, listen and apologized**_

_**Baby Lies, they poison everything in sight**_

_**Those who lie can never keep track or take them back**_

_**Baby lies keep messing with your sleep at night**_

_**You never can disguise transparent lies**_

_**I got a story you wanna tell about a girl who loved a guy more than life itself**_

_**But he got overwhelmed and undermined himself**_

_**Telling lies, blatant lies**_

_**Baby lies**_

_**Transparent Lies**_

A single tear escaped Jude's eyes and fell down her cheek while ended the song. She sang the last few words, letting her gaze fall one last time onto Micheal and Tommy.

_**Lies, Lies**_

_**Lies, Lies**_

Thank you all for listening."

* * *

Hope you liked it. You know the drill... ;)


	16. 16 Beautiful Mistakes

**16. (Beautiful) Mistakes**

Jude walked into I.O. Records, her eyes onto the floor, trying to avoid making eye-contact with any of the stuff or her friends. She had cried the whole last day, had cried until there were no more tears left and now her eyes were red and she looked like hell. She hadn't cared about her appearance in the morning -frankly she didn't now either – and so now she was now heading for Darius' office in a green oversized sweater and some old pants.

"Morning D. You wanted to see me?" Jude asked after she had first knocked then entered the office. Darius gave her a quick look over and the surprise was obvious in his eyes. Usually Jude wasn't exactly a fashion diva, but she normally wore clothes that hugged her in all the right places and gave her a certain natural grace.

"Everything's alright with you? You don't look so good." Darius asked sounding actually worried.

"Sure, I'm fine. Nothing you should worry about." Jude answered emotionless. She was returning Darius' stare and she conveyed the message with her eyes that she wouldn't talk about what was bothering her.

"Alright then. I think I got something to cheer you up!" Darius said with a broad grin, obviously very happy about something and eager to share it. His earlier shown concern seemed already forgotten. See how quick that goes... "I got a call from a friend of mine at MTV yesterday. He has heard you on your first concert and I send him some of your other songs too and he's very interested. MTV is doing a show about the life of stars and especially of those who are new in the business and not that famous yet. And they want you to be a part of it!"

Jude looked shocked at her boss who was grinning from ear to ear like a little child that has just gotten it's biggest birthday wish. A show? MTV was "interested" in her? _WTF?_

"What?" Was all that Jude could get out while her mind was still trying to process everything.

"Yeah, it's big I know, but I think you could handle it, Jude. You're the real thing and that's rare. This is your chance to get famous before your album's even nearly finished. We're talking here about a entirely different universe. You'd be invited to TRL in New York together with your band, the camera crew would be following you around for 2 weeks 24/7 and they would interview your family and your friends. This is like publicity jackpot and it's great for I.O. too! And most of all, you'll best out Eden and Karma even if your first single would not totally kick their asses!"

"Wow, the real TRL in NYC? I'm gonna be in the coolest show ever?" Jude asked, slowly realizing what a great opportunity this was. She had never heard of anyone getting such a chance before they even realized a first single. Jude stood up and hugged Darius while nearly squealing of joy. This really was totally turning the day around.

Darius was a little bit surprised as he found himself in a tight embrace but hugged the small girl back and patted her back fatherly. He really liked Jude. The fire and the passion she had in everything she did made her music phenomenal. He even enjoyed that she was standing up to him sometimes, because in the end he knew he could make her do whatever he wanted, but sometimes it was better to do it her way too. Not that he would ever admit that.

Suddenly Portia stormed into the office, her smile matching her brother's. She took in the scene in front of her and laughed. Her big brother usually wasn't one to hug his artists, but hell, usually his artists weren't like Jude. She really liked that girl too and loved it how she stood up to her brother and made even the big Darius cave in sometimes. The best was, that Jude didn't even know how seldom that was.

"So I take it you told her?" Portia asked. Jude released Darius quickly turned around and smiled at Portia. "I told you I wanted to be there too!" Portia complained playfully, shooting her brother a half-hearted glare. A few moments later she found herself in an embrace too.

"Thanks you two! You're the best!" Jude said grinning when she sat down in front of Darius's desk again. Portia took the seat next to her while Darius sat down in his own chair.

"Don't thank us, rockstar. It was your music that did the convincing part." Darius replied. "So I guess you should take of the rest of the day. Celebrate, have some fun... and be back in the studio at 10 sharp tomorrow." Jude laughed and nodded, already getting up to leave the office, the excitement and happiness written all over her fac_e._

"Jude... What the hell are you wearing?" Portia asked suddenly. Jude turned around and shot the both siblings a embarrassed look.

"Alright, I don't even wanna know. Just don't ever come in like that when the camera crew is here. Oh, and you should drop by at your parent's home today. They got to sign the contract and you should tell them about the filming and the interviews." Portia finished with a wink.

Jude quickly sobered up and the smile faded slowly. There it was, the hair in the soup. It really had sounded too good to be true.

_Stupid me, haven't learned anything from the last weeks?_

"My parents? Interviewed? Bad idea." Jude stated. Hoping there would be some way around it.

"Why? Do you think they won't like the cameras? Then I hope you can convince them to do this somehow, because it's important. It would be weird if your parents lived in the same town but weren't open for any questions about their daughter who's just getting famous!" Portia said sounding somewhat irritated.

"Oh, yeah. You're probably right. I'll talk to them." Jude said quietly and quickly turned around to leave the office.

"The contracts need to be signed in three days. Tell them to stop by some time in between, alright?" Portia called after Jude's retreatingback. Jude just nodded and headed for the back exit. She needed to think and she needed to be alone right now, the alley was the perfect place to do so.

* * *

(Just imagine a back alley kind of thing like the one at G-Major)

Outside she sat down under the stairs of the entrance, knowing that it was unlikely someone would find her there. (UNDER THE STAIRS LIKE JAMIE AND LIAM IN SEASON 2 EPISODE 7) She had stopped by hospitality on her way out and had stole a bottle of whiskey from Patsy's well hidden supply. And now she was sitting all alone wallowing in self pity, trying to drink up the courage to go to her parents.

_I guess hanging out with Patsy has influenced me after all. But oh well, I'm a rockstar now and life of rock'n'roll is like this. Though it's not like I never drank before, I got wasted at least once a month at "Elvis" since Micheal and I broke up, but there was always Ryan to look out for me. Plus I would never ever have drunken anything while the sun's still up. Oh my god, if my parents knew how much time I've been spending in clubs lately and got drunk there, or what I'm doing right now... Oh, I'd love to see their faces! Well too bad I'm getting my wish soon enough. I can already hear them talking. "You moved out, we moved on." "There you are, crawling back again. We told you so. We're not going to support this new lifestyle of yours. Get a job and move back in with us." As if I would ever go back to them. I'd rather join the homeless under the bridge. Why is it that every time things are looking up, something messes it up again? First Tommy now this. What more do I have to do? I move out and I accepted that my family's not from a fairytale. When can I finally forget them for good? Family, my ass. Hm, if MTV would believe me if I said that I'm an orphan?_

Jude let out a sarcastic laugh and took another sip of the bottle. She had already emptied about a quarter of the liquid and a month or so ago she would have probably been a goner already, but she had gotten some practice while hanging out with Patsy. Whenever she hadn't been in the studio or with Tommy or Angel, she had gone out with SME or Patsy. She had had divided her time in three very nice parts: Studio-time, Tommy-time and Fun-time. Now that one part was gone, she had more time for the fun. At least one thing to look forward to.

"Jude?" A familiar voice reached her ear. She closed her eyes, hoping desperately that she was just imagining this, that there was no one calling out her name.

"Jude, what are you doing down there?" Tommy asked, getting down on his knees so he could get a better look at his secret girlfriend. He spotted the whiskey bottle in her hands right away since Jude wasn't even trying to hide it. He was so shocked to see his Jude drinking like that, that he couldn't even say anything and just starred.

Jude took another long sip, her eyes still closed. "I'm thinking. I'm in deep thinking so don't disturb me." Jude replied shortly.

"When the hell did you start drinking?" Tommy asked still shocked and now angry too. He scrunched his nose when the smell of alcohol got to him. Jude really had had too much to drink, definitely.

"About 15 minutes ago I think." Jude answered, her eyes open now. Tommy wondered how she could still speak clearly. It took him a moment to realize that Jude must have been drinking more regularly if she could just down about a third of a whiskey bottle without being totally drunk.

"Since when do you drink so much?" Tommy asked, half hoping that she'd say it was the first time, since otherwise it would mean that she had been drinking regularly and he, her boyfriend, hadn't even noticed once. But the other half was hoping that she didn't just start drinking, because then it would obviously be his fault. There was no doubt in his mind that she was drinking because of him, because of his lies. It was always him that messed things up in the end.

"I started after I and Micheal were through. Tried to forget about everything every night all over again. Made things easier." Jude slurred a little bit. Leaving Tommy wondering who the hell this Micheal was and what exactly had happened. "And then I started going out with Patsy and with SME. When I wasn't with you that is. Now I'm not with you anymore, so now I'm drinking. Drinking until I can muster up enough courage to go to the house..." Jude trailed off, trying to take another sip of the precious liquid, but Tommy took the bottle from her and stood up, emptying the content to the ground of the alleyway. Jude was quickly out from underneath the stairs too and was now glaring at Tommy.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She yelled, not caring in the least about who heard them and who didn't. Tommy quickly glanced around before he pulled her into some kind of niche where people wouldn't see them right away.

"I'm trying to help you, Jude. You can't start drinking like this whenever things get hard, girl. It ruins people, it could ruin your career." Tommy tried to reason with her, giving her a pleading look, as if he was asking her to stop for him. A few days ago that would have worked. Empathizes on "a few days ago".

"You don't get to tell me stuff like this anymore, Tommy. You lied to me. You had a girlfriend all along. You were never mine. And now I'm not yours!"

"Jude, please don't say things like that. I'm sorry. Eden and me, we're only together for the press. It's just for PR-reasons!" Tommy argued, it physically hurt him to see the tears in Jude's eyes and the anger that was burning there too.

"No, no, no. Don't you dare to try and turn this around. Eden and you are together. You're holding her in your arms, you're calling her your girlfriend. I don't care why. Actions speak louder than words and yours say that she's your "girl", not me. So worry about your "girl" and not about me. From what I and Patsy saw a few weeks ago, she's got more problems with holding her liquor than I do." Jude told Tommy, sounding surprisingly sober. She jerked her hands from his and turned to walk away, but Tommy held her back and turned her around so that she had to face him.

"Don't do this, Jude. Think about it when you're sober again and give me a call, will you? I want to figure this out so badly. I love you, girl." Tommy said, saying it straight to her face for the first time. But Jude somehow missed the importance of this and just shot him a hateful and yet somewhat defeated glare.

"No Tommy. I don't need to think about this when I'm sober. I thought about *nothing* but this when I was sober." Jude cried out loud. Then she suddenly grew quiet and spoke softly, barely more than a whisper. "I need to think about something else when I'm sober again, you know? I need to move on. I can't be the other woman. I just... can't. There's nothing to figure out. You're with Eden and I'm just Jude Harrison, an artist at I.O. Records and your girlfriend's competition. I'm none of your business anymore. And that's it. Let's just forget it ever happened, it was a bad idea from the very beginning. It was a mistake, we were just a beautiful mistake." Jude ended sadly and walked away. Leaving a shocked and desperate Tommy behind.

Both realized that if Jude would stick with her decision there was nothing Tommy could do about it, because they had never told anyone about their relationship. The only one who knew was Angel and she already knew what had happened and that they basically were broken up.

* * *

Jude walked up to her childhood home, feeling more than slightly uncomfortable. She had been practicing all the way in her head what to say, but right now she felt everything slipping away again. Damn Tommy for taking away her alcohol, it would have been a lot easier if she hadn't been so completely sober.

Jude let the door bell ring three times and when still nobody showed up she tried the door, half hoping that it would be locked and no one at home, but she found it being totally unlocked. She opened the door and went into the house, oddly feeling like a stranger doing something very forbidden. And that although she had been living here mere months ago.

"Mom? Dad? Sadie?" Jude shouted into the empty rooms when she walked through the living room into the kitchen. She was just about to contemplate if she should go upstairs and look if someone was up there when she heard a muffled noise from the living room. She walked back into it and only now noticed the blonde hair on the top of the couch. She went around it and saw her sister sitting there, covered up in some sheets, sobbing.

"Sades, is everything ok with you? Where are mom and dad?" Jude asked while she slowly approached her sister, having trouble to put the pieces together. Why was Sadie all alone in the living room, crying on the couch?  
"Jude... everything's so messed up." Sadie said in between sobs. Jude frowned at sat down a few inches away from her sister, eying the blonde warily. She really had no idea what was going on or where her sister was coming from.

_What, no sneering remarks about how I'm "crawling back" to them? Did someone die or what did I miss?_

The last thought quickly sobered Jude up when she realized that that might be it. What if someone had died and no one had bothered to tell her. What if Sadie was this sad because of a death and here Jude was, thinking of what her sister's hidden agenda could be.

"What… what happened?" Jude asked tentatively, not sure if she even wanted to know the answer.

"It's Dad, he's… he's having an affair." Sadie choked and it took her sometime to get out the words, only to cry even harder afterwards. Jude was shocked and surprised for moment, then rational thinking set back in.

_What? That's it? Sadie found out the truth and now she's crying like a child? Oh well, I guess I could have expected that. When I found out I had already known that my family isn't perfect, but the definition of the word dysfunctional. But for poor Sades here it must have been a shock. Like a part of her world carshed down. She was always our parents' little darling. Wait, I wonder if mom knows too…_

"Does Mom know?" Jude asked before she could think about it. It was probably tactless and not the appropriate thing to ask considering her sister was having some kind of break down, but Jude couldn't bring herself to truly care. All she saw was the person who had been trying to make her life hell for years, and it was hard to come up with sympathy. The lack of sympathy for her sister made Jude feel somewhat guilty. After all Sadie was still her sister and who was she to not be able to move on from the past when Sadie was feeling so bad.

"No, she doesn't. I only know because he took me to see her."

"What? He took you to see her?" Jude asked incredulously. This was weird. Why would her dad be so stupid, he must have known that Sadie wouldn't be supportive and say: "Oh daddy, I'm so happy you found someone who makes you more happy than Mom!"

"He said he wanted to pay for a trip to Europe. The summer trip I had been dreaming off. He took me to the travel office and there she was. Acting like there was nothing going on. She was nice and I was nice to her. Stupid me. I should have noticed, the two were so awfully friendly and familiar with each other. But no, I needed to see it in black and white. I saw the note she had scribbled into the brochure she gave us." Sadie explained and finally Jude started to get the picture.

"Does he know?" Jude questioned next, not knowing herself where all those brief questions came from and where the words of comfort she would usually have to offer had vanished to.

"I don't think so. He just left half an hour ago and I tried to act like I didn't know. I think I did a pretty good job." Sadie said somewhat calmer.

"Ok, so far so good. What about mom, where is she?"

"She's at work, I guess. Or running some errands, I don't know." Sadie shrugged and wiped away a few tears. "What are you doing here?" She suddenly asked, obviously only now catching on to the fact that Jude wasn't living at home anymore and shouldn't be here.

"Well, I actually wanted to talk to you, mom, and dad. Something work-related that you should better know about." Jude answered vague, hoping that she could wait with explaining until everybody was in the same room so that she would have to go through the conversation and comments only one time.

"Work-related? Do you need money to break your contract again?" Sadie asked, sounding just like her old self again. This kind of comment was just what Jude had been expecting to hear from her petty sister. Yet she found herself unable to get mad at Sadie. Maybe because she knew that Sadie was only acting and that she wasn't all that tough right now and that she had been crying mere minutes ago. Or maybe she had really stopped caring about what else her family could throw her way.

"No, I didn't come here for money." Jude replied briefly, a tight smile on her lips. "Do you know when our parents can be expected to be home again?" Jude continued in an indifferent tone, trying to not let Sadie hear how annoyed and yet confused she right now was. She wasn't sure why she was feeling differently from what she had usually felt around her sister and was still processing it. Though she wasn't complaining, if her family couldn't hurt her anymore it sure was for the better since that was all they ever did.

"Tonight's family dinner. They should be home in two hours." Sadie answered, a surprised note in her voice. Probably because of Jude's not-so-typical behavior.

"Alright, then I'll see you later I guess." Jude said, nodded a silent goodbye and left the house and her stunned sister behind. She was going to get herself some coffee and think about what the hell was wrong with her and then she'd go back to house, tell her family about the MTV project and head straight for the next bar afterwards. Maybe she should give Patsy or Angel a call… Or the boys. SME would most likely not notice that she had just spent quality time with her family from hell and broke up with her boyfriend. It would be nice to be left in peace for one more night.

* * *

Sadie heard laughter from downstairs while she was standing at the banister, starring down the stairs with a sullen expression. How could everything still be so normal when everything was just... not. How could her father laugh with her mother like in old times, when reality was as far from these old times as possible.

The usually so self-confident blonde took in a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for what seemed like the act of her life. She had spend the last two hours after Jude had left in her room. She had been sitting on her bed, the knees pulled up to her chin, hugging herself, wrapped in a blanket.

It hadn't taken her very long to figure out that Jude must have known about their dad's affair for quite some time. She had wondered how Jude had been able to lie to her mom everyday because she was afraid that she herself wouldn't last through family dinner.

Sadie had also contemplated since when Jude had known. She had come to think, that maybe Jude had known for three years, that maybe her strange and rebellious behavior was their father's fault after all. It would make perfectly sense, Stuart had always been the one Jude had been close to and after she had gotten that whole "May-the-devil-care" attitude and had refused to let any of her family in her life anymore, Stuart had been the one to tell wife and daughter to let Jude be.

Sadie had felt sympathy for her little sister, thinking that she was finally getting her. Glad that there was another person in the world that would get how betrayed she felt right now. She had been about to call Jude's cell, when another train of thoughts had gotten in the way.

If Jude had known that long, why had she kept it from her, Sadie? How could she not tell her? And earlier, Jude hadn't acted very distraught or shocked. She had been more or less indifferent, and she hadn't uttered a word of comfort for her sister. It had seemed like Jude hadn't cared at all about how sad her big sister had been.

By now Sadie was angry with Jude, she once again didn't understand her little sister and like usually she quickly grew tired of trying. Just like when Jude had began to shut her and their parents out three years ago, Sadie wasn't one to be very understanding or trying. No, she was the kind of person who saw things black and white. If Jude didn't want to be nice, so Sadie wasn't either. She didn't care about Jude's motives or whatever.

It wasn't like Sadie was cold-hearted or exceptionally selfish, but the idea that Jude might not feel very great herself didn't came to her once. Or that Jude's cold behavior was just caused by some deep emotional trouble and the snapping remarks were only some simple kind of lashing out to deal with the pain.

Sadie walked down the stairs, a fake smile plastered all over her face. She pushed her hair back over her shoulders and tugged at her outfit. She had chosen her favorite clothes, hoping that they would somehow help her getting through the night.

"Excellent timing, Sweety. We were just about to call you!" Victoria greeted her daughter with a happy smile. Sadie's smile wavered at the cheerful voice, she couldn't help but think about how ignorant her mother was. She really didn't know nothing and everybody else did.

"Why don't you go and sit down already? We'll join you in a minute or two." Stuart told Sadie with another warm smile and Sadie quickly put her "happy-face" back on.

"Sure." She replied and walked over to the dinner table and sat down there. She shifted in her chair several times, somehow unable to find a comfortable position. Or maybe it was just her bad conscience that was making it impossible for her to relax.

"Um, Mom, Dad?" Sadie called into the kitchen, seeing that it was about time that Jude showed up. She suddenly felt bad about not telling her parents. She knew that both of them were upset about Jude's absence, though they never voiced their feelings. For a brief moment doubt crept into Sadie's mind, what if the concern of her parents -and every other sentiment they showed- was just another lie?

"Yeah, sweetheart?" Stuart asked when he and Victoria came into the room, placed a plate in front of Sadie and then sat down too. Sadie hesitated a moment before looking at her mother and continuing to speak.

"Jude came by earlier." Sadie gazed over at her father, trying to read his face before looking back at her mother. But both parents remained calm, not letting Sadie see what they were thinking and it was beginning to drive Sadie crazy when neither of them said something. Why were they trying to hide their emotions? Didn't they care anymore about Jude? Who was their daughter, just like Sadie. If they really could forget about Jude so quickly, could she still take their love for herself for real?

"What did she want?" Victoria finally questioned quietly.

"She wanted to talk to us all. I told her tonight was a family dinner and she said she'd drop by." Sadie summed up, her voice as emotionless as she could make it. For a moment rage flared up inside of her, addressed at Jude. It was so easy in this moment to blame Jude for ripping apart her perfect family. But Sadie knew better, she knew that it wasn't really Jude's fault, but her father's. The feeling Sadie had always had during family dinners, the one of safety and perfectness, wasn't missing because she mentioned Jude or because her sister left, but because now Sadie knew.

"Oh. Did she say why?" Victoria asked before she picked up her fork and knife and started eating again like nothing unusual happened.

"No, she didn't. But it must be something wi-" Sadie began but was cut off by the door bell. When none of her parents made a move to open the door, Sadie stated somewhat surprised while looking at her parents: "That must be her then." Her looks seemed to scream "what is wrong with you? She's your daughter, just like I am!" but neither Victoria nor Stuart looked into her face.

The front door was opened a few moments later and Jude strode into the room, a determined look on her face. She looked at the three people that most would call her family and her eyes lingered on her father just a few moments longer than on the rest. Something that didn't go by unnoticed by Sadie.

"Mom, dad, Sadie." Jude greeted, though her polite voice was somewhat strained. Just like her relationship with the people in front of her was strained, tense to say the least.

"Jude, how nice of you stop by." Victoria said in a clearly fake cheerful voice. Sadie wondered if it was the first time her mother addressed Jude like this or if she just noticed for the first time. During the last minutes Sadie had felt a wave of sympathy for her little sister, for the first time she realized how her parents were acting towards their other daughter. Before today she had only seen Jude, the ungrateful rebel, and had thought that it was Jude's own fault for acting the way she did.

Suddenly the blonde felt guilty for always treating Jude the way she had and for just branding Jude as the one to blame every time. When she now looked up at her sister, she was admiring how Jude didn't show any hurt or whatsoever at her mother's behavior or at the lack of friendly emotions at all. Sadie wasn't sure if she could be as indifferent in the same situation and realized that her baby sister really had grown up.

"Don't worry mom, I won't intrude on this family dinner too long. I wouldn't be here if there had been any other way, trust me." Jude said cold, not bothering to mask her voice and pretend to have different feelings toward the family that had hurt her so often in the past. She took a deep breath before she began to tell what had brought her here. She told her parents about the project of MTV and how big of a chance it was for her and how her family was expected to at least give interviews.

"And why should we agree to that? If I remember correctly you moved out of here and claimed that we weren't your family any longer. Do you honestly expect us to help you pursue this stupid career of yours?" Victoria asked incredulously. She had obviously expected Jude to apologize and ask for their help, rather their money.

"It's not a stupid career, mother. It's my career and my dream and I don't know in how far you've been able to follow me, but when MTV's asking you to participate in a show like that, it means that that stupid career of yours is going pretty great." Jude explained, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Jude, your mother is just worried about you and your well being, just like we all are. You are our daughter and we've seen in the past just how easy you can loose everything in the music business. I know that it's your dream, but-" Stuart began, trying to calm down the situation once again. Terribly failing, how Sadie couldn't help but notice. Though this time she totally understood why anger showed in Jude's eyes as soon as Stuart spoke up.

"You don't give a damn about me, because if you did I wouldn't have been forced to move out to live my dream. Just tell me if you'll do the interviews or not. It would be one afternoon of your precious time and the perfect opportunity for you to show how much you really care. Come on, lying about what a perfect family we are for one more afternoon shouldn't be this hard, you've done it for years!"

Sadie flinched at the icy words of her sister and somehow she knew that Jude wouldn't come back ever again. That no matter how long they would try, Jude was lost for this family. Not that she expected her parents to give in and try to win Jude back, but she had thought about apologizing and trying to bond with her sister again. But from Jude's looks and words she now realized that there would be no reunion with her sister for her. And it was all her own fault.

Stuart and Victoria glanced at each other, the "no" was easy to read from their faces. Jude must have noticed that too, because before they could voice any of their thoughts or opinions, Jude spoke up again.

"I probably should mention that I don't necessarily need you. If you say "no", it won't stop me from doing the show. I'll just have to discuss the matter with my PR-agent and we'll have to see if we settle for me being an orphan, which would be risky since the press wouldn't need long to discover the truth, or if we'll just say that my parent's aren't open for any interviews or questioning. Then the whole town will know that this family isn't anywhere near perfect, but I frankly don't give a damn. I think it'll bother you more than me if your friends ask you about me and why you kicked me out." Jude finished with a humorless grin. Her eyes were hard and she saw with a certain feeling of triumph that she would win this battle. Her parents were too vain and too eager to appear perfect to let Jude tell on TV that their family was dysfunctional.

"Ok, we'll do it. Just tell us when the interviews will be. Only one afternoon!" Victoria said after a few minutes of silence. Jude nodded curtly and turned to leave when she stopped again.

"Oh, and you need to come by I.O. to sign the contracts within the next three days. All of you. Just tell the receptionist you're the family of Jude Harrison and they'll treat you well. I hope I don't need to tell you, not to mention to anyone, no one from MTV nor from I.O. that we're not really on speaking terms. I didn't mention it so far and if you don't I see no reason to make our disagreements public. Enjoy dinner, you'll hear from me." With that Jude walked out the door, leaving the house without looking back once.  
Sadie observed her parents who were both sitting their motionless, starring down on their food, both lost in their own thoughts. Then she stood up quickly and ran after Jude. She didn't know herself why exactly, but she felt like she just needed to talk to her sister.

But when she came outside, she only saw Jude's car pulling out the driveway before speeding away. Sadie looked after her sister for a few more moments before she went inside again and closed the door behind her, heading back to the "family dinner".

* * *

That was it, did you like it? I hope so. Ok, I know you all want Tommy, but that's going to take some more time. sorry^^

Anyways, my birthday's in a few days and I had vowed to myself that I would update most of my stories around my birthday, so here's the update for this one. :)

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews for the last chapter! Keep them coming ;)**


	17. 17 I Need A Job

**_17. I Need A Job_**

Jude entered I.O. Records with a headache, since the aspirin she had just taken weren't working their magic yet. In her hand the familiar tall Starbucks-cup, filled with the hot liquid she couldn't live without at morning.

Last night after she had left her parent's house, she had gone out with the boys and had had drunken way too much. Until this morning she had even completely forgotten, that her birthday was this Saturday. Only four more days! But over everything that had happened, she had totally forgotten about her 18th birthday. The big 1-8. Not that finally being 18 would change much, she had already moved out and wasn't living with her parents anymore and she had a job already too. Actually, she had already everything she could wish for, and those things she didn't have, well age wasn't going to give them to her. Like Tommy as her boyfriend, or like the family she once thought she had.

_Oh well, stop the pity trip already. It's not like you don't have nothing. You're going to be in an MTV show and on TRL; you have an amazing record contract; you got what most people never get: a second chance. You got great friends and you're so going to make it. Without Tommy and without a perfect family._

"Jude, good, I was just looking for you!" Darius called and Jude saw him, standing at the receptionist's desk. She casually walked over to her boss while taking another sip coffee. She noticed that the receptionist was glaring at her and wondered silently just what the hell was her problem before she turned her attention to Darius.

"What's up D?" She asked lightly, trying not to let Darius hear it already in her voice, that she had been staying out way too long. She didn't need another lecture about not doing drugs and whatsoever. She wasn't a junkie or an alcoholic. Hell she wasn't even on her way to getting there. She was just going through a rough patch and needed a way to vent.

"I just had a talk with the project manager of MTV. They'll be here on Friday, and then they'll go through your schedule for the shootings and stuff. Filming will start on Monday, so you can enjoy your first day of being 18 all alone. But it's still three days until friday and I don't want to see you anywhere but in the studio with Kwest until Friday night, alright?" Darius asked while he was skimming over some papers the receptionist was handing him.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds great D. I'm gonna go and get to work then." Jude replied smoothly, glad that he hadn't given her a look over, since she wasn't sure that she was looking very healthy with the dark rings under her eyes. In times like these she wished she was as gifted as Sadie when it came to applying make-up and stuff like that. But she wasn't and she'd just have to deal with that.

"Oh, and Jude?" Darius spoke up just when Jude had turned her back on him. She winced, expecting the worst and turned around, a hesitant expression on her face. Darius grinned at her knowingly and added nonchalant: "I know that you have a reason to party, just please try to keep a low profile and don't stay up too long while the cameras are around, alright?"

"I got cha'!" Jude said and smiled at her manager. She then turned and walked away again, wondering just how a man could have so many different sides. Sometimes Darius was a tyrant and was ordering and threatening everybody around him, then he suddenly was funny and friendly like the long lost father one had always wished for. Jude just wasn't ever able to predict what he'd do next, he always managed to surprise her somehow. But in this case she really wasn't complaining.

* * *

"Hey Kwest, what's up?" Jude asked with a smile on her face when she entered the studio and found Kwest sitting lazily in his chair in front of the soundboard. She dropped her bag carelessly and sat down next to him, smiling at him while she was finishing off the rest of her coffee.

"Morning Jude, how come you're so happy so early?" Kwest asked with raised eyebrows. Jude threw him a confused look.

"Uhm, Kwest, it's nearly 10 in the morning. It's not that early. Besides, I'm about to become 18 in a few days and next week I'll be followed around by a camera crew of MTV. Why shouldn't I be happy?" Jude asked grinning again.

Kwest smiled back, though his smile somehow wasn't really all that convincing. He reached for a magazine that had been placed on the soundboard and gave it to Jude, motioning for her to read it. Two headlines were catching Jude's eyes immediately. She quickly skimmed through the magazine, searching for the respective articles.

**Jude Harrison – a raising star or already on it's fall?**

**Jude Harrison, 17, was spotted in a couple of different night clubs of Toronto last night. She was seen with numerous guys, among others with the whole cast of her back-up band Spiedermans Mind Explosion. Is there more to Jude's and Spied's relationship than we know? What else is there to the new starlet and her inspiring music.**

**What do you readers think about Toronto's newest artist?**

**Lena W., 16: Jude's just what we've needed. There aren't many good female artists out there in Canada and Jude's obviously the one with the most talent. I can't wait for her album! Go Jude!**

**Melanie D., 18: Didn't think Jude had it in her, but it seems like she isn't all innocent in the end. But that's good, you know, I like her music, now even more than before because she's obviously not changing for the media. Show them that one can have fun at night without being a slut and a druggie!**

There were a couple of more comments from various fans, mostly pro-Jude. Many were impressed that she was showing herself in the clubs and claimed that Jude seemed more real than other artists (the names Karma and Eden were mentioned, which made Jude grin).

"Wow. So now I know why Darius didn't rip my head off about how I look today." Jude mused, still stunned from what she had read. She hadn't expected the tabloids to already keep track on her every moves. But there were quite a few photos of her dancing pretty close with other guys and just celebrating.

"You've practically hit publicity jackpot right now, Jude. Most other artists would have been called sluts and the tabloids would have started to wonder whether you'd be doing drugs. Karma and Eden both had to endure that the first time they went out to party. From what I know they still aren't allowed to go out more than one night a week." Kwest added chuckling at the thought of how Karma and Eden must take these news. "And then there's the thing with MTV. I don't know how you did it Jude, but you're on your way to the top before you have even released more than a couple of songs. That's really unbelievable!" Kwest smiled at her now more genuine, but when Jude saw that he still wasn't 100 % happy, she suddenly remembered what had been the second headline that had caught her eyes mere moments before.

**Little Tommy Q breaks another heart**

**It was now verified from nobody else but Little Tommy Q himself, that he and his artist Eden Taylor, 20, are no longer an item. "We've parted as friends and we'll still work together, but we're not together anymore." Maybe the break up brings out the best in Eden and her next song will actually get in to the charts this time. Eden, we're waiting! Well girls, the hunt has started, Tom Quincy's a bachelor, again!**

Jude nearly laughed out loud at this announcement. Eden had been totally dissed by the press while Jude had been called a star with inspiring music. Could this day get any better?

_Well it technically already has, Tommy's not with Eden anymore. Maybe he truly does love me. At least he said so._

Jude lost herself in thoughts, allowing herself to wonder what was or rather what could be if Tommy really was in love with her and if she gave him a second chance to prove it.

"Uhm, Jude? Everything ok with you?" Kwest interrupted her little daydream-kind of state. Jude shook her head, as if that would help to get rid of the thoughts and offered Kwest a small smile while she secretly scolded herself for being stupid enough to let herself even daydream about Tommy.

_He has lied to you. He made you the other woman. He's incapable of loving anyone. He's ruined your life before and you can't let him get to you again. So you made a mistake, but no one knows about it. You can just move on with your life like nothing happened._

She took a deep breath, steeling herself. She had other things to worry about than Tom Quincy. She had a family to deal with and an upcoming birthday party and the whole thing with MTV. It wasn't the time to think about a relationship that had never happened. Nobody knew about it and as long as it stayed that way, she'd be somehow able to forget about it too. Hopefully.

"Sure, everything's great. Let's just get back to work, alright? I think I got a new song to record. It's called "Transparent Lies". It is a little bit different than the other songs, but I think it belongs on the album." Jude explained before she went off into the recording booth and positioned herself in front of the mic. Kwest observed her movements warily and shook his head softly. He knew just too well what was going on with her. He had heard the whole story from Tommy the last night and just like he had expected, Jude wasn't dealing as well with the break up as she was pretending. But he would have to wait until she came to him. He wouldn't force her to talk to him, she needed to want to.

* * *

Angel was sitting in the kitchen of Jude's and her apartment, going through the job offers in the paper. She sighed when she looked at the clock and saw that it had already been half an hour. The problem was that she had no idea what she wanted to do. And she really needed a job, since she wouldn't let Jude pay all the rent. But the whole "finding-a-job" thing was harder than she had imagined.

Before she had come to Toronto she had worked in a CD-shop, it hadn't been a lot money but it had been enough to pay whatever she needed. The problem was that she was pretty sure, that even the half of the monthly rent for this apartment was more than she'd make in three months working full time at some CD-shop.

**Marketing Assistent **_-yeah, right._

**Construction worker** _– uhm, let me think. Hell no._

**Advertising Expert** _– sure, just my idea of a dream job_

**Flower Merchant **_– does one need any qualifications for that?_

_Damn it, how am I supposed to find a job that's well paid without any qualifications or experience? I could always try to go after the "flower merchant" thingy, but I somehow doubt the pay will be much better than selling CDs. _

Angel sighed frustrated and decided to search for a job in an other, more promising way. After all she had only been in Toronto for nearly a month, she didn't know the town well enough and had no connections and whatsoever. Too bad that she hated to turn to others for help with something like this. But she had no choice. And considering she could hardly ask Jude to find her a job, she grabbed her phone and dialed the number of the only person she could even think of asking for this kind of a favor without dying inside.

"Hello big sis, wasabi?" Spied answered his phone in between chuckles. Angel rolled her eyes. It was really sad that she had to ask some as immature as her brother to help her get a job. It was literally humiliating.

"Well LITTLE bro, I kinda need your help. Think you could stop trying to act even more stupid than your band mates and take a moment for your favorite sister?" Angel asked semi annoyed semi pleading. Fortunately Spied sobered up rather quickly and Angel didn't have to go through the hell of talking to an "I'm oh so funny"-Spied. He obviously walked away from Kyle and Wally since their voices grew more quiet in the background and Angel felt a sponateous rush of gratefulness towards her brother, because when she really needed him, he was there for her.

"What's up Ang? Anything happened?" Spied asked, now more sounding like the 18 year old musician, who just finished school, that he was.

"Nothing, exactly. It's just... well, I need a job." Angel said flat out, not in the mood to talk around the problem.

"A job?" Spied asked somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, a job. You know I kinda need money. I mean, sure, Jude's currently paying the rent, but I don't want her to pay everything and I need some money to live off too!"

"Oh, alright, I get it. Did you look through the papers?" Spied questioned, obviously still a little bit surprised that his sister was asking him for help in a matter like this.

"Duh, of course I did. Do you really think I'd ask you for help if I had any other way?" Angel asked annoyed. She didn't exactly enjoy this conversation and would really appreciate it if Spied could just get over the surprise of his and start helping her.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I'm just not used to this. Ehm, let me think. I guess you need a job without any special qualifications needed." Spied trailed off, thinking of possible jobs for Angel.

"Yeah, that's right. I could job at a CD-store or something, but somehow I doubt that will pay the rent." Angel remarked somewhat sadly. She loved working at a CD-store, she loved being surrounded by music and stuff and helping people out finding a CD or whatever they were searching for. It was easy-going and she was an expert when it came to music.

"I'll come up with something alright? I gotta get into the studio now since my producer looks somewhat pissed, but I'll call you back tomorrow, promise!" Spied spoke fastly and said his goodbyes. Angel told him thank you and goodbye too and hung up. She sighed and picked up another paper.

* * *

"Hello, Darius, do have a minute?" Spied asked after he had knocked at the hip hop mogul's office door first and had entered after Darius had asked him in. Only after he had spoken he noticed that Darius wasn't alone. Kwest and Jude were sitting in the chairs in front of Darius' desk.

"Uhm sure, Spiederman. I was just discussing Jude's birthday party on Saturday with these two here, but I guess you can just as well stay here and tell us your opinion on things since you'll be Jude's escort to the party. What's the matter?" Darius asked with his typical grin.

"What? I'll be dude's escort?" Spied asked stunned. "Sorry, I meant Jude's."

"Yeah, Jude here can't come up with a date on her own, so you'll come with her. Or do you had other plans?" Darius questioned with raised eyebrows, his tone clearly telling that Spied better had no other plans. At least none that he wouldn't be able to cancel last minute.

"No, no other plans at all. Me and Jude, it's a date." Spied quickly assured his boss. "What I actually came for, ehm, I was just wondering if you had some job open. Maybe you need a new receptionist or an assistant or something like that?" Spied asked nervous. He had thought about Angel's problem a whole lot and had figured that if Darius had a job for Angel, his sister would be happy and the problem would be solved. Plus the pay at I.O. Records wasn't bad at all.

"What, are you thinking about changing professions?" Jude and Kwest chuckled and Spied blushed. He glared at Darius.

"No, of course I don't. It's actually for my sister, Angel. She's new in town and needs a job and I thought maybe you could give her one." He replied indignantly.

"Sure, now he suddenly got a sister too." Darius mocked with "Yeah, of course, who are you kidding?" looks towards Jude and Kwest who had given up trying to mask their laugher and were now laughing openly.

"Hey, I do have a sister, alright? It's my twin sister and she's currently living with Jude. Jude, stop laughing and tell him!" Spied cried out, by now his cheeks were tomato red and it was difficult to decide whether it was because he was embarrassed or upset about not being taken for full.

"Yeah, he has a sister. It's true, I met her." Jude managed to get out while she was trying to calm herself and failed miserably whenever she glanced at Spied.

"So you're basically asking me if I want a twin of you in here?" Darius asked sounding incredulous. Only the joyous gleam in his eyes gave away how amused he really was with the whole situation. One could be like really sorry for poor Spied – if the situation wasn't so damn hilarious since Spied was totally not getting that Darius was only making fun of him.

"Oh come on, Darius, she's my sister, alright? Just tell me if you do have or job for her or if you don't!" Spied pleaded.

"Angel's alright, D, really. She's older than Spied and way more mature, that I can promise you." Jude told Darius before he could answer. She had finally managed to keep a straight face, though she had to fight like every minute not to start chuckling again. Darius looked first at Spied than at Jude. He shook his head slightly with a smile on his face before he looked at Spied again.  
"Alright, I'm probably crazy and I'll for sure regret it, but you can tell your sister she can start here on Monday. Portia needs an assistant anyways." Darius relented in a generous tone.

"Thank you, that's really totally great of you man, I-" Spied began obviously relieved.

"You will sit down right now and keep your mouth shut and listen to what I tell you about that party of Jude's." Darius ordered and moved right on to the details about the upcoming party.

* * *

Jude entered her apartment, throwing two bags she had just gotten from Portia on the floor. The bags were filled with cosmetic stuff and some plans and catalogs and a lots of other things all concerning the party in some ways. The catalogs for example she would have to look through them until after lunch tomorrow, because then she had to tell Portia which theme of the three possible (or whatever else she had to choose) she wanted.

"Hey, I'm back! And I got some news for you." Jude shouted while she was taking off her black jacket and tossed it carelessly into the hall-stand.

"I'm in the kitchen! And you're right on time, dinner's ready." Angel shouted back just when Jude entered the kitchen.

"Ang, you know you didn't have to wait up for me nor cook for the two of us." Jude told her roommate with a smile while she took a couple of dinner plates out of a cupboard and placed them on the table.

"Don't be stupid, I know I don't have to but I want to." Angel answered, also smiling. Both girls knew that Angel was grateful for Jude taking her in. And for Jude paying for everything Angel needed. Plus Angel was convinced that her friend was

"Alright, then let's eat something, I'm starving." Jude announced as they both sat down. "But before we start, I got something to tell you." Jude added with a knowing grin.

"You. Got. A. Job!" Jude said anxious to see her friends reaction. "At I.O. Records. You'll be Portia's new assistant, starting Monday."

"What? How? When? That's unbelievable!" Angel exclaimed and hugged her friend, leaning over half the table in the process, throwing accidentally a glass on the floor. Luckily it didn't break.

"You should have been there when Spied came into D's office and asked him. I haven't laughed like that in weeks. D was totally making fun of your brother and he didn't even notice. And oh my god, how he blushed. He literally went all red like a tomato. It was great!" Jude told, grinning at the memory of the earlier conversation.

"Sounds like I really do have to thank my little brother. Poor Spied, no wonder he turned out the way he did, nobody's taking him for full." Angel said chuckling. "So, give me some more details." And so Jude began describing exactly just what had happened.

"Why didn't you mention that you were searching a job?" Jude questioned after a while. She did notice how Angel was shifting somewhat uncomfortable in her chair and frowned, slightly irritated with the way her friend was acting. She hadn't wondered about the whole thing before, but now that Angel was acting kinda strange she got curious why her friend hadn't told her a thing.

"Well, I figured you had enough on your plate already. You know, with the whole Tommy thing and you have to deal with your family and work. I don't know, I only realized that I needed a job yesterday so there wasn't that much time to tell you too." Angel tried to reason but avoided eye contact with Jude.

"Wait. Why do you need a job? And why did you call Spied and not me? The real reason please."

"Ok, I know you told me that you were taking care of everything and that you'd pay the rent, but I don't want you to pay for me. I want to pay half of the rent and half of the stuff we eat and drink and just generally need. I don't want you to think that I'm lazy and living of your money." Angel admitted. "Plus I was kinda embarrassed that I couldn't get a job on my own. I mean I tried it at a CD-store, but that would never have been enough money, so I called Spied."

Jude stopped eating and looked over at Angel who was still avoiding looking at Jude. Which was probably a good thing, because Jude had a shocked look on her face. She didn't know what was wrong with her friend. This wasn't like Angel to be embarrassed about something like this and to act this shy and hesitant about it.

Suddenly Jude remembered what Angel had told her about her last years. That she had gone through a hard phase and had been very insecure. Probably it was now showing again, she must be afraid of losing her friends approval.

_I'm a bad friend. I should have noticed, I should have expected something like this. But no, I've been too busy with my own life to wonder how Ang's doing. I need her to know that she can always count on me, no matter what._

"Hey, listen up, alright? You don't need to be embarrassed about anything. And you're not living off my money. Your my friend and you're staying with me because I invited you in and I'd be bored outta my mind without you. I'm the one with the record contract and the very generous boss, so don't you worry about a thing, alright? And nothing, nothing you could do will change anything between us two, yeah?" Jude asked and met Angel's eyes when she looked up. The both girls shared a smile and after a few minutes of comfortable silence they picked up the conversation again, talking about all kinds of stuff.

* * *

So guys, what did you think? I know it's been awhile, but I've been busy with school and stuff. I actually had this finished for some time already, but I wanted to do an update on all of my stories at once. Sadly that will take longer than I thought... so sorry for keeping you waiting :) FYI, I LOVE REVIEWS!!!

Kathy ;)


	18. 18 Part One

A/N this time at the bottom... ENJOY READING! :) Oh and I'm sorry bout any mistakes, I'm kinda to lazy to proof read right now and... well, sorry ;)

_**18... Part One!**_

Jude sat in front of a grand mirror and starred at her reflection. Big blue eyes looked back at her, circled with black shades of mascara and eye shadow. She knew that she looked much older and grown up for an eighteen year old, she also knew that it wasn't her looks that made people say that, but her eyes and the often dead serious look in them.

The blonde sighed and shook her head softly, causing her short, today slighty curly hair to swing around. She wasn't supposed to feel like this on her birthday. This was supposed to be a happy day, a day to remember, the day she finally was an adult. But she had been an adult for much longer than just today.

"Hey sweety, what's with the sad face?" Portia asked from behind and startled Jude who had been lost in thoughts. The older woman appeared behind Jude and smiled at Jude's reflection. "It's your birthday and downstairs is half of the town, waiting to congratulate you. You got nothing to be sad about. And even if you do, here's something that will make that go away too. And there's a necklace to go with it!" She raised two little, sparkling diamond ear rings. "They are worth more than Bolivia."

Jude gasped slightly, her eyes glued to the beautiful jewelry. She waited until Portia had put the necklace around her neck and ear rings were in place, then she took another good look at her appearance and managed a genuine, happy smile.

"That's the way to go. Now you really look amazing." Portia beamed back. "You wanna go downstairs with me?"

"Nah, but I'll just need a couple more minutes." Jude said, not looking Portia in the eyes. The latter nodded and walked out the room, leaving Jude alone.

Jude starred at the door for a few more moments before she closed her eyes and laid her head back.

_Most of these people downstairs must really think I'm the girl who has it all. I have a great career, quite a bit of talent and my boss is throwing me a major party for my eighteenth birthday and MTV is here too. But they don't know me, they don't know about my family or that they aren't here because they are barely speaking with me. They don't know that the guy I loved has just broken my heart and that I'm still picking up the pieces. They don't know that the last three years were hell for me. They don't know that I've barely spend more than two hours in one piece being sober. _

Jude stood up abruptly, knowing that she couldn't wait much longer anyways. She would rather go down and throw around with fake smiles than dwelling on the fight she and Angel had had a few hours ago. The good thing about the party was, that there were enough people to use to hide from the few people she really didn't want to see right now. Angel and Tommy made definitely the list.

* * *

Jude strode down the long staircase with one hand on the banister, one hanging loosely at her side, a wide smile plastered all over her face. Her eyes sparkling in the flashlights of the many cameras. She knew that everyone in the crowd in front of her was now looking at her, that all male eyes were glued to her black and pretty short dress and that the women would admire the jewelry. Alone knowing that would give every girl enough confidence to walk down any stairs in high heels with a big smile.

Darius was awaiting her at the end of the stairs and put his arm around her proudly, presenting her to the press like a piece of meat to the predators. Like a pair of expensive black high heels to a crowd of bargain hunting women at the end-of-summer sales.

"So you finally came, huh? You nearly missed your own party." Darius told Jude, but smiled at her.

"Yeah, sorry bout that. I just needed a little longer than expected." Jude replied casually while smiling at a guy from the press.

"Well, happy birthday Jude. Enjoy the night and this party, it's all for you." Darius said warmly and Jude smiled at him, knowing that this was one of the rare moments when Darius was truly nice and like some kind of father rather than her boss.

"Thanks, I will. This party looks amazing D, thanks for doing all of this for me." Jude thanked the tall black man while they were slowly walking away from the press. Darius released her and now stood in front of her, his eyes friendly looking straight into hers.

"Anything for my favorite rockstar. Have fun and enjoy tonight and tomorrow. From Monday on you'll have no more personal time or what so ever." He added with a smirk. Jude nodded and grinned, knowing that a comment like that just had to come eventually. Then Darius walked away to talk to some other important person and Jude was left alone in the middle of the guests.

The next who appeared right next to her out of thin air were her favorite band mates. All the three of them, trying to hug Jude at the same time, which, of course, led to a very squashed but smiling Jude in the middle of three grinning boys.

"Happy Birthday Dude!" "All the best Jude!" "Happy 18th Birthday!"

"Thanks guys, but if you want to have another concert with me, than you'll have to let me get some air!" Jude laughed. The boys reluctantly released her and beamed at her like the five year olds they deep down still were. "So, where are your dates?" Jude asked and raised an eyebrow while looking around, not seeing any girls waiting.

"Cindy is in the rest room to do something to her nose, I don't know." Kyle answered and shrugged, obviously not too concerned about where his date was.

"Christina said she wasn't feeling too well and left earlier." Wally murmured avoiding the eyes of his friends or Jude's. It was well established that neither of the three liked Wally's girlfriend, who was nothing but a jealous bitch. She was constantly worried that Wally was cheating on her and complained about how he wouldn't spend enough time with her.

"Jeez, she left **already**? The party hasn't even started yet. And how will she know you and I are not secret lovers or anything if she's not there to control you all the time?" Jude asked sarcastically, not having forgotten how Christina had once accused her of stealing her boyfriend.

"Well, you sure took your time to come down since the party started nearly two hours ago. Besides, she's not always like that!" Wally tried to defend his girlfriend, but he didn't sound too convinced either. Truth to be told, he had told her to leave because she hadn't been able to stop bitching about Jude.

Jude just rolled her eyes, but decided not to say anything else. Her eyes wandered from Wally to Spied who had blushed slightly when she had asked after their dates. "What's with you?"

"Um, I, my date… she… couldn't make it." Spied stumbled over the words and blushed even more. Jude looked at him suspicious, wondering why in hell he'd be acting so weird. She was about to ask when she heard Kyle snicker.

"What's so funny?" She asked, looking from one boy to the other. When Spied was now glaring at Kyle and Wally she knew for sure that she was missing something. "What are you not telling me?"

"He doesn't have a date." Kyle blurted out still grinning. "He never even asked a girl. Because he didn't dare asking the only one he really wants." He finished suggestively, obviously hinting at somebody. Spied turned away furiously and walked away, leaving Wally and Kyle behind to chuckle at their friend.

"Who is she?" Jude asked curiously, knowing that Spied usually was so self confident and totally not scared of asking any girl out. But Kyle and Wally both shook their heads simultaneously, refusing to tell Jude the name of said girl. They told her that she'd have to ask Spied herself for that one. Then they excused themselves and went off, searching for Spied.

* * *

Jude made her way to the bar, numerous times stopped by several people wanting to congratulate her and introduce themselves. By the time she had finally arrived at the bar and sat down, she was silently cursing Darius for inviting this many people considering that she had needed nearly 45 minutes to get to the bar.

"One Long Island Icetea, please." Jude told the bartender, for the first time since she had gotten to the party an hour ago not forcing herself to smile or to pretend that she was feeling better than she really did. The bartender gave her a look over and noticed her face and her age as well as the crushed look in her eyes. He sighed and began mixing her drink together.

"Pretty unhappy for your 18th birthday, little one." The not so much older bartender stated while mixing her drink. Jude sighed. Great, now even the bartender thought he knew better.

"Just mix that drink already, alright? You don't know nothing about me so mind your own business. And I'm not little." She added indignantly, knowing that the guy was about two heads taller than her and probably a few years older, but she didn't care.

"Compared to me you sure are. Besides, I never said I knew something about you, I just stated the obvious. You're unhappy."

"And who in hell would compare me to you? You're the bartender on my party so just hand me that drink and shut the hell up." Jude snapped. She took the drink and watched the guy walking away from her. "Great, now I really am officially a bitch." She murmured before she downed half of the glass.

She hadn't yet seen Angel anywhere and was wondering if her friend had even showed up. She couldn't really resent her for not coming to night, not after what they had thrown at each other. She honestly wasn't sure if she even wanted Angel at the party right now.

Angel had confronted her a few hours ago in their apartment, telling Jude that she couldn't go on like that. That had got Jude in full-bitch-mode in no time, if there was one thing she couldn't stand it was people telling her she couldn't do something. They were even before those who told her that she had to do this and that. So when Angel had told Jude that she needed to stop drinking, Jude had snapped and thrown quite a few things back.

* * *

"_Jude, listen, we need to talk!" Angel told Jude while the young singer was packing up a few things before she'd head over to I.O. records to meet with Portia._

"_Sure, what's up?" Jude asked. She had just gotten home from another meeting with the guys from MTV. Yesterday they had gone through the schedule for the next two weeks and she had met the two persons that would follow her around from Monday on. Nick and Rachel, both pretty friendly and likeable. All in all Jude thought that they were two cool guys._

"_You need to stop drinking so much Jude. I know that everything's hard right now, especially with how things went down with Tommy and everything, but this is a dangerous path your about to go down and-" Angel was interrupted by a angry Jude._

"_This is none of your business, but I don't drink much alright? Just calm down and back off." Jude said icily, fighting to keep her voice calm. She had been cautious around Angel during the last few days and had tried to not let her friend – or anyone else for that matter – see that she was drinking quite a lot. _

"_Not much? You weren't sober once during the last few days and you always wake up with a headache – and a major hangover! You even went to that meeting with the guys from MTV totally not-sober yesterday. And this morning, I saw you secretly downing some whiskey mixed with orange juice!" Angel continued determined to make Jude see that this was serious. _

"_What? You went behind my back and checked my bottle?" Jude asked incredulously, realizing that that was the only way Angel could know about the whiskey in the orange juice. _

"_You didn't leave me much of a choice, Jude. You try to avoid me and everybody else all day except for the nights you're out with me or SME and you can drink without seeming suspicious. Even though things are tough right now, you can't just try to forget everything and drink all day long. This could destroy your career and your health, Jude."_

"_Who do you think you are? You don't get to tell me how to live my life or that I'm not dealing with stuff. I deal with all of it every fucking day. I deal with knowing that Tommy's probably already under the next slut and is moving on. I deal with my stupid family. I deal with the pressure of my job and the press and the fact that from Monday on I'll have no private minute for two weeks. I deal with my past and I deal with the fact that I'm a grown up and that I can't afford messing this second chance up. So what if I drink from time to time? I've managed things just fine up to now and I don't need my friend playing parent and telling me that I'm doing wrong. I've been drinking a lot more everyday not too long ago and I proofed that I can stop any day."_

"_I'm not trying to "play parent", Jude. I'm worried about you. __I know how easily one can go from eating a little bit less to eating nothing or how easily one can go from just a few drinks to addict." Angel tried softly, trying to get Jude to see that Angel just wanted to help._

"_I don't need your worry or your help. I don't need anyone, I can make it just fine on my own. And even if I do drink a bit too much, as you can see, I'm able to pull it off. Just because you couldn't control it and because you life sucked, you don't need to try and make mine seem worse than it is. I gotta go!" And with that she had left the apartment, furious and with a flask in her right jeans pocket._

_

* * *

  
_

Jude knew that she had crossed the line, but even though she was aware of that, she also knew that she wasn't able to apologize or to talk to Angel without making things worse. Whenever she thought about it, she felt that anger rise again. It wasn't only directed at Angel, but at everyone and everything. And most of all at herself.

She hated how much Tommy had broken her heart and how it had broken her. How she couldn't stop thinking about the past since she had seen Michael, or how she wondered from time to time how her family-life had gotten this messed up. Only when she had some liquor intus she could forget about everything and dance or fool around with SME. The only other escape was singing, but she couldn't really sing all day, plus writing songs meant reliving everything and just thinking about it even more.

Jude snapped out of her thoughts when the nice bartender walked through her field of vision. She immediately felt guilty when she saw how he looked at her from the corner of his eyes, still looking somewhat concerned.

"Hey." She said quietly but loud enough for him to hear. He stopped and turned to her, a blank look on his face. Jude nearly rolled her eyes, knowing that she would have to apologize before he'd talk to her again. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's just… it's my 18th birthday and everything sucks. My whole life feels like one big mess."

"It's ok. I'm Tom, or Tomtom if you want, and if you need to talk… I would be happy to listen." He said with a half smirk- half smile. Jude really looked at him for the first time. He was tall, taller than Tommy even, had short blonde hair and green, piercing eyes. His smile was cheeky and yet sympathetic.

"Tomtom? So your real name's Thomas, right?" Jude asked surprised. She of course knew that "Thomas" wasn't a rare name and that there were bound to be more than one Thomas in Toronto. Still, it was weird.

"Yeah, long story short, there were too many Thomas' when I grew up and so I got the name Tomtom. It's still better than some other nicknames that were assigned back then." He nodded and grinned, showing off his white teeths.

Before Jude could say anything else Nadia appeared, Darius' assistant/talent scout. She was usually out of town and searched for new talents but when she was in Toronto she never left Darius' side.

"Jude, we need you at the stairs. Darius has planned a little something for you and it's not working if you're hiding out at the bar." Nadia lightly scolded Jude for abandoning her own party but the slight smile on her face balanced that out again.

"Sure, I'll be right over." Jude said, drank the last of her drink and stood up to follow Nadia. But before she left, she turned around again. "Oh and Tomtom, I might just take you up on that offer one day." She winked at the guy and walked away, heading for the center of the party, for the first time truly smiling.

* * *

Jude once again made her way through the crowd, trying to keep up with Nadia. Many faces passed and a few she recognized, others were complete new to her. She smiled slightly, thinking that she now knew how a true celebrity must feel on such a party. She didn't know the half of the present people and yet it felt good to know that they were here because of her – sort of.

Suddenly Jude wore a shocked expression. She stopped in her tracks and looked around. She could have sworn that she had just seen Tommy in a corner not too far from her. But when she now searched for the familiar face, she just couldn't find him in the crowd. She slowly began walking again, trying to tell herself that she must have just imagined him. He couldn't possibly be here. This was an I.O.-party, no one from G-Major would show his face here. Not even Tommy. Besides, he'd know that she wouldn't want him here tonight. They were over after all, even though it still hurt her to even think about it.

"There she is, our birthday girl!" Darius called out in his booming voice, beaming all the attention towards Jude. Jude smiled and stepped into little circle that had formed around Darius and Nick and Rachel, the two from MTV.

"Nick, Rachel, good to see you again." Jude greeted the two.

"Jude here is the latest artist at I.O. records and she has already made me and everybody in the I.O.-family very proud. I'm happy to announce here officially that her first album will be released in exactly four weeks from today!" He paused, giving the crowd time to clap. "How most of you know, Jude will be followed around by cameras from MTV for the next two weeks and within the scope of the whole project, Nick and Rachel here from MTV thought of something to make this night especially… special."

* * *

Ok, so this is a little foretaste of what is to come next for you; it's nothing major yet, but it's what the next, more drama-filled chapter is build on! I just realized today that I haven't updated in like FOREVER. So I sat down and wrote this in one piece. Not yet 100% sure about what will happen next, though I already got a few key scenes in my head so it won't take me to long to write it. It should be up by next weekend, if everything goes as I planned it... Love you guys and your reviews! And if you review this chapter tonight (or for some of you today ;)) and I'll be able to read the reviews tomorrow before school, you'll get extra cookie points, because tomorrow's gonna be a sucky day, like the worst monday in quite some time now... Anyways, thanks for reading and please review and tell me what you think, expect or just anything really. What music you are listening to or whatever xD ;)

Kathy ;)


	19. 19 18 Part Two

Stolen Glances Chapter 19. 18 Part Two

Jude stormed into an abandoned office where nothing reminded anyone of the party that was going on only meters away. On the walls were several framed award certificates and prices, but Jude didn't even see them since she was too busy not destroying anything around her.

She just couldn't believe what had just happened. This was her birthday party, it was supposed to be her best birthday ever. This night was supposed to break through the circle of bad birthdays. She was Jude Harrison, 18, had moved out from her parent's house, had a contract with a major label, a great producer and MTV was showing interest in her. But her boyfriend had lied to her and had made her the other woman, which was why now was her ex-boyfriend. Her best friend and roommate had told her she was an alcoholic and they had had a fight only hours before her party had started. And now the guys from MTV had invited her parents and her sister as surprise guest to Jude's big birthday party and had announced to the whole crowd of guests that they wanted to do an extra feature on Jude and her family and her life as an upcoming star in general. And then, when she tried to escape everyone, none other than Tom Quincy himself had to try and confront her. Well it was his own fault that Jude ran directly past him without even looking back.

"Ugh, I can't believe it. That they had to drop it on me on my fucking birthday in front of whole frigging Toronto." Jude cried out and threw a little package that laid right next to her against a wall. She was breathing heavily and on the borderline to a total breakdown. This night was just too much for her. She had hoped to be done with her family for good and then those MTV people had to mess it all up. She had been happy, kind of and they had had to mess it up.

"Jude, what the hell was that?" Darius asked as he stormed in, taking away the little place of privacy Jude so desperately needed so that she wouldn't explode. Right behind him were her parents and Sadie who had followed Darius and were now starring at Jude like if she was a stranger or something else very disgusting.

"I'm sorry D, I can explain everything, but right now I just can't be in the same room as them." She said and motioned to her so called family. Her words earned nothing but a confused and annoyed look from Darius, urging her to explain everything right away.

"Ugh, alright, I'll explain. My so called family here threw me out. The day before you gave me my own apartment, they threw me out after I told them I was going to sign a contract with I.O. Records. They detest me trying again to have a career as a singer. These… people are not my family, at least not to me. That's the reason I didn't invite them tonight and why I was so worried when you told me I had to get them to sign something and give interviews."

Darius starred at her dumbfounded for a few seconds, then he glanced at the rest of Jude's family, who was looking rather embarrassed. Victoria was trying to avoid eye contact with everyone and looked to her husband, seeking for help. Stuart wore a helpless expression, but when he saw his wife's and Darius's expression he quickly got himself together and talked with confidence.

"It's true, we had our differences, we're not a perfect family. But I truly believe that we can fix this, Jude. Let's try and forgive what has happened, MTV will do the feature on us and we'll grow closer together. Just because you signed a contract, you won't stop being part of this family." The warmth behind his words literally shocked Jude. She gaped at him openly. She couldn't believe what great of an actor her father was. She had always considered him weak and disgustingly for cheating on his wife and abandoning his family and not standing up for his mistress. Now she had to add "exceptional liar" to that list and had to give Victoria a little bit more credit, it probably wasn't all that obvious after all, that he was cheating on her. She never would have thought, that her father would try and spin things like they were a normal family and Jude moving out, or rather being thrown out, was nothing but a regretable overreaction.

_Like the three years before have all been a big missunderstanding, huh?_

"You gotta be kidding me." Jude stated tonelessly. All eyes turned on her. "This is the biggest chunk of bullshit I've heard from you so far. I wasn't a part of this family for the last three years. Me signing that contract and you throwing me out was nothing but the inevitable outcome. Who's supposed to buy that show of "we'll grow together and learn to forgive"? Because I sure as hell don't and if you're not totally thick, you don't either." Jude spat.

"Jude, you can do what you want, but you're still our daughter, and we all know you regret leaving the house and this is your chance to-" Victoria suddenly began, her voice screeching and high, very unpleasant for the ears. But she was sharply interrupted.

"Don't bother, mother. Can't you see that she does not regret leaving at all? And you know what? I get it. When was the last time you treated her like your daughter? When was the last time you said her name with actual affection? When was the last time you or dad even cared about this family, including Jude?" Sadie asked, tears streaming down her face. She got surprised looks from everyone, but she just went on, borderline hysteric and not looking at Jude. "If I was her, I would have left the house long ago." She sobbed audibly. She didn't want to say all those things, but she couldn't stop herself. She just saw the picture of her father and his mistress in her mind and how her parents had treated Jude a few days ago. "And to think I never saw it." Sadie shook her head slightly at that last statement, as if she was talking to herself.

Darius who had watched and listened to the exchange had overcome his initial shock and surprise and was now simply watching the different reactions. He saw with one look that Jude had closed off to her family so completely, that he silently wondered what exactly her family had done to destroy their natural connection as thoroughy as it was obviously the case. But what amazed him even more, was how unbelievably oblivious Jude's parents were to this fact; they acted as if it was a minor argument and he could literally see them patronizing Jude when she told them that she'd sign the contract no matter what. He felt sorry for Jude, having to endure something like this at such a young age. He had a big family and couldn't imagine breaking things off with his parents and his whole family with such… finality. He had seen others being emotional more than scarred for the rest of their life because of bad childhood expierences and hoped that Jude would make it through without breaking.

"Wow, now even my perfect sister has caught on." Jude commented venomously. She couldn't figure out for the life of her why Sadie was suddenly acting all understanding, but she wasn't buying it. When she thought back, her sister and her rarely got along at all and Sadie had never failed to rub it in Jude's face that their parents didn't love Jude as much as they loved Sadie. She had pushed Jude out of her life even before their parents did. So why would she now suddenly take her sister's side? "Oh, this is good. I just wish someone had recorded this moment. Finally one of you sees that the perfects picture totally fake." Jude snorted disdainfully, not sure if she should laugh or scream at someone.

"STOP IT! All of you." Darius interrupted the lovely conversation between the Harrisons. He was sick of watching the accusations fly through the room, every single one with more venom than the other.

"I see that you're not the family everyone thinks you are. The question is, do you think you can get to together for a few days so that MTV can film a happy family or can you not accomplish that?"

"Of course we can do that!" Stuart and Victoria answered in unison, both thinking of all the money they's get and what their friends would say and how jealous they'd be. Ok, the last thought was all Victoria's.

"Yeah right." Sadie said sarcastically and bitter. She couldn't believe how Jude had just lashed out on her. Sure, she had done her sister wrong often enough, but she was now trying to make up for it and didn't deserve being treated like that for trying to do the right thing. Plus she had gotten really excited about that MTV-feature and about the possibility of her on the TV... She was angry that it wouldn't work out now. Nothing seemed to work out for her lately. She wasn't doing too good at the university and was secretly searching for a job. She had just found out that her father was cheating on her mother and that her parents weren't perfect at all. She could have used something to get excited about.

"No. Freaking. Way." Jude said icily after she had heard her parents and her sister answer. She shot them and Darius down with only three words and her tone made clear that there was nothing left for discussion.

"But Jude, Darling, why-" Victoria began in a false caring voice. Jude didn't even let her finish.

"Because." Jude hissed. "Just because. Because there's no way in hell that I'll ever stay with you in the same room, breathe the same air and pretend that you're not what you are. You're screwed up, your problems go so **way** beyond me that I can't even find the words to describe how messed up you are. The worst thing is, that you're all so damn oblivious to it, that you're so convinced to be perfect and flawless and that you're doing everything right in sweeping everything wrong under the rug. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic." Jude looked at them without any emotions showing on her face. Her eyes were hard and her stare piercing and accusing.

"And for you D, there's no chance I'll do it. You can threat me all you want, but I won't pretend any longer. I'm sick of this. THEY make me sick. I'm 18, I'm an adult and I'm my own person. You're my manager and my boss, professionally, you don't get to mess with my personal life." Jude told Darius. Her voice was controlled and business like now, but her eyes were silently pleading with him.

Darius had seen enough people crack under pressure and stuff to know that Jude was walking on the edge already. The though girl that could take everything simply wasn't able to pretend like she still belonged to her family. Normally Darius would have somehow made her obey and act for the cameras, but he felt a pang of sympathy for Jude and just couldn't bring himself to do it. It wasn't that essential for her career anyway. Not important enough to risk breaking one of the most spirited girls he knew. He had signed her because of her emotions, her honesty and her fire; who was he to try and take her what made her this special?

Darius and Jude starred at each other, none backing down, while the rest of the Harrison family was just standing there, unsure what to do next. They felt left out, like they had no power over what was happening next. Neither of the three liked that.

Though Sadie was sad because she knew that she had lost her sister for good and even though she was angry about the way Jude had just lashed out at her, she still knew that she'd miss her little sis in the future. Victoria and Stuart though were simply angry about not being included, angry that Jude was once again deciding over their heads. She was supposed to be the kid. Stuart who had once felt guilty for cheating and who had once been softer towards Jude because of that guilt, had grown more confident over the last years and had decided, that he wasn't to blame. He was keeping his family together and still managed to keep Yvette, so he didn't see what was wrong with his actions. Therefore Jude had no reason to act the way she did and he had convinced himself that Jude was just trying to mess up his "perfect" life. Deep down he knew the truth, but he had learned to ignore. Igoring was easier than dealing with the guilt.

"Alright." Darius said and broke eye contact with Jude. He turned now to the rest of the family.

"Alright?" Victoria echoed. Stuart just looked confused and Sadie's face didn't betray her emotions. Jude looked away, so that she didn't have to look at her so called family any longer.

"Yeah, alright. There will be no extra feature. I'll talk to the producers and say that you're all not comfortable with going public like that this soon in Jude's career. You'll still have to do the interviews you agreed to do and I expect you to go along with this excuse. Understood?" Darius told mainly Victoria and Stuart, his tone holding this certain authority that he was so infamous for in the business. Jude's parents just nodded dumbfounded, not used to being treated like that. "Good, now I'd appreciate it, if you could leave me and Jude alone."

"Talking about leaving, I don't want to see you on this party any longer than absolutely nessecary, so I'd suggest you go out there tell someone you're not feeling well or that you have business to attend to or whatever, I don't care, just get out of my life." Jude said, her back still turned on her family, when she heard them exit the room.

"Actually, it would probably really be best if you'd leave now." Darius told Jude's family only a tiny bit politer when they all froze at Jude's disrespectful words. Darius frowned when they left and turned to Jude, his frown showing his worry for Jude as well as his slight anger at her for acting like this towards her family. What really annoyed him, was that she hadn't told him what was going on, and that she had been able to play nice at the party but wasn't able to be at least to a certain point polite now.

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh? You'll have cameras following you around two weeks, you need to control yourself better." Darius spoke quietly, trying not to criticize her too hard. He needed to say it, but he knew that even though she was putting up a tough front, she was still only human and only 18.

"Harsh? You know what's harsh? Being constantly treated like a burden for over three years. They just didn't bother to care all those years and now they act as if it's MY fault. I wasn't in school more than five days last school year, the headmistress called about half a million times, and they didn't even bother to call back, except when they thought it was about Sadie. They didn't punish me. They bought me a car in order to keep me satisfied and just blatantly ignored me the rest of the time. When they threw me out, they showed the first sign that I even existed for them in years. And I swore to myself that I'd never ever pretend everything was fine ever again." Jude retorted passionately. She hated, that it still hurt. That their parent's fakeness and words still got under her skin. That she had been about to lose her temper just because her parents had been in the same room. She hated that Darius now knew, and the pity she'd most likely get.

"I'm sorry, Jude, that you had to-" Darius started but was cut off.

"Save it, Darius. I don't need to hear it. I don't WANT to hear it. My family sucks, big deal. I'm over it and I'm perfectly fine as long as I don't have to pretend otherwise." She took a deep breath and gave Darius the sweetest smile she was capable of. "I got a party to attend and host, so if you'd excuse me now." With that she left the room.

* * *

Jude felt cornered. She stood in the middle of the party, and since she was the host, she shouldn't feel threatened or cornered, but hell she did. She had now run into Tommy two times and had only barely managed to escape, and now there he was again, starring at her insistently from her left. He had given up trying to approach her and had obviously decided to wait until she'd come to him willingly. Jude had to admit that his starring was bothering her immensely.

Another person she knew to be somewhere to her right was Angel, she had eventually shown up and had witnessed an upset Jude storming out of an office which still contained Darius, their mutual boss. Jude suspected, that Angel had seen her family leaving only minutes before Jude had. Her roommate had most likely followed Jude, her family and Darius after Jude's swift exit from the party and had overheard parts and bits of the not so silent discussion inside the office.

Jude didn't know where to go. She couldn't leave yet since she was still supposed to perform a song or give a speech or something like that. But she really really didn't want to have to talk to Tommy either. She knew herself too well to be sure that she'd not cave in if he apologized once again. Frankly, she just didn't want to deal with everything concerning Tommy, she had done a pretty good job running from it so far, why stop tonight?

The problem with Angel was, that Jude felt guiltier for her outburst earlier in their apartment by minute and that she just didn't know what to say to her best friend. She knew she should apologize, but she also knew that her anger and temper would rise again the minute she was alone with Angel. Even though she knew that Angel had had a point, Jude just couldn't help but being stubborn and upset about her best friend criticizing the way she lived her life. It was like a knife in the back for her.

Jude really took a look at her surroundings for the first time, after having just kept on walking through the crowd for some time. She found herself standing nearly right in front of the little stage. Just like that, Jude knew what she had to do.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. But hold back on those old rotten tomatoes yet, I have an excuse. Sort of. First, of the last four weeks, I was nearly two full weeks ill which meant a lot of school work piling up that I had to catch up with. Then I had the first good idea for a novel of my very own in over a year and I naturally got excited about it. BUt the initial excitement has worn off now so that I'm actually capable of doing both, updating my ffs and writing on my new novel-project. Though you wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to properly write in german after only writing in english for over a year (school doesn't count as writing)... Anyways, the next chapter will be up during the next three weeks, hopefully. actually it should be up around the 11-13 june, so in about three weeks, because one week I'm gone to Dublin with my year and this friday I have a very important math exam (the last for this term) and I'm already scarred to hell. Or no, I'm not scarred, I just have a very healthy respect for that exam... which means I'm totally going to fail if my fortuna can't do anything to help me out. Lol, enough ranting for now.

_**Responses:**_

**d0esn'tshutup**: Sorry that the Tommy&Jude thing is still not solved in this chapter, but there'll be more about them in the next chapter. This is more filler-ish I guess, but it's important for the big picture that Darius knows.

**shadylady21**: Thanks for the review ;) And yeah, Tomtom's going to be making a few more apprearances, though I haven't quite decided how important he'll be in the end. Truth be told, this story's getting a little bit outta hand, but I guess that's normal. And the planned ending's still the same, so...^^

**Jenn6891**: thanks for picking up on that, I corrected it ;) Sadly I'm still not having a beta for this story so there are too many mistakes I picked up just by skimming over some parts yesterday. Some day, hopefully in the near future, I'll have to take the time to sit down and read through this story again and get rid of the few mistakes I pick up on... Anyways, thanks for the review and I love new readers^^

**mjelaine**: Hope you haven't gone crazy yet ;) Anyways, I'm sorry, I started writing this chapter right after I read your review (which reminded me of how bad I've been for not paying enough attention to this story) but I then had another idea for a totally original novel and got excited and just had to write all the ideas down... So I only got around to finish this now... but the next chapter will be up sooner, I promise!

PS: Maybe, if I get nice reviews, I'll skip studying this week for some time (which I'd gladly do;)) and post some teasers for you :)


	20. 20 Teach Me How To Live Broken Hearted

Last Chapter: Visitors: 141, Reviews: 5

**Sorry guys about the long wait. I truly am sorry. I wish I could say I didn't have the time, but I had quite some time on my hands lately. Truth to be told, I've been caught by some really good stories on and I had some personal stress. Still I have rewritten this chapter twice. Still not happy with it, but it's gotta do it for now. The problem with this story is, that I have many ideas and scenes already in my head, but I still have to make them fit together. It's like puzzling. Anways, here goes chapter 20... :)**

* * *

20. Teach Me How To Live With A Broken Heart

„Hello everyone. As most of you should know, I'm Jude Harrison and I wanted to thank everybody for coming tonight to celebrate my 18th birthday. I also owe a big thank you to Darius, my manager, for throwing this amazing party and for supporting me with everything. I just hope that he'll forgive me for what is about to come next." Jude paused for a short laugh and the guests quickly picked up on the joke. Though smiling like it was nothing serious, Jude rather avoided looking into Darius' direction.

"I want to premiere a new song tonight, one I never have performed before. So you'll be the first to hear it. And while it's a more serious song and probably not what anyone expected since this is a celebration party, I think that with getting older one just begins to think more about life and love and all that rubbish. So here it goes, Teach Me How To Love, my newest ballad.

_**Teach me how to love,  
Show me where I stand **_

Jude closed her eyes, letting all of her emotions show in her voice. It was easier not to look into the crowd anyways, lesser chance of meeting someone's eye she'd rather avoid.

_**Catch me when I fall  
Pick me up again  
Teach me how to feel  
When to take a breath  
How do people heal,  
when they're scared to death. **_

At that she opened her eyes again and found herself staring directly at Tommy. He stood now nearly right in front of the stage and his eyes had been glued to her all night – and both knew it. His stare seemed to even intensify now, that Jude continued singing while looking at him. A shiver ran down her spine, but she kept her stare firmly trained on him, after all she was doing this to get a message across.  
_**  
Teach me how to love,  
when the sun turns to rain  
How to give too much,  
Without expecting back the same  
Teach me how to love,  
when I've lost my way  
How to not give up  
When I wanna run away  
Teach me how to love**_

Jude couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't keep staring at him. She had to fight getting lost in his eyes all the time and she doubted that if she kept looking into his blue eyes for another minute, she'd be able to break away ever again. And she'd most likely do something terribly stupid. So she averted her eyes, having to use all her will to force herself to do something that felt so… wrong.

Just when her eyes had left Tommy's face, she spotted another familiar face that she couldn't bring herself to just graze over. Angel.

_Now isn't this good timing? While Tommy definitely takes the cake for being the inspiration to this song and Micheal comes in a close second, Ang's right now the clear third. _

_**Give me room to fail  
Let me make mistakes  
Help me mend my heart  
It always seems to break  
**_  
_**Teach me how to love,  
When the sun turns to rain  
How to give too much,  
Without expecting back the same  
Teach me how to love,  
When I've lost my way  
How to not give up  
When I wanna run away  
Teach me how to love**_

_**Love...**_

_**Love is the answer they say  
But it's hard to find it**_

_**I...  
**_Jude's eyes now settled on Darius after having scanned over the crowd for a few moments. Just like she had expected, her manager didn't seem to be very happy with her. In fact, he seemed to be rather furious. He had told her before to not ever perform a song without her producers ok and that meant without his ok, because both knew he had told Kwest to always inform him about her work.

Suddenly Jude was very glad that she had chosen to perform this song rather than the other she had written the night before. This was definitely the better choice.

_**I won**__**'t get out of my own way  
Till I fall deep inside it **_

_**Teach me how to love,  
When the sun turns to rain  
How to give too much,  
Without expecting back the same **_

Jude met Angel's eyes again and felt like a weight was lifted from her heart when she found her friend smiling back at her. Just like that, she knew that she was forgiven. She really couldn't wish for a better friend._**  
Teach me how to love,  
When I've lost my way  
How to not give up  
When I wanna run away  
Teach me how to love**_

Thanks for listening. Hope you have a great night, party like there's no tomorrow." Jude quickly finished and left the stage while the applause was still echoing through the room. She was actually heading for Angel, suddenly able to say that she was sorry about her harsh reaction earlier.

But she didn't exactly get through to her friend. Someone intercepted her. And who else could it be, but Tommy?

"Jude. Do you have a minute?" Tommy asked after he had grabbed her arm and made her stop walking in order to get her attention. She turned to him, briefly locked eyes with him, then averted her eyes again, trying to avoid any further eye contact.

"Um, actually I was just searching for Ang, you know, I gotta tell her something-" Jude started hastily. Singing a song and trying to make him understand it was a whole other thing than talking to him directly, being near him. Touching him. Or well, he was touching her, but she could still feel her skin burning where he had held her just seconds ago.

"Please. We need to talk." Tommy pleaded quietly, his face serious and yet vulnerable. And before either of them knew what was going on, Jude found herself nodding her head resigned. Tommy smiled at her softly, happy that she wasn't fighting him any longer.

He took her hand and led her away from the crowd, during a few hallways and into another abandoned office. There he closed the door behind her, then sat down on a desk and just stared at Jude, who was shifting from one foot to another uncomfortably.

"Didn't you say you want to talk?" Jude asked finally, her voice weak and quiet.

"Yeah." Tommy confirmed, smiling slightly at how nervous she looked. "For starters about that beautiful song you just performed. Who was your inspiration?"

Jude arched her eyebrows, giving Tommy a "are you serious?"-look after she had gotten over the first shock. When he didn't react and just kept his eyes on her, still waiting for an answer, she rolled her eyes, suddenly not nervous anymore. Or at least she was capable of hiding it better.

"It's about this girl I know, she lost all of her trust because her family's total crap and now she doesn't know if she's still capable of love. You know, the typical cliché sad story, always makes good press." Jude said with a straight face, her eyes challenging Tommy to call her a liar. Both knew what she said wasn't true – or at least not the whole truth. When he gave her THE LOOK, clearly saying that he wasn't buying any of it and that he was getting annoyed. Jude sighed and rolled her eyes.

"No seriously Tommy, what did you expect?" Jude cut him off before he could say anything. "I think it's plain obvious who my inspiration was. So why are you asking? Do you want me to admit that you hurt me badly? That I was dumb enough to let my guard down around you – again- and that I was let down even worse than the first time around? Three years and I'm still the fool." Jude laughed bitterly.

"Don't say that, you're no fool. It's my fault and I know that." Tommy replied irritated, annoyed with the whole situation. He hated to hear the bitter tone in Jude's voice and it physically hurt him to think that it was his fault she felt this way. She deserved so much better than him and yet he couldn't stay away, couldn't leave her alone. "I just want you to listen to what I have to say, Jude. I know I shouldn't have lied to you, I should have told you about Eden. But it's different than you think, she's not my girlfriend, never was. It was merely for PR reasons, EJ's idea actually. I was pretty much forced into it. And when you came along, I didn't know what to do, I don't usually feel that way about anyone, girl. I handled it all wrong, but I never meant to hurt you. I love you, you have to believe me that. I really do love you. I'm in love with you!" Tommy pleaded, trying desperately to make her understand, to make her believe him.

"I know." Jude whispered, tears shining in her eyes.

"You- you know?" Tommy asked perplex, having expected just about anything but this. He had been so sure that Jude believed that he didn't care about her, that she was heartbroken because she thought he didn't love her back. He had hoped that once he could make her see that he did love her, he'd have a chance to win her back somehow.

"Yeah, I believe in you in that matter. Even though that's probably stupid too." Jude added dryly. "The thing is… It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters! I told you I love you, straight to your face, I haven't done that and meant it since I was-" Tommy started but was interrupted.

"So you love me, Tommy. That's good to know, really. But let's get the facts straight. You lied to me. You made me the other woman without even telling me. And you didn't actually tell me to my face that you loved me, until after we broke up." Tommy winced at her harsh words and the "we broke up"-part.

"Fact is that actions speak louder than words. And while I want nothing more but to forgive and forget, I'm afraid I'm not even sure if I can manage either of that. I'm trying to forgive you, but it's not easy. You betrayed my trust and I don't trust easily these days." She paused. She looked at Tommy more closely and felt a pang of pain and guilt rush through her, when she noticed the dark circles around his eyes and the torn and desperate look he wore. She really wasn't out to hurt him right now. She just wanted to prevent herself from getting hurt. "I can forgive you Tommy, I think I really can, because I know that you loved me. But I can't forget. I can't just move on like nothing happened. That's why it's easier for me to pretend it never happened. Because acknowledging it, I'd have to admit that I can't get over it, as much as I want to. You broke my heart because I let you and now I've got to pick up the pieces – and I gotta do it alone." She stood up and walked to the door, leaving a stunned and shocked Tommy behind. This conversation had gone so totally different in his head. He saw how she stopped at the door, her back turned to him. For a millisecond hope rose inside of him. But it was quickly crushed.

"I forgive you Tommy and maybe someday we can be friends and just leave it all behind, but for now… I can't be around you and pretend nothing happened. And when I can't pretend, I'm falling apart. And when I'm falling apart, well, then I'm not moving on." Jude stopped, subconsciously realizing that she was starting to rant. She took a deep breath and spoke slowly but insistently. "So please, let me go, let me move on. Don't fight for me. That's the only thing I'm asking you for." Jude bit on her bottom lip, opening her mouth to say something else, but then close it again and slipped out of the office.

"Hey Jude, where were you? I've been trying to find you all night." Angel called out once she had finally spotted Jude and had made her way to her friend.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Tommy wanted to talk." Jude replied distracted. She wasn't feeling too good. This night had been a lot for her nerves and she was tired of it all. She just wanted to get home and forget about it all.

"Oh, shit." Angel's face fell, quickly catching on that their "talk" hadn't been good at all. And from what she knew about Tommy, he had probably gone and said all the wrong things. Angel really hated the guy for what he did to her best friend and she felt bad for having encouraged Jude all this time before. She was also sure that Tommy was the reason for Jude's new drinking habits and the reason for her moodiness… hell he was the root of everything bad, if you asked Angel. "What did he do now?"

"He did nothing." Jude said with an emotionless laugh. "Nothing except telling me that he loves me and that he's sorry."

"That idiot, as if anyone would believe him-" Angel started, prepared to go into a rant à la I-hate-Tommy-and-you're-much-better-off-without-him.

"I do." Jude told her friend quietly.

"Yeah, I- wait, you what?"

"I do believe him. He says he loves me, he said it before by the way, and I believe him."

"But… I don't get it." Angel said after a few moments of silence, she was now totally confused and slightly irritated by Jude's calmness. Though she looked distressed, her voice sounded calm and collected and so not I-had-just-an-encounter-with-my-ex-who-broke-my-heart.

"He isn't a coldhearted bastard, Ang. He's… just a guy. A really messed up guy. And I believe him that he thinks he loves me, I even believe him if he says it's the first time he feels that way about someone in ages. And I know he's really sorry."

"So are you… back together? You just forgave him like that?" Angel asked incredulously, not sure whether her friend had gone completely crazy or whether she was dreaming.

"I did tell him that he's forgiven. But we're not back together. I told him to move on and that we can't be around each other any more because it hurts too much." Jude now explained impatiently. "And now I'm going to go home and sleep till Monday. See you at home."

Angel was left speechless, looking after Jude who was quickly disappearing in the crowd.

_What the hell just happened?__ Damn it._

She sighed and started to look around for her least favorite person in the world. Tom Quincy. Cause if Jude wasn't up to telling, Angel would have to beat the truth out of Tommy.

Five minutes later Jude stepped out of the building in which her birthday party was still going on. She had left through the back door, hoping to avoid any reporters who had nothing better to do than hang around the front entrance all night. She smiled when she found the small street completely abandoned. Now she only had to find a cab and nothing stood between her and her bed anymore.

_Or maybe I could just walk. It's a few blocks, but I could use the fresh air. _

"Jude, is that you?"

She quickly spun around only to see a familiar figure closing the back door behind him. A smile crept on her face and she found it to be a genuine one. "Hey Tomtom."

"Whatcha doing outhere?"

"Going for a walk. Actually I'm heading home early."

"Care for some company? Cause I'm done for the night. I don't know why, but you just look like you got a lot on your mind. Besides, it's late and a beautiful woman like you shouldn't be walking home alone. And I just love a good story."

"Sure, why not, since you're so worried about my safety." Jude mocked his words but grinned at him friendly. "But I'm not telling you a single thing."

"We'll see about that, now won't we?"

"Right. Now let's get going before someone else who knows me decides to call it a night."

Tom Quincy watched two people walk away in the night through a little window. He saw the girl smile and laugh while the guy told a obviously very funny story and put his arm around the girls shoulders. Tom's hand clenched around the glass of champagne he was holding, nearly squeezing it too tight.

He had no idea who this guy was, but he hated him already with a passion because he was taking Jude home, because he was making her smile. "Damn it."

A knock on the door interrupted his daze and he turned around to see who was disturbing him now. Darius Mills entered the small office.

"T, what ya doing in here? Hiding from a party? That's not the Tom I know."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not hiding. What do you want?"

"Just wanted to chat. Catch up and talk 'bout the good old times."

"You never just want to chat. So cut the bullshit and get to the point."

"Alright then, have you thought about my offer? I figured that since Georgia signed the papers today, you might have changed your mind. G-Major's going down. Couple of weeks and you'll be out of work, cause if I remember correctly Jason, your boss-to-be, doesn't like you… much. And since your contract's ending in three weeks anyways…"

Tommy didn't even flinch at the revelation. He hadn't known what was going on before, but he had expected that Georgia would crack sooner or later. Besides, he had other worries right now. And he really had thought about Darius and his offer, just not for the reasons Darius thought he did.

"Actually, I did think about it. I'm in. Under one condition."

"Which would be?"

"I want Jude."

"Alright. You'll produce Jude, but you'll also start recording again yourself."

"In due time."

"Great. I'd say we got something to celebrate, let's go find some champagne."

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_**Responses:**_

**Mjelaine**: Thanks, yeah, I'm hoping that they don't end up hating each other either, and while I disliked Sadie in the first seasons, she has grown on me.

**d0esntshutup**: Yeah, the next chapters will be filled with some drama and stress, especially with the MTV-crew there... And I can promise you that things with Jude and Angel will be back to normal very soon. And about Sadie... well, she's doing progress already and she'll catch onto things soon enough. It'll definitely not be the last you hear of her ;) And I'm SO SORRY for the long wait.

**Just Another Jessica** & **Princesakarlita411**: Thanks for the review and feel free to leave another one like right now, when you've finished reading this ;) :D

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Next chapters gonna be hectic, the MTV crew will be there and add some extra tension... as if this story needs it :D cause Tommy's not going to just sit around and do as Jude tells him to. And then there's Darius who's got the one or the other surprise for Jude.

yours truly

Kathy


	21. 21 Big Brother's Watching

Last Chapter: Visitors: 97, Reviews: 3

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Responses:

**Princesakarlita411**: thanks :) :) Hope this is soon enough ;)

**geminigurl89**: Yup. That's right and if Tommy didn't fight for her and just left her alone, well that would be one boring story to write ;) Anyways, Yeah, Tommy will be her new producer very soon and things will get interesting from then on. Shay will come into the mix and Angel's going to be working at G-Major too. And then there's the camera crew following Jude around. *full of anticipation here* However, thanks for leaving a review ;)

**mjelaine**: Well, about Tommy and Eden, they are broken up already (remember that newsarticle a couple of chapters ago?) and when Tommy's contract is running out, he won't be her producer anymore either. Which will be the case in a couple of weeks. And about what Jude will do when she finds out Tommy's her new producer, what you said wasn't bad: It'll probably b funny or dramatic... and it will be definitely all filmed ;) Yeah, I always loved that song too, the lyrics are awesome :) Thanks for leaving a review :)

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So guys, here's another update,** not even a week** after the last, isn't that great? Haha, yeah I'm proud of me too, especially since I'm already half way through the next chapter. You know, thinking about it, I think I deserve a couple of reviews for the progress, don't you think?

I'm planning on updating every week from now on. Or well, I dream about being able to do just that, but who knows, maybe it's time that dreams come true. Ok, I'm rambling, sorry. But I'm a little bit nervous. My first driver's lesson is in exactly 2 hours and it's raining like there's no tomorrow. And did I mention that I'm nervous? Cause the person I despise the most will most likely be sitting in the back seat and wait for her turn while I'll try not to drive over someone. -.-

**Nuff about me and my paranoia. **

**Enjoy Reading and Review! ;)**

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_**21. Big Brother's Watching**_

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Jude woke up and had a smile on her face. That was a rare occasion, she usually never smiled before she had her coffee in the morning. She hated mornings. But somehow, today, she felt good, excited.

_Today's gonna be a good day.__ Today's gonna be a good, good day. I just know it._

And then she jumped out of bed, got ready and greeted the camera team at the door with a broad smile and lived happily ever after…

NOT.

Jude groaned. Today was Friday, the fifth day of being followed around by cameras all day, and she already couldn't stand it. What had began as a adventure and fun, had turned into pure torture. Did you ever try to smile and look good all day, 24/7, no matter what life was throwing your way? Did you smile while the coffee was too hot and burned your tongue since you drank it too quickly? Did you try to just laugh it off, after having tried 13 times to nail that damn song and haven't gotten it nearly right because you were too **distracted**? Did random people you never even talked to before, those who usually just looked you up and down and pursed their lips, suddenly show up and expect you to be nice to them because a camera was around and they wanted to get on MTV?

_Yeah, you did? Well then let me welcome you to hell.__ It's a dry heat, isn't it?_

The door bell rang. Again. For the third time this morning to be precisely. Jude glared in the direction of the front door, before she finished the rest of her pop tart and walked over to the door. She checked her appearance one last time in the mirror and put on a nearly decent smile.

_Ok Jude, you can do this. Just open the door. Get it over with. In ten hours you'll be free again. Maybe in nine, if you're really lucky. Ugh, I'm so gonna kill Darius once this is over. Two freaking weeks. Who does he think he is?_

"Hey guys! Sorry for the wait. Come on in, breakfast's ready!" Jude greeted her own personal camera crew. It consisted of three guys: Pete, Jack and Rico. All in their early twenties and looking awfully awake for nine o'clock in the morning.

"Thanks, it's really great that you're letting us have some extra breakfast every morning." Pete said grinning happily and then he was off to the kitchen. Jude sighed and closed the door behind the other two. Pete was the only one of the three who was married. And from what Jude had heard from his wife, she was a boring bitch and worse when she PMSed… which she seemed to do every day if you asked Jude. And so, naturally, Pete had a healthy appetite in the morning when he rang at Jude's front door. Whoever said that only woman eat crap loads of food out of frustration haven't had much to do with poor married guys like Pete it seemed.

Anyways, Jude had quickly found, that if she fed the crew in the morning, she could sometimes even negotiate some alone time during the day.

"It's no problem at all Pete, I'm happy if you're happy." She called and settled on the couch, watching another rerun of Gilmore Girls while the guys were eating in the kitchen.

* * *

"Hey Rockstar, how ya feeling today?" Kwest asked when Jude entered the studio. She gave him a genuine smile, cause this was the first morning all week that her camera crew wasn't around. They were in the conference room, interviewing Jude's family. One of the reason she wouldn't leave the studio until the guys came to tell her that the interviews were done. Because until then, she could theoretically run into her parents or her sister. Yeah, not so much what Jude wanted to do with her free hours.

"I'm great. Did you go through my textbook and chose another song?" Jude said over her shoulder while throwing her bags and stuff on the little couch. Kwest had asked her two days ago to give him her notebook where she wrote all her lyrics in. He had claimed that the album needed a certain something and that he was sure to find it in the book. Jude had just shrugged and agreed, though she usually didn't like people reading through her stuff. But then again, this was Kwest, her friend and producer. She trusted him.

"Yeah actually. I was searching for a song, rather a ballad, that wasn't anti-love. Don't give me that look, I knew that if I told you, you wouldn't hand it over just like that."

"Geez, that changes it all. Now that you only told me afterwards, I feel much better." She said annoyed. Then she sighed, knowing that Kwest was only doing his job and wanted what was best for her. "Alright, listen. I just don't think I can nail a song that's all lovey dovey right now. I just don't… feel it."

"Please, just try it, for me." Kwest said and handed her the book. She looked back up at him again and noticed the knowing look in his eyes.

"You know about Tommy and me and about what happened, don't you?" She accused him quietly. Sounding more tired and resigned than angry. She had suspected it all the time of course, but hadn't ever brought herself to ask whether it was true or not.

"Yeah, I do. T told me after… that party. He was in a really bad place and I'm his best friend- still I pretty much had to beat it out of him." Kwest admitted, knowing that denying wouldn't get him anywhere. Besides, he had a feeling that Jude needed to talk about everything as much as Tommy did – only that she, if that was even possible, was even more unwilling to admit that than Tommy.

"Alright then. If you never bring it up again, I'm not going to get mad at you and Tommy for… well, you knowing." Jude told him and stalked off into the recording booth. Kwest shook his head and smiled. He had noticed that she hadn't yet taken time to look at what song he had chosen.

"No, no, no and NO. I'm not singing this song." Jude stated more or less calmly about a few seconds later, back in the studio again, her hands on her hips. She glared at Kwest, knowing that he knew who that song was about.

"Jude, you need to. It's what's best for your album and you want your first album to kick ass, don't you?" Kwest tried to rationalize. He somehow seemed to love fighting uphill battles.

"No. I do want what's best for the album, but I need to do what's best for me in this case. I can write you another cheesy love song anytime, just give me a day or two and I'll come up with an even better one."  
"We both know that that's a promise you can't keep. The best songs are those you actually feel while writing them."

"Maybe. But the best recorded songs are those you feel while recording them. And this song, I don't feel it."

"But-"

"No 'but', Kwest. I can't sing this song. I just can't. Please." Jude was now pleading with him. She laid the notebook on the soundboard and looked at Kwest with slightly teary eyes.

"Alright, alright. We'll record "Who Am I Fooling" again then. Maybe today you'll nail it…" Kwest trailed off, daring Jude to contradict him again. He knew she hated recording this song.

"Yes, yes. Thank you. I'm gonna nail it today, I promise!" Jude said, smiling. Even recording the song she had failed to nail in 13 takes the day before, was better than recording _that other song_.

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation and a second later Darius walked in like he owned the place. Well he technically did, but it was never good to see Darius in the studio, it usually meant that he wasn't happy with the way things were going.

"Jude, my favorite rockstar. How's it going?" Darius asked sounding all cheered up. Kwest and Jude exchanged confused glances before Jude smiled tentatively at Darius and told him that everything was going fine.

"I was just going to tell you, that your family's doing the interviews pretty great. Just in case you were worrying." Darius told her, still that awfully cheery smile plastered all over his face.

_This is really starting to freak me out._

"So, are you recording that ballad today?" Darius continued before Jude could say anything, this time addressing Kwest. Who started to look equally uncomfortable as guilty.

"Uhm, about that, we didn't find anything good yet. And so we figured we'd just record another song today. Jude said she'd come up with a love song during the next few days, so-" Kwest stumbled over the words, avoiding Jude's eyes. It of course hadn't been his idea to get Jude to give him her notebook and search for a love song. It was all Darius, who had mentioned that he was getting worried that Jude had to many anti-love songs on her upcoming album. The worst thing was, that this morning, he had told Darius, that he had found the perfect song. But in his defense, Darius had cornered him and Darius really could be scary if he wanted to. And Kwest really loved his job too.

"That's not what you said this morning." Darius stated, sounding too calm to be believable. Jude had just watched the conversation until now, half upset half shocked about what she was hearing. They had talked about her behind her back and Kwest hadn't told her about it! But then she saw how Darius' eyes fell on the still opened notebook.

_Shit. No, please, please don't read, don't take a closer look, please, god I swear I'll do anything, but…_

"And what's that?" Darius asked and reached for the notebook.

_Fuck. I'm so screwed. Thanks very much person-above-me-who-hates-me._

"Now this is a great song. The lyrics are beautiful." Darius said while skimming over it. Then he looked back at the two in front of him, Jude looking pissed and scared, Kwest looking scared and nervous. "This, this is one of the songs that makes people buy albums. Is there any reason why you can't record this?"

"No, no reason at all. We just wanted to record 'Who Am I Fooling' first, because Jude said she was feeling that song right now." Kwest hurried to assure his boss before Jude could say anything stupid. He knew that Darius wasn't joking and that if Jude would try and fight him on this, she'd regret it later on.

"Alright. I want you to start recording this on Monday. And on Tuesday, I want the finished song on my desk. And if you don't feel it now Jude, then I'd suggest you do something about that this weekend." With that, kind of threatening, piece of advice he left the studio.

"Fuck. My. Life." Jude groaned and buried her head in her hands.

Kwest winced. He still had to tell Jude, that from next week on, he'd be gone and some other producer would take over for him. But how could he tell her right now, that he was leaving her to record this for her very difficult song with a complete stranger, just because he finally had his two weeks of vacation? Because as much as he was excited about it and happy that Darius had finally and completely out of the blue told him that he could take two weeks off this morning, he knew that Jude wouldn't really care about how much he deserved the vacation right now. She would totally take his head off, because he had first gotten her in this trouble and was now leaving her to deal with it.

_But I really should tell her. Better sooner than later. But maybe not right now, I'll wait till she's calmed down a little. There's nothing wrong with that, right? I'm only doing that because I don't want her to get too upset. Shit, I'm so screwed._

* * *

"Hey Jack, did you ever try this new sort of crisps? Wasabi? Cause it kinda sounds disgusting, especially since the crisps are, you know, **green**… But still, it's crisps so it's tempting." Jude called down the aisle where Jack was looking at something else that wasn't very healthy. Jude had found that the guys definitely gave good advise while grocery shopping. Jack had probably tried all food that wasn't green or healthy and Jude found that their likes in taste were pretty similar.

"What? Oh, those are bloody fantastic. But why would they sound disgusting?" Jack asked when he had walked over to her, now giving her a confused, semi-curious look.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just forget it." Jude said and chuckled while she threw two packs of the new crisps in her cart. Pete and Rico were off with the camera, filming people and "scenery" (as they called the supermarket). Well, technically they just had that brilliant idea after Jude had yelled at them to get lost while she had bought some ob's and woman-stuff.

She walked down the aisle, her eyes always on the yummy things. She rounded into the other aisle and didn't look up once. Until she suddenly slammed into someone. This wasn't a first for Jude, since she was usually easily distracted – especially by very tasty food. So she was already murmuring apologies before she had even looked at whom she had ran into.

"Jamie?"

"Jude?"

"And Kat?"

"Jude. Hi."

"Uh yeah, hi you two. Still together?" Jude asked, a fake smile on her face. This was somehow really awkward and she didn't even know why. She hadn't had any contact to her former best friends since Jamie had accompanied her to I.O. Records. She only now realized, that they had been drifting apart once again. She had just forgotten her best friend since she could remember. Slightly shocking news… But then again, he hadn't called either.

"Yeah, we are. Happy and together. Soo, what's going on with you? How's the career going?" Jamie asked, trying to get over the awkward feeling. He had missed Jude quite a bit during the last weeks, but hadn't gotten himself to call her. Kat was for some reason he didn't know very fond of Jude. Probably because she had been so distant and cold during the last years. He wasn't sure. When he had asked his girlfriend, she had denied to be angry with Jude, but he had somehow had the feeling she wasn't entirely honest.

"Great actually. Everything's going great. MTV's doing a feature on me and I'm stuck with a camera crew for two weeks. The guys are great, though it's a little bit annoying not to have one minute alone. But then again, they always bring awesome new outfits and stuff and I can keep it all. Plus I'm getting to go to TRL in a couple of weeks."

"Wow, the TRL? The one in New York?" Jamie questioned, excited that his best friend was going to be in his favorite show. He didn't notice how Kat's face turned sour next to him. But Jude did.

"Yeah, that would be the one. And the only one I know actually. So, Kat, uhm how's the designing going?" Jude asked, trying to be nice.

"Fine."

"Oh, really? That's great, it really is…" Jude trailed off after having received such a short cut answer.

"You know, we were actually just shopping for Kat's party tonight. She's turning eighteen tomorrow as you might remember." Jamie told Jude smiling broadly. He didn't notice any of the tension between the two girls. Good old, totally oblivious Jamie. Some things never change.

"Oh, right, of course. Cool, so, having a big party?"

"Just some friends, Kat didn't want to rent anything big and you know her house isn't all that big, so we're having it at my place actually. Why don't you come by? Start's at eight."

"I doubt she has the time, Jamers. She's probably way too busy with her new, shiny life. All those important people she's hanging with, the big parties she has to host…" Kat told Jamie sweetly, pulling him closer to her.

"Uhm, right. Yeah, if you're busy we totally understand. It's a little bit last minute I guess, but maybe you can still drop by for an hour or so? We haven't seen each other in forever, we could catch up a little bit."

"Ehm, I'm not sure. But maybe, alright?" Jude answered slowly when Jamie gave her a pleading look. She had a feeling like Kat didn't want her there. But then again, Jamie wasn't Kat's property and she missed her friend. So why shouldn't she just stop by? Maybe she could even fix thing with Kat – after she had found out what exactly was wrong in the first place. "It was great seeing you guys again, but I gotta go now. Lunch break's nearly over. See you!"

"Yeah see you."

* * *

"So, who were those kids?" Jack asked the minute they had left the shop.

"Some old friends. Actually the guy, Jamie, used to be my best friend. But we drifted apart. And now Kat's mad at me for some reason and between me and Jamie things are sort of awkward." Jude explained quickly.

"Well the girl's definitely jealous of you. Those looks she send you… life threatening." Jack said casually, as if it was oh-so-obvious.

"Jealous? Of me? But why?" Jude asked dumbfounded. She hadn't expected that answer.

"Well for once because the guy paid you more attention than her. Are they a couple?" Jude nodded "Yeah, thought so. Well, the minute you started talking to them, this Jamie didn't look at her once. Besides, you're a star now Jude, not everyone can handle having famous friends."

"I guess you could be right. But this is Kat we're talking about. I never saw her jealous before, not once." Jude sighed. "So what am I supposed to do tonight? Jamie invited me to her birthday party. And she clearly doesn't want me to come and – PETE, could you please stop filming? This is private!"

"Sorry Darling, but we're just doing our job."

"The hell you are." Jude grumbled and walked a little bit faster.

* * *

It was half past nine in the evening and Jude sat in her car, across the street from her old home where her parents and her sister lived. She was staring at the neighbor house from which music echoed outside. She could see dancing and laughing teenagers through the windows, wondering why she felt so much older than them when they were all her age.

She still hadn't figured out whether or not she should go inside. She really wanted to talk to Jamie and a part of her wanted to stand up to Kat after the latter had been so bitchy towards her. Yeah, Jude had gotten over the confused and being sad part and had gone to being angry with Kat. It wasn't her fault that Jamie and she had a strong bond because of their year long friendship. She wouldn't just let Kat decide with whom she was friends with.

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The last two paragraphs are also the first of the next chapter. Any suggestion as to how it should be going with Jamie/Kat and Jude? Well, I've already got it written out, but I'd still like to know what you expect.

And there's a lot to look forward to in the next chapters:

_**Tommy's starting at I.O. Records**_

_**The camera crew continues to drive poor Jude crazy**_

_**Shay, the S-to-the-H-to-the-A-to-the-Y Shay, is visiting his uncle and doing him a favor**_

_**Angel has her first day at G-Major **_

That were just a few points for you to look forward to ;) You can expect the next update tuesday. Wanna know why? Because I'm having my theory test for my drivers license then. And if I fail, I'll need to write off my frustration. And if I pass, I'll need to write out of sheer happiness. So, tuesday ;) Wish me luck!

you guys rock!

Kathy


	22. 22 We Never Knew When Or How

Ok, so I know it's bee ages since my last update and I'm really sorry. I just got caught up in school and in the harry potter ff world and then in the veronica mars universe... Anyways, this chapter is just too fillerish for my taste, but I wanted to wrap this up, you know, let Jude come to terms with her old life, form this chapter on, it will all be Jude's present and future - and Tommy will be lots in it ;)

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Stolen Glances Chapter 22

_It was half past nine in the evening and Jude sat in her car, across the street from her old home where her parents and her sister lived. She was staring at the neighbor house from which music echoed outside. She could see dancing and laughing teenagers through the windows, wondering why she felt so much older than them when they were all her age. _

_She still hadn't figured out whether or not she should go inside. She really wanted to talk to Jamie and a part of her wanted to stand up to Kat after the latter had been so bitchy towards her. Yeah, Jude had gotten over the confused and being sad part and had gone to being angry with Kat. It wasn't her fault that Jamie and she had a strong bond because of their year long friendship. She wouldn't just let Kat decide with whom she was friends with._

Jude climbed out of her car and slowly crossed the street, her hands stuffed in her pockets. She was a little bit nervous but also excited about what was next to happen. She walked up the way to Jamie's house, then paused in front of the door. This all felt so familiar. She couldn't remember just how many times she had walked up to this door. Mostly together with Jamie. Or how often she had thrown those little stones from the driveway up at his window, when she hadn't wanted to wake up Nana late at night.

_Ah. Good times. Passed times. What are you doing here?_

Jude mentally glared at that little voice that just kept trying to make her feel bad about herself. Just because she and Jamie were going through a… rough patch in their relationship, it didn't mean that they couldn't be friends anymore. Quite contrary, if she couldn't fix things now, then she probably never would. Three years, for three years she had shut Jamie out. He didn't deserve that and now she had to fix it. Or she would have to say a final goodbye to the person she used to be before she had won Instant Star, before her world had started to crumble around her. And she wasn't sure if she could do that just yet. She had already lost a family and most of her friends, she couldn't lose her best friend and her musical Gandalf now too.

Jude finally got up the courage and knocked two times loudly against the door. She waited, wondering she would have to knock another time since the music was so loud inside. But just when she was raising her arm again, she heard the familiar sound, though it was pretty quiet compared to the music, of the door being unlocked.

"Hello, can I help you?" A kind of familiar girl asked. She had opened the door halfway and was smiling friendly at Jude. The latter figured that her face must be familiar because they used to go to the same school. The girl looked like she was just about Jude's age, so maybe she knew her from classes or something.

"Ehm yeah, I'm here for the birthday party. I'm Jude Harrison, an old friend of Kat's." Jude answered and held out her hand.

The girl's face changed from friendly and curious to cold and disparaging. She gave Jude a now clearly fake smile and barely glanced at the stretched out hand. She of course didn't reach out to shake her hand.

"I'm Jenna, Kat's best friend. And I don't think you're welcome here. Sorry."

_Oh, yeah, she really sounds very sorry._

"Thanks, but I'd like to hear that from Kat herself. Cause, strangely, she told me to drop by if I had the time." Jude retorted and draw back her hand. Her tone was fake sweet and her smile too. So maybe Kat hadn't exactly invited her, Jamie had. And that was the only reason she was here. She was Jude frigging Harrison, she wouldn't let herself be kicked out by some wannabe mean girl.

Jenna opened the mouth to say something in return, but was interrupted by a loud call from the inside.

"Jude! Great, you made it!" And a second later Jamie stood behind Jenna, smiling broadly at Jude. Jenna reluctantly opened the door fully, making room for Jude to come in. Jude didn't hesitate and walked in, her eyes firmly on Jamie, ignoring the glares from Kat's friend.

"Slut." Jenna whispered at Jude when she passed her. Then she shut the door audibly and vanished into the crowd. Without a doubt searching for her best friend to tell the bad news. Jude Harrison had arrived.

"Come on, let's get you a drink." Jamie said, not having heard Jenna of course and led Jude through the party. Jude felt a lot of eyes on her while she followed Jamie, but she didn't bother to look around. She just walked closely behind Jamie and kept a well trained smile on her face all the time. This wasn't much different from dealing with the paparazzi. You just can't let them see that they're getting to you and you'll be fine.

"So, you don't have the camera guys with you tonight?" Jamie asked after he had supplied two drinks. They were now sitting on a couch, which had been moved towards the wall in order to make some room for some sort dancefloor.

"Yeah, I get the nights usually off." Jude replied and smiled at Jamie. "This is pretty crowded in here, does Nana know?"

"No, actually, she's gone to her sister for two days. So tomorrow, I'll spend all day cleaning up. But then again, I'd do anything for Kat. Especially since she lost the intership in New York, she had been so excited and now I'm doing everything to make her smile again."

"Figures." Jude muttered. Why had a feeling like the party hadn't been Jamie's idea, at least not having it in his house. Yeah, Kat was awesome putting people on guilt trips sometimes without even trying.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. But I guess it won't be that bad, Kat and her friends will help you with the cleaning, right?"

"No. They can't. Jenna's gift is a trip to some wellness thingy. It starts tomorrow and ends Sunday. So they won't be around to help." Jamie said casually though Jude could see that he was a little bit worried about all the work he'd have to do all alone before Nana came home. Jude felt a pang of anger towards her former friend. How could Kat just use Jamie like this? While she surely had claimed to be all surprised by the wellness-trip, Jude knew better than to believe that. Presents of that sort were never a surprise. Jenna had probably cleared it all with Kat before and picked the date.

"What a pity." Jude just said, not wanting to start criticizing Kat in the first fifteen minutes.

"Yeah, but I'll handle it. It's really no problem."

"Sure you will, you're Jamie freaking Andrews after all." Jude pretended to cheer and laughed. It felt good to joke around with Jamie again. She had missed that.

"That's right Harrison, I'm the- Kat! Hey, Kat, over here!" Jamie suddenly yelled over the music. Jude followed his look and saw the small brunette and her best friend Jenna approaching. Way too quickly for Jude's taste.

"Hello honey." Kat said to Jamie and kissed him fully on the lips, a little bit too long to just be a hello-kiss. Jude knew that Kat was trying to send a message. Pretty easy message actually: He's mine, back off.

Jude snorted and smiled superiorly at Kat. Answer: F**** off bitch, you don't own him.

"So, are you enjoying the party?" Kat asked Jamie, ignoring Jude's presence.

"Yeah, course I am." Jamie sat, shifting back slightly when Kat was trying to kiss him again. "But uh, did you say hello to Jude yet? She made some time just for you." He stuttered awkwardly, forcing his girlfriend to acknowledge Jude.

"Oh, yeah, right. Hey Jude. Glad you made it." Kat said, not sounding too happy at all. Jude cringed at the "hey Jude" and had a feeling that Kat hadn't just forgotten that she didn't like the greeting.

"Hey Kat. Happy eighteenth! Wish you only the best."

"Thanks so much. I'm sorry I didn't invite you earlier, and don't feel guilty that you got no present for me, it really was such short notice." She said sweetly.

"Actually, Kat, I'm not feeling guilty at all." Jude paused a moment, enjoying the indignant looks on Kat's and Jenna's faces. "I of course got you a present. Duh. How could I ever forget your birthday, with or without invite? That's what good friends do after all."

Jude grabbed her purse and searched for something while she was talking. With a "ha, got it" she pulled out a white envelope and handed it to a confused looking Kat.

"It's a backstage pass for the upcoming fashion show in the city hall. I figured that since you're into designing, you might be interested in taking a look behind the scenes and maybe meet some people who can help you out with an internship or something. I heard that you sadly didn't get the one in New York. Toronto's no New York, but it's as big as it gets around here."

"Wow, Jude, this is amazing. Thanks." Kat said delighted and for the first time she seemed to really mean what she was saying. "This is like the best present ever." And now it was Jenna's cue to send a couple of death glares towards Jude.

Jude ignored Jenna and took a deep breath, she had waited for a moment like this. A moment when Kat would be less hostile and more normal. She had wanted to apologize to Jamie and Kat for some time now.

"Look guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being around, for shutting you out. When I broke my contract, I was in a bad place and I drove people away from me. I regret that now and I know that I can't undo it. But I hope that maybe we could all start over. You two are two of the few good things about my past, two of the few things I don't want to forget." Jude ended her speech, looking for forgiveness in Jamie's and Kat's eyes. She hoped that she'd get through to Jamie and maybe even to Kat who seemed to be back to her old self.

"Of course we forgive you, Jude. I was never angry with you, just worried. I'm glad you're back!" Jamie said enthusiastically. Jude smiled at him gratefully, then looked at Kat. The birthday girl gave her a contemplative look and Jude could see that Kat was torn. But after a few seconds Jude believed to see a soft smile tugging at Kat's lips. But that only lasted for seconds.

"Hello everybody, I'm Mike, you're DJ for tonight. While the location isn't perfect, it's still our Kat's 18th birthday and it's our job to make this the best party ever!" The DJ spoke up and the crowd cheered. "We even have a celeb in our midst, Kat's old friend Jude Harrison! Jude, why don't you come up here and sing for us? A happy birthday song for Kat, maybe?"

Everybody's eyes now turned to Jude, the music had ceased and Jude felt herself blushing slightly. She smiled and looked to Jamie then to Kat to see what they thought. Jamie was smiling genuinely and giving her a thumbs up, while Kat had gone back to glaring at her. Jenna was whispering something in her ear and Jude could easily guess what it was. She remembered how Jack had said, that Kat was jealous that Jude always got all the attention. For her it must be the same thing all over again, just on her 18th birthday this time.

After the people around her had started to sing "Jude, Jude, Jude!" Jude finally got up and walked over to the DJ who handed her the mic with a broad grin. Jude gave him a small smile before she turned to the party guests.

"Hello everyone! I don't know the half of you, but I already like you cause you're all here to celebrate Kat's 18th birthday and she's the best friend a girl can have –trust me!" Jude smiled winningly and paused until the cheers had quiet down again.

"So, I'll now gladly sing a song for you. Cause I always wanted to be the first one on the stage for karaoke. Mike, hit the "random" button and on we go!"

**September –Daughtry **

_**Half the time passed away.  
All the trouble that we gave  
And all those days we spent out by the lake  
Has it all gone to waste?  
All the promises we made  
One by one they vanished just the same **_

_**All the things I still remember  
Summers never looked the same  
Years go by and time just seems to fly  
But the memories remain  
In the middle of September  
We still play out in the rain  
Nothing to lose but everything to gain  
Reflecting now **__**(on)**__** how things could've been  
It was worth it in the end **_

Somehow the lyrics reminded Jude of her past, specifically the times she had spent with Jamie and Kat, just being young and stupid - and kids. But she wasn't a kid anymore. When she now looked around in this room, filled with people her age, she knew that most of them had no idea what they were going to do with their lives. They still lived at their parent's house, had just finished school and were scared of what was still to come. The worst they had faced in their life was a broken heart or a bad grade in school.

But Jude already had a job, she had a contract, she had a career that was going as well as it possibly could. She had a broken heart and yet knew that there were worse things. Although she sometimes drank and didn't act rationally all the time, she still couldn't be considered a kid anymore. While she had always considered herself to have stayed normal, she knew deep down she hadn't really.

_**Now it all seems so clear  
There's nothing left to fear  
So we made our way by finding what was real  
Now the days are so long  
That summer's moving on  
Reach for something that's already gone  
Yeah **_

Jude looked over at Jamie and Kat, blending out the others who were mostly joining the chorus now. Jamie was smiling proudly at her, his hands in his pockets. Kat was looking indignant and a little bit lost; Jude could tell she missed Jamie's arms around her.

_**Of all the things I still remember  
Summers never looked the same  
Years go by and time just seems to fly  
But the memories remain  
In the middle of September  
We still play out in the rain  
Nothing to lose but everything to gain  
Reflecting now **__**(on)**__** how things could've been  
It was worth it in the end **_

Suddenly Jude knew that things with Kat weren't going to be alright again. They wouldn't be able to just go back. She could see the bitterness in her former friend's eyes and was sad to know that she had caused something so untypical for Kat. Kat was a good person and if she couldn't deal with Jude always getting all the attention, then she was probably frustrated enough with herself. She wouldn't need Jude coming around all the time and send her on the edge.

_**Yeah we knew we had to leave this town  
But we never knew when, and we never knew how  
We would end up where we are  
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town  
But we never knew when, and we never knew how  
Never knew anything **_

And as for Jamie... He was with Kat and Jude didn't want him to be anywhere else.

As hard as it was to accept, she would have to let him go.

_**All the things I still remember  
Summers never looked the same  
Years go by and time just seems to fly  
But the memories remain  
In the middle of September  
We still play out in the rain  
Nothing to lose but everything to gain  
Reflecting now **__**(on)**__** how things could've been  
It was worth it in the end **_

_**Hey, yeah, yeah **_

Loud cheers and applause started the minute Jude had finished the song. Her eyes searched Kat again but noticed that her former friend was avoiding her gaze and had leaned in towards Jenna, who was whispering something in her best friend's ear while glaring triumphantly at Jude. The latter shook her head half sadly half disappointed, she had hoped that this night would play out differently.

She left the provisional stage and headed straight for the door; she wasn't keen on spending another minute in this house. Jude Harrison knew when she wasn't welcome and while she had kinda enjoyed "fighting" about Jamie earlier and had been more than ready to take on Kat in order to not lose Jamie again, she had realized that maybe she didn't want to win if it hurt Kat and made her this bitter.

"Jude!" She heard Jamie's voice from somewhere behind. Torn she kept on walking, part of her wanting to talk to her former best friend and explain why she had to leave, part of her just wanted to get it over with instead of having to say goodbye in person.

"Jude, wait, where you're going Harrison?" Jamie asked when he finally caught up with her, looking at Jude curiously and without any suspicion. Jude reluctantly met his eyes and knew instinctively that this would be more difficult than expected.

_Doing the right thing ain't always the easiest thing. Now ain't that right._

"I gotta go." Jude said evasively, giving Jamie a weak smile.

"What, why? You were great up there, I bet Kat would love to sing a duet with you, like you guys always used to do when-"

"Jamie, no." Jude said getting annoyed after she had glanced over Jamie's shoulder and had spotted Kat approaching. She really wasn't in the mood for another bitchy conversation, not when she had already decided to give up. "Look, this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come. You and Kat are happy together and I don't belong with you guys anymore. It was stupid and selfish of me to push back into your lives like that."

"What? Jude, I don't-" Jamie started but Jude interrupted him, still looking at Kat.

"I know you don't Jamie, but I know. Enjoy the party and the rest of high school." With that she walked straight out the door, not waiting around for Jamie's or Kat's reaction.

* * *

So, I know this chapter sucked and it's probably because I wrote like a few passages then weeks nothing and then wrote a bit again then forgot about it again and so on... Still, I'd highly appreciate some reviews even though I took this long with the update ;)

love you guys and thanks for sticking with me!


	23. 23 Back In The Game

YES, you read right, there's a new update to this story. Hehe. Bet you thought it was a joke. Not that your lack of trust in my posting qualities is funny, but I'm in a weird good mood right now, so just go with it. So anywho, I know it's been ages since I updated and you can trust me that I've felt guilty about it plenty of times, but you will have to take any complains up with my muse. She's been so moody the last 12 months.

That being said, I just wanted to let you know that I'm now a college freshman with little to no free time on my hands, BUT that I've been feeling very inspired the last couple of days and hopefully I'll be able to get out a few more chapters :) I guess when I'm happy I write a lot and there's a special someone who's been making me smile a lot over the last week, let's just hope he'll keep on being awesome and I'm confident I'll have a new chap for you soon-ish.

If you find any lingo mistakes - you can keep them. Buy yourself a nice starbucks coffee.

Read and leave a review if you feel like it. If not, I guess that's what I get for update gaps... ;)

* * *

Chapter 23

Walking into I.O. Records Jude chatted happily with Angel. The latter was a little bit nervous about her first day and had spend the whole Sunday and Monday morning pestering Jude with questions about Portia.

"Angel, you know, in the beginning it was amusing, but it's getting a tad annoying here." Jude interrupted Angel just when they passed the receptionist's desk. "Portia's a great woman and you'll do just fine, so stop worrying. Just don't run after any celebs you might meet when they're off to the toilet and you're good."

"You're one to talk, you are a celeb yourself and you got a secure job with a contract. I'm on probabtion, if Portia thinks I'm crap I'm out of a job again and I'll never find anything nearly as awesome as this. I mean if everything goes right, I'll be working with cool people and you, Spied and I can have lunch together like every day. Otherwise I'll have to take some crappy job and we'll barely see each other and-"

"I know, Ang, I know." Jude said and patted Angel on the shoulder patronizingly, smirking at her friend's excitement and nervousness. "You told me all of that before. Now, if you excuse me, I'll take my guys and get to the studio, cause I'm beyond late already."

"But who-?" Angel started to protest but Jude ignored her and called out for an intern that was walking by.

"Nicholas, could you come here for a second?"

"Morning Jude, guys." Nicholas greeted Jude and the crew. He was a blonde, tall and good looking Swedish guy who had somehow scored one of the very sought-after internships with one of the producers of I.O. Records. Jude had had lunch with the guy and SME a couple of times and knew him to be a good and funny guy, just what Angel needed right now.

"I'm kinda late –again- and I hate to keep Kwest waiting any longer. So, would you mind showing my friend Angel here to Portia's bureau? She's her new assistant and a tad nervous about this being her first day. So I figured you might be able to look after her a bit?"

"Sure, no problem. Hello, I'm Nicolas, an intern." Nicolas said and held out his hand for Angel to shake while smiling at her friendly.

"And yes, he's from England, so the cute accent is totally not fake." Jude commented with a smirk towards Nicolas, who glared at her playfully, then she wished Angel luck one last time before she took off towards the studio.

"So, you got this job through Jude? You're the first friend of Jude's outside I.O. that I see or hear about." Nicolas asked Angel when she followed him through the building. He and Jude had become friends since her first day and he had always wondered why she had never spoken about his life outside of the business.

"Jude and I go way back. We haven't spoken during the last three years since I've been living elsewhere and we've lost contact, but we're roommates now. And since I'm new in town and everything this job seemed perfect, especially since-" Angel started to explain nervously, not wanting Nicolas to think she just got the job because she had the right friends. Too late she realized that she was starting to rant again.

"No need to justify yourself, I know all about how hard it is to get into this business without any connections – pretty much impossible. Besides, Jude's cool and her friends just can't be that bad." Nicolas interrupted her and winked at that last part. Angel was surprised for a moment then she grinned at Nicolas, knowing well enough when someone was flirting with her.

Suddenly she wasn't that nervous anymore and she got a feeling like she'd just love it at I.O. Records.

Jude walked with a determined look into the studio, planning on finding out exactly why Kwest had been… evasive, to say the least, all weekend. Friday, she now remembered, he had been acting a little bit weird, but she hadn't thought much of it and had figured that he was probably feeling a bit guilty about telling Darius about her song. Well at least she had liked to believe that, having had enough to worry about already.

But after her brief encounter with Tommy Friday night when she came home from Kat's party, she had tried to get a hold of her friend/producer/neighbor all weekend. Without any success. He never answered his phone, wasn't up to opening his door and her countless text only got a short "I'm busy, so sorry" answer.

Tommy. That had been one whole other level of weird.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Jude slammed Jamie's door behind her and leaned against it, taking a deep breath. She knew that Jamie wouldn't come after her, not with Kat at his side. A part of her was sad knowing that she'd had lost two good friends, but the rational side of her knew that she had lost them long ago. She might only now have let them go, but they had parted ways long ago. _

At least this makes my life a little bit less dramatic. With Kat being jealous and ready for a fight, MTV would have gotten some great material. Now I only gotta focus on my music and my friends.

_Jude pushed herself off the door and shoved her hands in her pockets while walking down Jamie's driveway, not looking once towards the house her family still lived in. She got into her car and sped off._

_When she got into the elevator of her apartment building she was looking less depressed and more like her usual self again. During the ride they had played a couple of her favorite songs and after thinking about all the things in her life she should be happy about and the fact that despite everything she got her dream in the end, she was even smiling again – even if it was a weak smile._

_Stepping out of the elevator and onto her floor Jude fumbled through her purse looking for her keys. She stopped dead in her tracks though when a familiar voice called out her name, forcing her to look up at who was standing in front of her apartment door._

"_Jude." Tommy said quietly, leaning casually against the wall before pushing away from it and facing Jude with the usual intense stare._

_Jude opened her mouth to say something, but no sound was coming out. She had expected a lot of things to happen this weekend; going to Kat's birthday party wasn't one of them. Giving up on Jamie and their friendship wasn't one of them. But having Tommy wait for her after about a week of no contact definitely made the list._

And here I thought he had finally accepted my decision and gave me the space I asked him for. Stupid me.

"_You look tired." Tommy observed. Jude rolled her eyes and approached him, her hands firmly gripping her keys, determined to get a door between her and Tommy as quickly as possible._

"_It's been a long day." Jude said dryly, trying to act indifferent. When Tommy saw that she was planning on just walking by him, he put on arm to the wall and leaned in lightly just before Jude tried to pass him on that side._

"_Being famous isn't as fun as it's made out to be, huh? Cameras around 24/7 can be stressful." He said lightly, raising an eyebrow when Jude stopped abruptly and looked semi confused, semi angry and totally at a loss what to do with him this close. _

_When Jude didn't say anything, Tommy smirked, knowing her well enough to read the signs. She was affected by his presence. There was still something to fight for. He knew that she was still mad and hurt and didn't trust him, but she had admitted it herself –more or less; she still felt something for him. She most likely was going to take his head off now, because Kwest must have told her by now that she'd be having a new producer from Monday on. Tommy was convinced though that he could deal with her anger and start work peacefully on Monday if he confronted her now and then gave her some time to cool off and accept everything._

"_Save the smirk, Tommy Q." Jude suddenly said annoyed, knowing Tommy as well as he knew her. "What do you want?"_

"_I figured we'd better talk now than later. Before you try to rip my head off I just want to remind you: you said it yourself, you can forgive me, so why not start with it now?"_

"_If I remember correctly, I told you that I need my space because I can't be around you. In how far is waiting at my door staying away from me?" Jude asked, now finally getting angry. She was angry enough with herself for letting Tommy get to her like that, she didn't need him being constantly around and disobeying her wishes. She had only asked him for one thing. She just didn't get why he could just let her go already and make it easier for all involved. If he really loved her, wouldn't he stay away when she asked him to?_

_Tommy frowned. He had expected her to be angry because he was going to be her new producer, not because he was waiting here for her. Besides, she must have realized by now that avoiding him wasn't an option anymore._

"_Look, I know you're angry, but why don't you just see this for what it is. An opportunity. We're good together Jude. We were three years ago and we can be great together again – if you just let me prove it to you."_

"_I asked you to not fight for me. That was the only thing I asked from you. Why can't you just do this for me? I know that you think you love me, but this just proves once again that you don't. If you did, you'd give me the space I specifically asked you for." Jude shook her head sadly. She hadn't been sure before whether to trust her heart and believe that Tommy loved her, or if she should just accept that he might think he loved her, but didn't really know what love was about. Because lying and pretending weren't exactly signs of love. Not letting her go, hurting her further for no solid reason, wasn't either. "We're lucky this time, Tommy. We didn't go public, no one knows about us, MTV knows nothing and neither does Darius. We have separate lives, we get the chance to move on for real without having to change much. And while you might not like that right now, in time you'll see that we just weren't right for each other. It's always been the wrong timing with us, back then I' was too young and now neither of us is ready for a relationship. My career's just starting to take off and you're only beginning to think about settling down. So when I ask you to leave me alone, it's not code for "fight for me". I really mean it."_

_Tommy just stared at her, positively confused. When she looked at him for understanding and waiting for an answer, her eyes sincere, he realized that she didn't know. She had no idea that from Monday on, he'd be her new producer. That realization shocked Tommy. He had never even for a second considered that Kwest could not have told her. He had assumed that her "it's been a long day" comment had been including the news of him being her new producer._

_When Tommy didn't say anything and just looked at her dumbfounded, Jude sighed. It was useless. If he wouldn't accept her decision, she'd just have to deal with it. In this case give him the cold shoulder so that he'd finally see that it was over –for good._

"_Goodnight Tommy." Jude said quietly, took a step back –putting finally some safe distance between them – and walked around Tommy towards her door. She unlocked her door and had already opened it half way, when Tommy finally found his voice again._

"_Wait, Jude, I-"_

"_No." Jude said simply but forcefully before she slipped into her apartment and closed the door behind her, trying hard not to slam it shut. She found herself face to face with Angel, who had obviously been waiting for her to come home and had overheard the conversation._

"_You ok?" She whispered. Jude nodded though not very convincingly. She had given up lying to Angel and was now relieved to have someone she could be 100% open with. She had told Angel everything that had happened between her and Tommy._

"_Jude, I need to tell you something, please open the door!" Tommy's voice came through the door. Jude's face fell and she looked truly exhausted now. She was about to turn around to the door, when Angel put an arm on her shoulder and shook her head no. _

"_Let me handle this. You go inside and drink something, you look dehydrated." Angel told her best friend with an encouraging smile. Jude nodded gratefully and walked away. Meanwhile Angel stepped to the door and opened it a little._

"_Little Tommy Q, what a surprise. Isn't it a bit late for you to sell-out? Shouldn't you be in bed right now, doing your girlfriend of the day?" She asked coldly._

"_Not right now, Angel. I need to talk to Jude, trust me, she'll want to know this. From-"_

"_From what I heard, she does not want to talk to you. Is that so hard to grasp for you? Jude's not one of **your** **girlfriends** that just take you back after you messed up. But now that you're here, I've actually hoped to get a chance to have this conversation with you. I really don't get guys like you. Jude's probably the best thing that ever happened to you and a few weeks ago, I could have sworn you knew that." Angel shook her head, disappointment clear on her face as well as protectiveness over Jude._

"_I swear I love her, I-" Tommy started, looking positively ashamed and lost, knowing very well that he deserved everything she was throwing at him._

"_You know what, this is getting old real fast. I don't care what you have to say and neither does Jude." Angel interrupted coldly and closed the door right into Tommy's face._

_Flashback End_

* * *

"Kwesty West, I hope you got a real good explanation for ditching me all weekend, right now." Jude said loudly when she walked in the studio. She was already in the middle of the studio when she finished the sentence – and realized that there was no Kwest around. Instead there was someone else sitting in the stool Kwest usually occupied, his back turned towards Jude so that she could only see the black hair.

"You gotta be kidding me." Jude whispered shell shocked when the man in the stool turned around and was no other than Tom Quincy himself – with a big smirk on his face.

"Well, that's what I was trying to tell you Friday night." Tommy said, trying in vain to wipe the smirk off his face. He knew that Jude would only be more upset when he was so obviously enjoying her discomfort, but he just couldn't help it. After all, she had insisted on playing stubborn all weekend, had left him standing outside her apartment and had dodged his calls. "Kwest must have chickened out on telling you that I am your new producer, judging from your shocked expression right now. That or you're really good at blocking stuff out."

Jude stared at him for a few minutes, her face a mask of shock and anger and slight desperation. The guys with the camera and mic standing behind her, curiously eying Tommy over Jude's shoulder. Tommy knew very well that they were being filmed and hoped that Jude remembered that fact as well. Just when he was about to say something since Jude seemed unable to do so, Jude suddenly turned on her heels and walked right out of the studio, nearly walking over the camera crew. They started to follow her but a hissed "Don't!" that Jude threw over her shoulder stopped them.

Meanwhile Tommy was quickly on his feet and walked out of the studio, just in time to see Jude vanishing into Darius office. Now he would have given quite a bit to be in that room and listen in on the conversation, but he knew that neither Darius nor Jude would tolerate him in there.

If there was one person capable of making Jude work with Tommy right now, it was Darius. Darius was capable of nearly everything and for the first time in years, Tommy was actually grateful that his old manager was the heartless asshole he was.

"Man, she really doesn't like you." One of the camera guys told Tommy when he walked back into the studio. Tommy glared at him and closed the studio door, keeping the camera crew outside.

* * *

"Where is Kwest?" Jude asked, barely able to keep the anger out of her voice when she walked into Darius' office. The latter was on the phone and frowned when Jude interrupted him. But when he saw her expression and her stand, he told the other person on the phone that he'd call back later and put the phone down.

"Excuse me?" Darius countered calmly, not appreciating Jude's demeanor at all while trying to figure out what was going on. Why didn't she know where Kwest was? Kwest had assured Darius that he'd tell Jude in person, that it would be better for all involved and Darius had granted his wish reluctantly.

"I want to know." Jude slowly stressed every word. "Where Kwest is. My Producer. And why that excuse for a boy bander is in my studio!" Jude finished with slight aggravation in her voice, she was holding back, still trying to calm herself down. Seeing Tommy in that studio that had become her second home… she had been barely able to think for a few seconds. I.O. was one of the few places she could forget Tommy in. In the studio, fooling around with SME, Patsy and Kwest, the photo shoots, the concerts… everything was a part of her dream, a part of her life that didn't revolve around Tom Quincy.

"Kwest is on vacation. He'll be back in two weeks. He asked me to be the one who told you… I guess he must have forgotten."Darius stated slowly. Jude glared at him.

"So, my producer's a idiotic coward. What is Mister Has Been doing in my studio?" Jude inquired, dismissing the Kwest issue since she knew that the only one she could blame and yell at for not being informed was Kwest and Kwest alone. She couldn't believe he hadn't told her. She had thought they were friends, but it seemed like they were just producer and artist – and maybe neighbors too.

"He's from today on your new producer." Darius dropped the bomb, not knowing why Jude suddenly went white. Then red. But before she could say anything, Darius spoke up again. "Listen, I get that you're not into boy bands and into T's music, but he's the best you can get. He's a great producer and it's been hard enough for this company to get him. You should be happy that he wanted to produce you, Jude, he's got a good name and you're still new. See this as the chance it is and look past his past."

"Stop patronizing me." Jude hissed. Then quickly regained her composure, realizing that this was Darius who she was talking to and that he didn't appreciate disrespectful behavior. "Look, I just don't think that we'll connect, musically, I mean."

"And how would you know that without trying it first?" Darius asked slightly amused.

"I did try." Jude said after a few seconds of silence. "I and Tommy worked together before, alright. At G-Major after I won Instant Star. Back then I quit."

Darius watched Jude carefully, trying to figure out what this was about. He knew she had been at G-Major for a week but hadn't realized that she had worked with Tommy before – and he hadn't mentioned it either. Though knowing Tom, he had probably just forgotten about it. Jude however made it sound like she quit because of Tommy or that her leaving G-Major had had at least something to do with Tommy producing her.

"Are you trying to say something here?" Darius asked calmly. He could get loud sometimes, but he knew that a dangerously calm tone was sometimes even more effective. Especially with stubborn women like Jude. Jude stared at him for a few seconds, not willing to back down, then she looked away. She couldn't quit this time, not because of Tommy again.

"No. I just really don't want to work with Tommy again. Please. Can't you find me a different producer. Anyone, please." Jude asked, her tone a lot more pleading-like than she would have liked it.

"I'll see what I can do, but for now you'll have to be the adult you claim you are. When you signed this contract you told me you could do this. I want you to go out there and work with Tom. If it doesn't work out like you say, then I'll make sure you'll get Kwest back. But for the next three weeks, there's no other way. Alright?"

"Fine. Three weeks." Jude agreed reluctantly, then turned around and left without another words. She could do three weeks. She totally could. She was Jude Harrison and no one would get in between her and her dream again.

_I am going to make it through this three weeks and show Darius that I'm mature enough and that I deserve this chance. And I'll show Tommy that he can't just decide whether we're still together or not. I'm so not going to just fall at his feet just because I have to spend all day in the studio with him. I'm not that person anymore. I don't care about his blue eyes or about his great-_

Jude stopped walking right in the middle of the lobby.

_Shit, I can't do this!_

"Jude!" She heard Joe's voice before she could turn around and run again. The camera crew, right. Now she was royally screwed. Knowing there was no way out, Jude put on a smile and walked over to the three guys, who were still in front of the closed studio door. "What's going on?"

"I just learned that I get a new producer for the next three weeks." Jude told them after taking a deep breath. "You probably heard of him, Tom 'Little Tommy Q' Quincy."

"The boybander?"

"That would be him." Jude nodded, a bit amused at Joe's reaction. "I'm not some pop diva and so I was a bit surprised at D's choice of sub, but I guess I'll have to deal with Lil' old Tommy Q until Kwest comes back." Jude finished, she had walked into the studio while talking and smirked at Tommy's insulted face.

"I thought we already went through that. I don't go by that name anymore." Tommy said between his teeth, too putting up a nonchalant facade for the camera.

"Right, not anymore. Sorry, must have slipped my mind, it's been a while after all." Jude replied innocently. "So Tom, if that name's alright with you, did your buddy Kwest bring you up to speed on my album?"

"He did, in parts, but Darius told me what song we should be recording today." Tommy replied calmly, ignoring her digs at him. "Some sort of ballad – he said you'd know which one he means."

Jude's eyes widened in shock for a few seconds when she remembered just what song she was supposed to record today. It had sounded like pure torture when it had been Kwest behind the soundboard, but with Tommy? She wasn't sure if she could pull that off, he'd know instantly who the song was about.

_Actually, scratch that, I'm sure I can't handle singing that song in front of Tommy. I just can't._

"Yeah, that song... I'm afraid I left my notebook at home, so we'd have to wait for that one till tomorrow. But why don't we do a bootleg of this other song, I know all the lyrics by heart." Jude suggested casually, hoping that Tommy would just agree with her.

Tommy contemplated for a few moments. Judging from her reaction, he highly doubted she had forgotten her notebook. No, the most likely scenario was that the notebook was somewhere in her jeans bag that she had still slung around her shoulder. But Tommy also knew that it would look weird in front of the camera to call Jude on her bluff and to go searching through her stuff- especially if she really had left it at home, he'd make a fool out of himself. Besides, there seemed nothing too obviously wrong with her suggestion. Any song was fine with him.

"Alright. What's it called?" Tommy added while Jude was entering the soundbooth. She turned around and smiled at him, though he could have sworn she really wanted to smirk.

"Transparent Lies. I wrote it not too long ago actually."

The look on Tommy's was priceless in Jude's opinion and she just thought it was a shame that the TV viewers would be deprived of it, since Tommy had turned his back on the camera. Maybe this whole thing wouldn't turn out all that bad. It was fun unnerving Tommy.

* * *

I'm somehow really excited to write the next three weeks for this fic :D It's gonna be a lot of Jude&Tommy in the studio fun :) At least it'll be fun for us ;)


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